I just can’t seem to stay entirely sober. I want to this time more than I have in the past. I have someone in deeply care for and I keep drinking and getting angry. I think the anger is pent up things I hold in daily but let out when the time is all wrong and turns into a fit of anger and yelling. All I want is to change and break the cycle. I’m sad. Like really sad about all this and they have told me they’ll only stay and be here for me if I’m sober. Any suggestions to help keep me on the right path would be great. Just a side note, I’ve done therapy previously and it did not help.
17 Likes
I guess you have to try again… I cant advise you much as I have been sober only 3 months, maybe think of something you haven’t tried before? For me it was joining this community… also realising that experiencing hungover day 1 all over again is far worse than discomfort of early sobriety. Well they both hurt and the pain is real, you need to decide which one you willing to suffer. XXX
5 Likes
Relationships are hard even without alcohol or drugs.
You add that to the mix and it becomes nearly impossible.
Take it one day at a time.
I find it takes time. Meetings have helped me but it will all just take time.
Becoming addicted took time and so will sobering up.
It won’t be easy, but in the end it will be worth it.
I can’t promise that sobering up will save all your relationships, but I do know that it will save way more than if you were not sober.
Come on here and check in. Keep yourself busy. Take it one day at a time.
After the withdrawals it does get easier.
3 Likes
Maybe try a meeting they helped me stay sober for a long long time
meet new like minded people who have been were you have wish you well.
8 Likes
I found when I drank, I couldn’t control my emotions. Now that I’ve gotten sober it’s so much easier for me to check myself prior to reacting to any situation and it has made me a better partner. Mind you, I am not with the same person and have found someone who is also sober. Being with someone who can share my experiences has made it much easier to talk about how I previously reacted to things. I know you said you’ve “tried the therapy thing” but therapy is much like any relationship. Finding someone you like to talk to and finding out why you are so angry could really help. We all need to try some things multiple times to get it right - sobriety included. Best of luck! Stick with it and give yourself grace.
2 Likes
I feel your pain I could also be angry when drunk and it messed up a lot of my relationships too. When sober I’m actually a pretty level headed person & don’t really get angry so it was really annoying as was so out of character. The only way to stop this problem is to stop drinking completely. It’s a simple solution, but it’s not easy to do. I would suggest throwing yourself into all things sober, AA meetings, sober podcasts, quit lit, audio books, posting on this community, joining IRL sober communities & groups. I find it helps to completely immerse yourself in sober life so that ever day you are actively working on your sobriety & it becomes an ingrained part of your identity. This is what I’ve been trying to do this time round and I feel it is helping.
4 Likes
For me, it took me getting sober and working the steps to have healthier relationships in my life. I honestly didn’t know how to. Just getting sober wasn’t enough for me personally. Realizing I was repeating the same patterns in relationships, even when I was 2 years sober, is when I finally surrendered to doing the steps and trying AA. I needed to change me from the inside, to see what made me tick. To look at my own parts in own past relationships and learn how to do things differently. Therapy helped me walk away from a toxic relationship without damaging the kids more, but it didn’t change me or help. For me, AA was the only thing that did. 
3 Likes
I did this in my last relationship and lost him completely. He didn’t even give me the option to try and get sober to make it work. Use that as your motivation…because you can lose them in the blink of an eye. I know one thing that pushes me to stay sober is that I never want to act out like that in a relationship ever again.
3 Likes
Welcome,
Relationships are difficult, like it was said earlier, even harder when your not sober. It sounds like you are starting to see the pattern about holding resentments, which are lethal for sobriety for alcoholics. If you can get to a meeting and open up there, I would highly suggest it. Good luck in your journey of sobriety.
1 Like
Trying to get sober for someone else, a partner, children, doesn’t work, in my opinion. I loved my kids and knew I was hurting them, and neglecting them, but it wasn’t until I wanted to get sober for me that I could finally do it. Whether they stay or not is none of your business. Getting sober is your business. Focus all your energy on that. For me, I did recovery work everyday for several months. Even things that didn’t work before may work now you are in a different place in life. The book This Naked Mind and AA meetings were two things that made big differences for me. Someone else might like a different book or a different program. Just keep trying different things until something sticks.
8 Likes
The road to recovery is hard, but has been the best 94 days in my life, meth and alcohol plagued my daily living for 16 years, but 1 second, 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day at a time, something that helps me is Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through he who strengthens me.
1 Like
I agree with previous posts that you need your own reasons for sobriety. And there are so many good ones! For me, not wanting to be the reason that people I love are hurt and angry was the main reason for fully committing, but it was mostly about wanting ME to be a better person. Maybe that framework would be helpful to you?
The other reason for me was my health. I was diagnosed with an advanced stage of cancer at just 31 years old. Im sure alcohol played a role in that, not just phyaically but mentally always being miserable, depressed, and lonely is proven to make us sick. I wish I could say the day of my diagnosis was my last drink, but it wasnt.
Im still very new but posting and sharing here keeps me motivated as well. Hope to see you back and stay strong!
2 Likes
Start going to meetings, reach out like you are now, day at a time.
2 Likes
Welcome back @AnastaysiaMariex
You seem to follow a pattern. Coming here once, venting and leaving.
What is your plan? What's YOUR plan?
I suggest re-reading Matt’s answer in one of your prior threads Off the Wagonnnn - #6 by Matt
2 Likes
It’s good to be taking steps for sobriety, and glad you’re back here checking in. Meetings help, I just went to my second tonight, since 2013. Even if you just sit and listen, absorb what you can that’s being said. You have to want this for you. I’m kinda in the same boat as you, needing to get sober for more than just myself so I don’t destroy what I have, but really I need to get sober for me, whoever that is cuz I don’t fully know. I wish you the best of luck, you can do this sober thing, one day at a time, one moment, one hour.
1 Like
Therapists don’t have a Solution.
You did right by coming here. It’s a good beginning.
Best would be to get to an in-person meeting.
You don’t even have to be sober for 24 hours to go there. I think you will like it.
1 Like