Agaidnt my own morals needed advice and support

Im 23 yrs old and expecting my 2nd child. Ive been an addict to amphatamines for the last 7 yrs off and on strongly. I was just getting into the drugs right before i found out i was pregnant with my first child but i wasnt deep enough that it stopped me from staying sober without a problem during the pregnancy. It wasnt until after i had my son and 3 months after giving birth i learned his father been cheating on me most of our relationship and he left me also kidnapping our 3 month old son in the process from me. Leaving state and losing all contact from me, falling off the grid. I started using again immediately during the time my life seemed to be falling apart heavely. I started using in a deeper way than i ever had thought of. It wasnt all pipes and stems no more… i was giving life one last shot so it had to be thick. I felt sorry for myself and my situation for 3 yrs about and one day i woke up and i put the needle down like i had never even picked it up. Im 1 yr clean off of the needle but the drugs still linger in my life on the daily. I hate to say it but yes even while im expecting my 2nd child. Idk what to do…why was i able to clean up so easily without any worries for my first pregnancy but it seems alot harder during my second one? And it sucks cause in the past i had done all the right things for the wrong person and now i know the right person has came into my life im doing the right things but something quit isnt cutting it. Are we both scared of whats to come thats why were still using? Or is it just me thats scared of whats to come and losing it all again and sub consciously im using trying to forget that im pregnant. Everybody in our neighborhood uses too and that doesnt help either. Idk whats triggering us to still use but ive always been agaisnt using during pregnancy an now im going agaisnt my own morals and for something that isnt ever gonna be good or worth it in the future. Im freaking out and whats wrong with me.

I have had success writing down when I get cravings (at night, after eating, when I’m upset, etc). When I look at a log of times I get cravings, I notice a pattern. I smoked when I was bored or angry.

Seeing what caused me to feel like smoking helped me develop coping systems to avoid those situations in the future. For example, I know that I smoke when I’m angry. So instead of going out for a smoke, I go for a run. Developing healthy ways to deal with the pressures causing you to use will give you a lot of peace.

You mentioned that you don’t know what’s triggering you to use. In my opinion, from what you’ve shared, it sounds like you’re using amphetamines as a way of escaping reality. It might be productive to work on some coping mechanisms for this. Could you talk to someone every time before you use? If you feel like getting high, it might help to talk through what’s stressing you out first. Even if you get high right after, you can still begin to recognize other better ways of dealing with your problems. One spark is enough.

You also mentioned that you got clean for the wrong person. In my opinion, to get clean, it helps to think of several people: yourself, your child(ren), and the people who love you.

I think it would be good to think about what is more important to you; is it the drugs or your second child? I’m in no position to judge you and the decision you make. But you need to choose. You cannot have both.


Thank you.

You have my support girl. Have you been to any NA meetings? You could start there looking for some clean and sober people to help you when you do get the cravings. I know I couldn’t do it alone and rarely can anyone. Please stop and take heed of your triggers as orangejuice suggested. Reach out to God like you never have before. Your unborn child’s health is also at risk here as you well know. I will pray for your strength. Hugs

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Just because the nieghborhood gets high you dont have to. Your house should be a drug free area and let it be known. It doesnt have to be that way unless you let it. Its your choice to get sober not anyone else. Only you yourself can control your sobriety and motivate yourself. Im sure drug neighborhood or not a meeting is nearby. Not everyone wants to live an addict all thier life. We make mistakes and this is our second chance to live…