Today I had a day that started wrong and was a bit of a non day, I felt uncomfortable and couldn’t get motivated to start my day properly so it didn’t start til half 1, after I did a yoga session, after I had a shower,then did an hour of study before I had to pick up the kids,bad move, cos then I went back to study while the kids were here, was late cooking dinner, shouted a bit at my son, bad, went back to study for another 2 hours and had less than half an hour to chat with the children before bed. My bad , I apologized, I said to my children I’m not doing this tomorrow and it was my bad for studying late and getting out of bed the wrong side. 
. I’m grateful I am in a place to realise my wrongs and try to correct them.
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Hazy, I’m sorry if I’ve already asked this, but what are you studying. It sounds fascinating. Is it nutrition? I’m thinking about functional nutrition as an area I’d like to study more about.
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Haha… I’m studying biochemistry… Hard as I haven’t got the basics so sometimes I’m learning things back to front, hard stuff first then basic stuff and it all fits together 
Yes! Thank you for reminding me. I enjoyed the little biochem I took way back in the day at KU. Good stuff!
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Looking sort of forward to a 5 hour lab practical tomorrow… … Blood and lipids and stuff… I was just thinking how glad and grateful I am sober to be focused and being mentally able to do the things I am doing at this time…
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Haven’t ‘diaryed’ here for a while so maybe I should…
Uni is pretty laid back this semester… or I have decided to take a more laid back approach.
… I definitely do not want to be stressed out anymore so I try to be more mindful on a daily basis and check in with myself if I feel those levels rise…!
I’m doing step 4… it’s resentment time… put all my resentments on paper. They’re mostly towards establishments. A coupl with a couple of people but they are to do with my using and definitely had to a part to play. I’ll deal with it as time goes on and I write down more.
I did a chair last night… tbh is was pretty shit and waffled … was quite nervous. Didn’t really know where to start or how to finish but I managed almost ten minutes!!.
I’m not a practised open sharer very often… I listen a lot and speak if something resonates… everyone in the meeting were so lovely at sharing back and saw I was willing to take action in my recovery 
.
Anyway. It’s done, im growing, I’m here and gratefully clean with no desire to use. That’s an incredible feeling. Freedom from addiction 
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Think I am feeling the effects of a shit day…🤦😐
I felt uncomfortable going to lab today cos I was in a different group, had to swap cos of childcare (half term), I almost didn’t go in… anyway I went, did the first part of making my electrophoresis gel fine, then had to make some dilutions with miniscule amounts of protein and buffer, then I lost it all of a sudden,even tho I had ticked off everything I had done I got unsure and panicked…( I usually work with a colleague I’ve gelled with but I was working alone)… One of the assistants helped me to start again and talked it thru together and ticked off the pipetting in these tiny eppindorf tubes…all fine
Then she left me and I started the next experiment fine, then panicked again and got flustered and burst into almost tears, and took off my gloves ready to leave 
… I pulled it together and finished the experiment, ran the gel…was the worst I’ve ever done lab and was one of the last to leave . Gotta experience bad days so I have now.
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That’s awesome, Hazy! Hope the biochem is going well!
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It is!. Thankyou for asking. Lot more chilled this semester, I’m not letting stress take over and that’s growth I guess
Think I’m gonna finish painting my bedroom today… it’s been half done for months. I had such a vivid dream about my old flat in Brighton. I often have them. I loved that flat,and if I could move back there I would. Got me thinking again about moving,just when I’m thinking that I’m settled where I am and to maybe buy carpets, after that dream I don’t think I will get carpets for the living room anyway!.. but maybe for the stairs and landing.
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I am still an alcoholic. I picked up. I’ve woken up in a state of fear of me . I feel like I did in the depths of alcoholism . Stuck. Wondering what happened. I still can’t drink. I am still powerless over alcohol. The same feelings. I’ve gotta get out of this hole.
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Hi Hazy! You know how to be sober and experience all of those sober benefits. Are you still working with a sponsor? You’ve won because you’ve gotten back on the wagon. Some unfortunate beings don’t get another chance. Rooting for you!
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@Hazy…what @LeeHawk said (cuz she is smart). I’m hoping you can pull yourself up and believe that you CAN maintain continuous sobriety. Because you can. I’m glad you are here! Big hugs and support to you.
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I was wondering this morning if this is something you pursue or still wish you could do. I came to the realisation that I don’t want it anymore. And it helps me in times when there is no motivation.
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Thanks for your replies @Mbwoman @anon74766472 @LeeHawk , my fave TS supporters. . x I’m still sober today. It’s so ghastly that I feel like I’m in lockdown again. But I know if I stop thinking negatively that I’m not there anymore I’m here today with my kids who are happy ( apart from yesterday when my youngest cried when she saw the glass of beer),. Hey ho.
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Lol, lady. You must use the word “smart” loosely”.
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