I’ve always known that I have an addiction, but I never called myself an ‘addict’. It kind of had a connotation that I would never want to associate with myself. The word ‘addict’ always made me think of gollum from Lord of the Rings. It wasn’t until my girlfriend put me on an ultimatum that I realized I was exactly everything I despised about the word ‘addict’.
I tell everyone in my life that I want my addiction gone, but I make it seem like I want everything else gone to be with these images on my laptop. I’m systematically destroying everything I’ve built up in my my life with PMO, yet I keep going back. Those close to me have watched me descend into depravity and sin for my addiction. They cry and beg me to leave it, yet I go back.
If that doesn’t scream gollum-esque addict, than I don’t know what does.
I’m an addict, but I’m not here to stay. I’m ready to put this behind me. I won’t live the rest of my life an addict. I’ve already caused too much damage.
I’m in support groups, have every blocker under the sun, and I’m seeing a sex addiction therapist very soon.