You guys work so hard! You must be exhausted when you lay down.
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Im going to sleep good.
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Great post man.
The sea is selective, slow at recognition of effort and aptitude, but fast at sinking the unfit.
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We met at the boat today. Cleaned her and changed the oil. Gave her some love.
The weather is horrible. Its looking like its going to be five night onshore total this break. We are hoping to get out Wednesday.
I have had zero desire to drink.
I used to love the feeling of confidence that alcohol seemed to enhance. I felt on top of the world while drinking.
I feel that sober today. I feel really good! Better than the artificial confidence that alcohol gave me.
We worked at the gear shop today too. My coworker, the only one on the four man crew who isnt sober blurted out wheres the beer? Then he said oh yeah none of you drink. I guess ill have to wait! I thought that was pretty funny.
He reminds me alot of me.
He got a large sum of money a few years ago from an inheritance. He blew it all on heroin. He doesnt have anything to show for it.
The other day he told me he doesnt have an addictive personality.
I thought that was pretty funny.
He got his first crab check and missed three trips. He came very close to being fired.
Denial at its finest! Its crazy how we lie to ourselves and believe it.
Im so glad to not be living that vicious cycle.
Im going to invest my crab earnings into tools to help persue my art.
The camera I’ve always wanted. Tools to increase my effeciency at carving. And oil paints.
When im not fishing this year, I’m going to be so busy making art that i wont have time to be a drunk.
As a drunk, I quit making art.
Im high on life! 100 natural! I love it!
I had lunch with Matt. The fishing community came together and helped him out. All his gear was lost in the accident, and its been financially crushing for him as it cost him his season.
A relief check was collected for him and the other 2 guys. And he was able to get replacement gear and a few thousand dollars to help.
We talked about going to alaska this summer.
Ive always talked about going. I think its time to quit talking and do it!
Im feeling comfortable in my own skin. Its been a while. I like it! Alot!
84 days since my final relapse! 
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Dude, that video was so fascinating to me! I love watching people find the groove, and by that 4th pot you guys were synced and off to the races.
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You are a natural storyteller. As someone else mentioned pages and pages above, you should really consider writing this down, I would suggest as a journal entry type format. With some of your artwork, it would be a big hit! I know a lot of us would read it.
Just from reading sample pages of your account, I can get a guy who’s been sober for a long time and loving life, but who works one step away from addiction, the perils of the fishing trips, the perils of being ashore, the interesting allotment of characters in town, at the bars, at the docks. The trip to Hawaii, the girlfriend, the relapse. Your dreams about being a painter and getting your own boat someday. You could make this happen!
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Awesome piece! I love it!
Its not terribly cold here. Sometimes it snows, but its wet, heavy snow. It doesn’t stay around long.
My side of the block, where the rope rolls over the top as it pulls creates a steady rainstorm. I switch up how i stand to minimalize it. My gear keeps me dry. I sometimes get hot from working and take my hood down to cool off. If i do get wet. I have a spare set of gear to change into. Working wet for very long will chafe your skin.
This boat doesnt work extreme weather like the last boat i crabbed. This crab job feels like a part time job compared to it.
You get hot running a string, and then on the way to the next one you get cold. Its hard to balance.
We snack while we work. Skippers always throwing me snacks. My previous skipper would eat tour lunch if you didnt keep it back on the deck.
Weve caught alot more crab than previous job too therefore i have made more money than Leo. Leos is the reason i quit.
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“No bad weather, just bad gear”
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Sound like a cool job! Othee than the cold
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Thank you.
I’m feeling really focused. Things are falling into place. Sobriety feels pretty easy at the moment. Its friday night. Im off tomorrow. I just got home and the last thing I want to do is drink. 
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Thank you.
I was sober for a long time. Then I relapsed for a long time. I spent years trying to drink like a gentleman and failed.
It has been a struggle staying sober since I relapsed, but its getting easier.
I feel great, and im focused. Currently loving sobriety!
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Sounds really cool and rewarding. Nice!
I got some rest. I slept great! Ive been able to get some rest every night this grind. My body is tired. We moved alot of our gear. Im glad I have today off to rest.
We ran all our gear yesterday. We are catching more crab in its new location, so it was worth it.
We arent catching alot but we are catching big beautiful crab.
Crab are getting harder to find. Its normal. Big paydays are over.
Most of the legal sized crab get caught in the first three weeks. Thats why we work so hard during the opener.
Its a well managed resource. The small crab we release will be next years harvest. Seems to be working. This year has been a good year.
The boat I quit has had a terrible season. I wouldnt have made much money on that boat this year. I would have been worked almost to death.
Im sure my attitude and my sobriety would be challenged alot harder had I stayed. I made the right decision.
I made more money than leo this year! Leo is the reason I quit. That makes me feel good! They couldnt keep a crew this year either. My replacement quit when he realized that my ex boss missed the crab on the opener gear set. He didnt do his homework. They are on their fourth replacement for me.
I feel really good about sobriety today. I have zero desire to drink.
I thought maybe i would like leo more not working with him. I like him less because I’ve been validated that it was him that made it miserable. I will never work with him again.
I really love my new job!
I sure put myself through alot of mental anguish as this season approached. It worked out far better than i could have imagined.
I ordered my dream camera. It will arrive February 6th. Im excited about that. My dslr camera body broke years ago, and i kept drinking my money away instead of replacing it. Not this year!
Im going to order oil paints and carving tools today. It strenghtens my sobriety because i know 100 percent i wouldn’t be doing this as a drunk.
2020 is off to a great start! Its because I’m sober!
Im staying humble. Im just a drink away from being a drunk. That first drink is my biggest enemy! I have finally let go of the illusion of good times and accepted the reality of self inflicted pain and suffering when alcohol enters my bloodstream.
I have fully conceded to my innermost self that im am a real alcoholic.
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Sounds like you’ve got your head on Jason. Well done. Keep at it.
I really enjoy reading your posts and seeing your photographs
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Good to hear you’re doing and feeling good Jason; I can’t wait to see the pictures you’re going to take with your new camera too. 
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Heres a couple of short strings we ran that had pretty good crab last week.
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For some reason the vids are unavailable for me. Thanks for sharing though!!
I can’t sleep, this always happens when I fall asleep early with my kids. I end up waking up around midnight, it’s now 3am here.
I’m really enjoying this thread, I just read it all. Thanks for sharing your journey, its really helpful for me.
Kind energy your way.
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Thanks! kind energy back at ya!