3 months 18 days sobriety today.
I’m a commercial fisherman and it’s the perfect career for a drunk!
Nothing sounds better than a beer when I get off the water. It doesn’t matter if it was a good trip or a bad trip.
My biggest justification is pain. I’m always in pain after a trip. It’s an extremely physical job and I ache. You have to work through pain. Especially if your catching. Adrenaline keeps you going.
My mind tries to tell me if I’m tough enough to crab then I’m tough enough to drink. My fisherman brothers are great drinking buddies. I get offered alcohol almost every time I’m at the dock.
There are four restaurants in my small coastal town. They all have open, well stocked bars and I have tabs at them all so even if I’m broke I can run a tab until payday.
There are 3 stores… well stocked beer…
This town fits the drinking town with a fishing problem joke perfectly!
There are two AA meetings a week here that I can rarely attend because of work. It feels good to walk into a room in this town where there are other people who don’t want to drink anymore. I go when I can.
I don’t go to the restaurants because I’m uncomfortable looking at the stocked bars.
I don’t hang out with my friends because I’m uncomfortable around people drinking.
I have been spending the money I’m saving drinking on a trip to Hawaii. Every paycheck I buy something for that. I’m almost done.
I feel healthier physically and mentally than I have in a long time. That keeps me strong when my brain is trying to justify that drink.
My self confidence is alot better than it was a few months ago.
I’m developing a plan to be able to have a relationship with my kids. In the past I’d make attempts and if I hit an obstacle, I’d drink destructively. And it was a good excuse to numb emotional pain.
I’ve been focusing on steps one two and three. The principles behind them. Honesty, hope and faith.
I sometimes find myself standing at the beer aisle at the store and realize wtf am I doing here. Habit I guess.
I’m grateful to be sober!
