Hi, I’m Adam and am 3 days sober. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for over 15 years and alcohol for 12. Sunday night was my rock bottom moment. I lost my job of 10 years last year and in doing so lost my insurance. I figured that would be a great time to come off of Paxil that I had been on for several years. I always drank while on my meds and there were several times I either cheated on my wife or attempted to. Sometimes I either didn’t remember or felt like I didn’t have control of myself. She always forgave me and asked me to stop drinking which I would do for a little while. I came off Paxil which was a fucking nightmare. I tried natural remedies for a good 4 months or so but could never get my brain to turn off like I wanted it too. Of course the drinking continued. I found I could get Zoloft online for cheap since I didn’t have insurance and I went that route. The drinking continued and got to where I couldn’t remember everything I did the night before. There were several moments again where I was trying to cheat on my wife by liking or talking to girls on Facebook. I made empty promises that I didn’t keep and kept drinking. Sunday night I had 3 of my kids at home while my wife worked. She of course asked me not to drink, but I had started right after lunch and didn’t stop all night. My kids were thrown into a situation that I could not even fathom in my sober mind and I had very little recollection of what took place that night. I woke up Monday morning to an empty house, a police report, and a pack your shit and leave. Sadly this was my wake up call. I’ve probably lost my kids, I’ve almost lost my job, and there are legal consequences coming that are more than likely prison time. Sad thing is I can’t remember half of what the hell happened that night. I have seeked out help. I have come to the understanding that it’s still my fault bc I chose to drink and I’m waiting for my punishment. Has anyone else had memory lapses or blackouts when mixing alcohol and depression meds? Has anyone just started trying to get sober and now face jail time, and how did that go? How does anybody recover from this?
Welcome 
I’m sorry to hear about this situation you’ve found yourself in. These things happen to people like us, and maybe for good reason. The lucky ones realize that they have to change their ways. Navigating what is to come will be hard, but being sober will make it more manageable.
I didn’t use pills like those while drinking but I blacked out just as often from alcohol alone. Gotten 2 DWIs (one with my daughter with me) and separately crashed my car into a tree and hardly remember a thing, besides the legal consequences. These events were not eye openers for me unfortunately.
I’m not sure what you’re facing but I know staying sober will help tremendously. I wish you all the best. Don’t be a stranger 
Thank you for the support!!!
I’ve been on SSRIs for over a decade and actually went to a party with booze and drugs the very same day I first started taking them (I’m a moron!). And what you’re describing sounds so incredibly familiar it’s terrifying. Over the years, I’ve woken up in hospitals, surrounded by doctors, police offices etc. more times than I care to count and to this day I have no idea what really happened on those lost nights.
As I don’t have kids, I was only a danger to myself, so thankfully for me, legal consequences for my insane blackouts never followed.
Please let this be the wake-up call you need to stop drinking for good. This community can help and there are other free resources like AA and SMART with online and face to face meetings. You can come back from this even if seems hopeless and you can, in time, get your kids back into your life.
Thank you for the encouragement and making me feel like I’m not the only one, I thought I was going crazy.
Oh yeah, the blackouts… I’m also on SSRI and I don’t remember most od my evenings when I was drinking. Sometimes my husband was shocked cause he didn’t even think I’m so drunk but I didnn’t remember shit from night before (ofcourse he had no idea how much I actually alco had cause I was sneaky).
Worst thing I did was coming back home from Kings Day (all ppl in Netherlands partying, lot of ppl drinking, music everywhere), on a cargo bike with my 3 little sons, about 10km, I DON’T REMEMBER ANYTHING! I could have killed them. Every time I think about it I feel like I’m gonna puke. But I didn’t stop drinking then, it took me few more weeks. Now I’m 8 weeks sober and Im slowly trying to stop thinking sbout myself as a loser, slowly gaining self esteem, I’m starting to.actually enjoy my life (even if it’s not easy but hey, whose is). I wish you best and that now.you just gonna bounce from that bottom you put yourself into. You are definitely not alone. Big hugs.
Yes i 100% get it im on Duloxetine an SNRI and i was drinking on it and blacking out regularly back then, its absolutely horrible to wake up with the not knowing, i NEVER want to experience it ever again
Draw that line in the sand Adam…make it so u never have to go through this again…it can be done friend
I am trying! I appreciate all the support.
What are u doing right now? Have u got your basics down…have u eaten something? Are u hydrated?
I’ve finally got to where I’m eating almost normally. I think I’ve lost 20 lbs this week. Thank you for asking.
Do u have a plan in place?
Mixing medication and alcohol is never a good thing. But when I think about it, if you remove the alcohol, the black holes are not there, so I blame the alcohol. But they do have a synergistic effect. I use the saying, instant problems, just add alcohol.
One thing is for sure, drinking is not gonna help anything it’s only gonna make matters worse. Just look at it this way, there’s nowhere to go, but up. Best wishes!
Yes and taking whatever comes one day at a time.
Absolutely on the mixing antidepressants and alcohol. I have taken celexa for 10 years and last year when I was drinking like a fish I had total loss of memory pretty much every day. I drink alcohol from last year back for 20 years. With my case i don’t have a choice but to stop. Health issues. Depression and stress is something that i never got a handle on. I would talk or pray to my higher power or God. Put all your burdens if you can on him. One day at a time!! 
Hey there… I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. The one good thing about the situation is that it seems as though it may have given you the gift of desperation. It’s the last gift that anybody wants, but in my opinion, it’s the greatest gift for getting sobriety to stick.
When I first got sober, I had to deal with some legal woes relating to my license, that had the possibility of jail time. I was lucky enough to afford a lawyer, who worked it into fines. Going through early sobriety, and dealing with the anxiety that came with the uncertainty of my legal future Was a big smack in the face. As an alcoholic, I ran away from any uncomfortable feelings by numbing out, and here I was, in early sobriety, putting myself in a very uncomfortable place, without my usual crutch.
It helped me to tell myself that I was proud of me, for, facing life, head on, for doing it sober, and for fixing this huge debacle that I had hidden my head in the sand about for long enough. Looking back on it, I see that it was one of the first times that I really started dealing with the mess I made of my life. And I am proud of it to this day.
I am tagging @MrCade on here with his permission, as he can tell you what it is like to face life unflinchingly. He has often been an inspiration to me, and helps me to remember that with sobriety, anything is possible.
Hey @Bearded86, welcome to the sober team! I too have drunk while using SSRI and I hate to burst your bubble, but: you are experiencing blackouts because you had too much to drink. No one using SSRI’s alone has ever experienced a blackout, but most alcoholics have. Go figure?