Advice please: Sobriety with a Drunk Spouse

[mk8437a]

Hi wonderful community. I really need some advice from those who have managed to navigate sobriety with a spouse that continues to drink. I have tried and failed for years to quit drinking and finally feel like I’m committed to truly making this work. But my husband continues to drink heavily and seems to have 0 interest in changing. Has anyone here been down this road before? Can this have a happy ending?

With gratitude.

[Mno]

Welcome M! Glad you found us. This is a great place for support. I don’t have a (addicted/using/drinking) partner myself but there’s plenty here who do. There’s one thread here that’s particularly useful for what you’re dealing with. Wishing you all success friend. Know that you’re choosing the right thing here.

Are you affected by a loved one who’s an addict?

Have you been affected by someone else’s drinking or them doing drugs? I have. We may be parents, children, spouses, partners, brothers, sisters, other family members, or friends, of alcoholics or drug addicts. No matter what our specific experience has been we share a common bond: we feel our lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking. I have been wanting to start an Al-Anonish type topic here ever since I joined Sober Time and TS. This is not Al-Anon. I do highly recommend Al-Anon …

[SassyRocks]

Hey there! Some of us have been in a similar situation. Here is a very old thread with some links to other threads….maybe some of this will be of interest.

Does your partner still drink? Some threads you may find helpful

Mine does and I discussed it fairly frequently when I was on here more. I know this question comes up a lot…How do I get sober with a partner who drinks? So often we are told we have to avoid situations and people who drink, sometimes it is even suggested that we cut them from our lives entirely. For those of us with partners who drink and whom we love and respect, that is not practical or helpful advice. Obviously some of us cannot stay with an abusive, reckess or violent alcoholic, but as we …

The most important thing I can share from my own experience is to keep your focus on what you can control, which is your own self and your own sobriety.

Hope to see you around.

[mk8437a]

Thanks so much

[TrustyBird]

Hey friend. I’m 3.5 years sober from alcohol married to a man who drinks daily. It can be done. It is tough some days but the number one rule in our house is that my sobriety is my sobriety.
He isn’t in charge of keeping me sober and I’m not in charge of getting him sober.

There are some nights where he drinks too much and I put myself to bed early. He understands and sees the benefits of me being sober. He often says he hopes I don’t take another drink ever again, and so do I.
He is a bartender so his job is alcohol. It’s killing him slowly, just like it was killing me quickly.

This wouldn’t work for us if he weren’t supportive. We never drank the same stuff but if he started stocking the fridge with Guinness, whiskey or red wine we would have to have a conversation. He doesn’t try to sabotage my sobriety and respects my life changes. Half of our time together was spent in bars, now I step into a bar twice a year and immediately know I’m better off without them.

I think the first question to ask is will he support your sobriety or try to sabotage it?

[JVKE]

My suggestion would before you to focus on your own recovery, staying sober, making that your first priority, and basically do you

when I got clean my family was still using so i kept busy and did my own thing, eventually they wanted to get clean and did so - you can control your drinking, not theirs.