Alcohol in My Face . . . and in My House

Since I am prone to relapse, I have chosen to have an alcohol-free home. Since SO never drinks it is easy for he and I. But . . . last week his daughter and son-in-law came to visit for a week. He is in recovery. And she drinks in front of him frequently. Alcohol is not his DOC, but we all know that story. Anyway. . . knowing my situation she asked if I minded if she had cider or whatever. I said to please put it in the garage fridge. I rarely go out there to get things. But when I do/did, seeing the darned stuff was like poking me with a cattle prod. I didn’t want it but had the “There it is” shock. It was weird.

And then we went out to eat. She was the only one drinking. And yum-yumming up her drink. Telling the waitress how fabulous her drink was. Chatting it up and announcing to we three non-drinkers how wonderful it was. I kind of wanted to say “will ya shut up already?”, but knew it was MY problem. She should be able to drink if she wants, right?

Have I mentioned that women who say “I love my wine” or “I have to have my wine” make me feel like throttling them? My wine? Just ticks me off.

So, yesterday I went to a friend’s house for Easter. Again, booze in the garage fridge. I had to go put overflow food in a few times. There was a corked bottle of wine. Old me, drinking me, would have taken a swig for the heck of it. A BIG swig. Then obsessed over the wine in the fridge. And made excuses to go out to the garage. But, I really didn’t want it. And I didn’t care that people were drinking beer. And not a one was even tipsy.

So, I am noticing my reaction to alcohol and people drinking. Just that . . . noticing. Trying not to overthink. Trying to not resent. It is an interesting time for me. I am really starting to accept myself as a non-drinker. I like how it makes me feel . . . for the most part. :slight_smile:

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Sounds like the worst of the storm has passed, and you’ve made it.

Maybe next time, no alcohol in the house, it’s your house and that can definitely be your prerogative

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Yes! I used to be a falling on my face drunk every night of the week type and now 95 sober days later I have definitely noticed more that people drinking or being flashy about drinking really annoys me! Don’t get me started on the whole ‘coffee til cocktails’ or ‘day drinking’ slogans!!

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I’ve been there and I know those feelings exactly!! I have/had a sober house until I met my boyfriend he doesn’t drink much maybe a small whiskey or half a can of Guinness he never drinks it in front of me but seeing it and smelling it really really really fucking annoys me :grin::heart:
I feel like my boyfriend having alcohol in my house is really disrespectful but I also know it’s my problem and I need to work through it to become a better and stronger person

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Congratulations on getting through having the alcohol around you and you are still standing strong sober!!! Inspirational for me as a newly sober alcoholic!!

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Even though I probably did it myself, the “my wine” thing is damn annoying, isn’t it? And yes, going on about drinking, u can drink, just shut up about it! They are trying to affirm their place in the ‘drinking’ societal group. That’s ok, you have a place in the sober societal group.

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Sounds like progess to me!

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She sounds toxic… how does your son feel about it?

I remember when I couldnt drink because of probation and my ex would drink beers in front of me and laugh about it, and laugh at me because I was not supposed to drink at that time.

Not saying she’s intentionally being cold hearted, maybe shes just very naive about alcohol issues. (He was as well, very very much so. He wanted sympathy for his benzo withdrawals though which is essentially the same thing on the CNS. didnt happen from me!)

Anywho, you passed the test and did great. good going.

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The comment about obsessing over it in the old days really hit me hard. That’s the thing. That’s the reason to not. Really awesome job sticking to your preferred space and just noticing. Interesting part of the process indeed!

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Great job staying strong! I haven’t been brave enough to socialize with my friends. They typically drink and I just haven’t felt like testing myself. I hope when I do get tested I stay that strong!

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Just because your daughter drinks, doesn’t give her the right to show it off. Let her know it’s not okay. I’d also try your best to let people know alcohol isn’t okay at your house. It clearly gives you anxiety at best, and that’s not okay.

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You did a great job on not taking a drink. Next time you are exposed to drinking, it will be easier

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Wow. You did so great! I’m very happy for you! But this lady was really provoking. Not nice at all and very selfish of her. That’s a big step for you! And you can be very proud of yourself :heart_eyes::ok_hand:

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Thank you @cat-i-am, @Crazy_Dutchie, @Monkey, @CaptAZ, @Faugxh, @Sunshinegirl, @Gina, @Misokatsu, @Donut89, @Sophie2, so much!! I was whining!! I guess I didn’t see it as such a victory that I didn’t drink. But you pointed that out to me. You guys are just the best. And now I get to do it all again next week. I am traveling to FL to see my Mom in a nursing home and staying with my sister and brother-in-law. Very, very normal drinkers. But they usually have a few beers in the fridge and I have pilfered a few slugs of hard liquor from their cabinet before. You know . . . that sneaking thing that I (used to) love so much. But not next week. Because I don’t drink anymore.

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And @YeeYeeViking, @Jim27, @geo!! Guess you can only mention 10 users in a post. Who knew?

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It sounds like she has zero empathy towards anyone. She needs to be confronted about it when it happens again. I personally have never had to deal with someone that wasn’t cognizant towards my sobriety but I wouldn’t be afraid to speak up if someone I knew wasn’t.

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my other half drinks and smokes weed in front of me, Do I occasionally think it would be nice to have some? Yes. Do I think I could stop? Definitely not. Do I want the consequences? Hell no!!

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I agree. Pretty clueless. But . . . she rarely, if ever, visits SO so this was a big deal for him. He has actually confronted her in the past when he has been at her house. He has told her how inconsiderate it is for her husband. Not to mention dangerous. I could deal with it for a week. Actually, it made me consider alcohol in ways I hadn’t for a while. I chose to use it as a learning experience.

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Yes, I do! I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets ticked with the “my wine” crap. Well, I am at my goal weight and had no problem wolfing down MY FANCY DONUT at a work party today. :rofl: :rofl:

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I’m not sure. He is my SO’s daughter and S-I-L. I don’t know them very well as we have only been together for three years and they live out of state. He doesn’t seem particularly bothered. But, my SO has said she always has “her favorite hard cider” in the fridge at home. That would be harder to deal with I’m thinking. Certainly, his sobriety is his responsibility, but we all know that support helps. YOU certainly know that. I guess perhaps there is a good reason he is your ex??