In rehab I learned it wasnt so much the dope I was addicted to. It was this whole other human being I was addicted to.
Im not talking Co-Dependancy. Cause we all have that. I mean way more than that. Somebody you have in your system, When they say id follow you to the ends of the earth or Id walk into a burning building with them or off a cliff. You actually would and everyone knows. You put your judgement and feelings aside as if you didnt have any.
Anyone else ever deal with this.
Its the biggest struggle I have ever overcome.
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Honestly i think itâs what makes cult leaders possible.
Itâs a very real thing. There is a fantastic book/audio book called âforbidden psychologyâ that I think can really help people understand what other people can do in the most subtle way to get people to feel the way what you are describing. Iâve recommended it to people who have read it and made major changes in their life once they become aware of what others may knowingly or unknowingly do in order control other peopleâs behavior.
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Sadly I do not. But I do think we should love ourselves more and stop lieing to ourselves about how great of a person they are.
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Thanks for the advice.
Are you talking about love addiction? There are some good threads about love addiction on this forum, if you want to research the topic.
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I once went âcold turkeyâ from someone I was addicted to. It was just as bad as any other addiction I currently have, and it took a long time before I could think about this person without a gulf of longing and sadness. But cutting off all contact was what worked for me. It helped me to move on and for him to move on too.
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Any addiction. Just cause you love doesnt mean its good for you.
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Only you can blame you. You had a choice to use or not. They didnt force you to use. Its no different then hanging with your best friend and using with them. We think its harmless at first until ur physically depended on it and trapped. If you thought using was going to get him to like u more⌠WRONG!..Thats not the case. He prob encouraged u to use because as dope addicts we cant hide our habits well and if u use it enables his addiction. You probably fell to this. Like all addictions his love for Dope will always be greater then his love for you unfortunately. Thats the life of an addict. When u get sober this guy will no longer be as attractive or worth being with. They are always BROKE i dont care how much money you make. I could make 400 in a day and spend every bit of it with nothing to show the next day but a empty wallet. Time to let it go and get new sober friends. This will make this journey easier on you along the wayâŚ
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Fact. I hear ya
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One of the most painful addictions and withdrawals you could ever experience. Cut off contact, cold turkey. In the case of toxic relationships the old adage âabsence makes the heart grow fonderâ doesnât apply; as distance is maintained, you are able to more clearly see them for whom they truly are. Clarity is priceless.
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Iâll just quote almost the whole thing because it deserves repeating. I SO needed to read this right now. Thank you.
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Iâve had this feeling when it comes to my daughter but never had it with a âromantic partnerâ. Iâm not even sure Iâve ever actually âbeen in loveâ.
I think thatâs different though @JeffreyDale - children are one thing, toxic relationships are another. My children are the center of my universe, I cannot imagine the day they grow and head out on their own. When I am away from them for extended periods of time, my heart literally hurts. But the love for them isnât detrimental to my health or my mental wellbeing, it doesnât adversely impact my judgement, being in love with someone in a romantic sense shouldnât be that way either. If it is, there is something wrong in the relationship.
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I have this. Its the hardest fuckin thing. I keep praying âlord please relieve me of my obsession with this man so i can be of maximum service to myself and othersâ and i have therapists and several friends keeping me from calling and texting him. Its my fear of losing what i think is 1 and a million. I just have to keep redirecting my thinking. Bc the truth is theres others out there. Fuck its hard⌠now im thinking of him! Time to pray! Lol
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I had this with my first husband. He was toxic and a nasty physically and emotionally abusive drunk. Yet, I married himâŚbut he had âonlyâ hit me once before we married. Yeah, my self esteem was lower than low to not get what I was subjecting myself to. I didnât understand the true meaning of love, the true expression of love. I was young, naive and easily wooed with words and lust. I had no idea of my own power and majesty and no idea of his demons that haunted him. It has been 30 years since that relationship ended so dramatically and horrifyingly and with hindsight and a lot of work and just aging, I have learned my value. But as a young person it is easy to he swayed into a self defeating and dangerous situation.
You always say why doesnât the person just leave. If only it was so easy.
The hard part is staying left. As in any addiction, quitting the person is easy STAYING quit is the hard part. I left a lot, but would âforgetâ or think this time will be different. It wonât, it never is. Eventually you are right back where you started.
Loving yourself. Believing in yourself. Building self esteem. Educating yourself on what a healthy relationship is and entails. All go a LONG way in healing your inner wounds and allowing you the safe peaceful healthy life you deserve.
@Spartan_Chris nailed it. Get away now and work on loving your self. When we truly love and respect ourselves, we donât allow others to treat us as less than.
Wishing you strength and clarity.
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I donât know if I was âaddictedâ per se, but I did have a relatuonship I knew was very bad for me, and yet could not seem to break free of it.
On second thought, yeah, I was addicted to her. I had to make like the Colts leaving Baltimore to end it. In one night I loaded all of my crap in a Uhaul, cleaned the apartment, turned in the keys, and moved 70 miles away. Left no forwards and told no one who knew us both where I was going.
Ran into her at a random place, two years later. It was awkward.
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@Donnie_Spiering This is the best thing for me to read!! I live this. Half way threw Iâm like hey⌠Wait a min⌠but then the smart and sober part if me is saying pay attention you need to hear this.
Believe me i did it myself and know how it works. I turned a college gurl with a great job to a junkie and fired in 2 years. I couldnt hide it so i got her curious. She was into me alot and followed. Then it was off to the races âŚthen i started letting her go out with men to fuk n rob just so i could get high⌠Sad⌠I cant believe i was so low. Id never share my lover. I was twisted and not the person i am now soberâŚ
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