My question is , to my self, as what always happens just before exam time, what the fuck am I doing trying to be a scientist, when I have been a hairdresser that can hardly talk to clients because of my dire social skills and only learnt them of the last 5 years out of 20, so how the fuck can I learn or be or get to where I think I want to be , with a career change so late in Life, trying to forget my drug ridden past, yet have to go through it with ‘stepwork’ (that will bring up old shit from decades earlier) at the same time as getting thru exams as a 40 year old and a mother that has just has just relapsed and not organised Easter holidays properly, and am supposed to study for an exam in 10 days. , What the fuck. What am I doing.
Do it one step after the other. The basic is not to pick up today. The rest will align. Priorities. It’s so cool that you do this. I cannot. Well, no need in this direction. But organizing all this is really amazing. Honor this. Clap yourself onto your shoulders. Passing the exam is enough.
I cannot forget my past. But I found that the more I consolidated with it the less it haunts me. Sometimes I fall back into old memories and get stuck there. I am grateful I came out of it. I still struggle probably more than many here. But that’s okay too. You are a survivor, you fought through it. You are here despite your past or bc of your past.
Future tripping, or in my case catastrophizing the future is easy to do and not good for sobriety. As Eric sad, one foot in front of the other. 40 is not too old to change your career path.
Hazy, I feel you. I’m in my last semester of uni whilst trying to not drink. I bet you do what I do and look around at everyone thinking ‘you have no idea wtf I’m going through’ but we are strong to be battling addiction and trying to study. Pat yourself on the back and I will do the same
Not yet
Exams at end of may. I’ve done one small test already.thanks for asking. I’ve been in touch with my sponsor daily and reread my step one… very wierd that it was exactly how I was when I picked up again. X
Stick with it. It is dangerous. I am also an alcoholic and I am starting to understand that each time I picked up a drink before my sobriety I was serving my actual inner self less and less. It was easier to see the qualities I hated about myself while I was using the more times I relapsed. Focus on your reasons for quitting and try to play the tape all the way to the end when you think you’ll just reward yourself with one. School can be super stressful, can you plan a different reward for the next exam you finish?
Day 2.25… my son has had a cocktail of morphine, ketamine and fentanyl today, to get him onto a stretcher and into an air ambulance. I am sober , shattered, and wow I didn’t know ambulance people use all of that stuff at once on casualties.
I’m grateful he is still here this evening. Trying to get sleep in London hospital
Thanks, I’m okay!.. just awake (6am ) and he’s remarkably more recovered than yesterday. Incredible . He had a good sleep, gosh knows how much was in the night dose of morphine, but it was needed and it’s done him much good.
