Alcoholic fisherman in recovery

Life in Recovery
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I woke up in a bit of a self destructive funk.

I figure I better share about it. I dont want to act upon it.

Yesterday was another close call crabbing. We ran all of our gear yesterday. We usually dont run all of it in a day. we usually run half of it and move 40 to 60 pots. A storm moved in yesterday afternoon. Skipper decided we need to run all the gear so it all had fresh bait for the storm to soak for a few days. Its smart fishing. I was happy to do it.

It was also buoy bleaching time. The buoys start to grow kelp on them, and the first 25 feel of rope below the surface. The rope gets heavy causing the buoys to sink. We have a 500 gallon barrel we use to bleach. We use a powdered bleach we mix with water. Its potent! Its nasty! Its a horrible job, but its necessary every five or six weeks.

Tweeky has been laid off for a while. He was talking like he was going to go to Idaho and spend time with family there and try to get clean. As usual all talk no action.

I dont judge him for being an addict. Its a good reflection for how active addiction really is. I pay attention.

As a co-worker on a crab boat, he pisses me off.

We brought him on to bleach which I was ok with. It meant I didn’t have to.

He was worthless. sick. He had a little chair set up that he wouldn’t get out of to help me get the buoys. it made my job a lot harder. A storm was coming. the ocean wasn’t very nice, and was getting worse as the day progressed.

He was sneaking hits off his glass dick too. That pissed me off. He was behind a step all day.

So after a few times of me getting the buoys to him seeing him just sitting there I started throwing them at him. at first it was gently. trying to get him to wake up and be ready. When that wasnt working, I started throwing them hard without looking at him. The buoys are hard. They hurt. I know. I get hit by them sometimes as they come through the block.

He whined about it between strings, I told him Its shitty on the rail. help me. He didnt, so I kept on doing it.

He kept running behind, I had to help him catch up which put me a little behind on the last string. Skipper was flying through it at warp speed. I ran back to the rail reached out to clear line from the block and Matt missed the valve and the pot came flying out towards me at full speed.

I saw it coming jumped back, put my arms up blocked it from hitting my face., the edge got my elbows and sent me flying across the deck. I didnt feel hurt and went right back to work.

Skipper didn’t slow down. He didn’t even ask if I was ok. He knew it happened. All he cared about was running that string.

Five or six pots after the accident I started feeling it. My hands hurt already, everything was amplified. My broken thumb is still very angry.

I realized he didn’t even make sure I was ok. That made me angry.

I had literally been running all day and hadn’t had a chance to eat anything substantial. I was ready to fight, but my arms hurt. My attitude went to complete shit but I finished the string.

On the way in, I didn’t say anything. I’m running out of boats to tell to fuck off here. If I don’t finish the trip I don’t get paid for it. I dont get a check until the product is off the boat and there is a fish ticket. Nothing good was going to come out of my mouth, so I kept it shut.

We made our landing. During offload he never asked if I was OK.

He stood around drinking beers with others while Matt and I offloaded.

I made it to the safety of my no alcohol allowed zone, got some sleep, ate, but didn’t sleep well. Woke up in a self destructive funk, feeling like going AWOL. a fuck everything bender.

Ive come to far to fall backwards…

On a positive note we saved three people on a yacht yesterday. The were going to anchor up and ride the storm out in an area that would have been pretty miserable for them. There is an ocean chart that tells boats our bay is safe to hide from high winds… It is from the north wind. Not from the south. More than one boat has met its doom following the advise from that chart.

Their anchor got stuck when they tried to leave after we warned them. we had to help them get unstuck. the ocean was raging at this point. We got them free and I watched them sail the opposite way that we advised them to go. I hope they are OK. It looked like it was father, son and grandpa. its horrible out there right now.

Feeling a little better just writing this.

Day 495! I have to see what day 500 feels like!

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@JasonFisher. What a story!!! It is fascinating to hear about a job/industry so foreign to me. The strength of body, mind, and character…just wow. What sticks out is how dangerous it is to have a druggie on the boat “helping” worse than having nobody to help. And Skipper sounds like a crusty old hardened guy. I’m thinking he only cares about the bottom line. It sounds like you had much to be pissed off about. And, I hope you aren’t too badly injured. And if you can go 495 days with no drinking…you can do more. I don’t know your age, but thinking you are relatively young to do such a physical job. Any thoughts about doing something else? Way easier said than done, that I know. Just a thought. Amazing story! And amazing ability to not drink. Or punch someone out.

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I have left fishing in pursuit of other things. The ocean always calls me back. There is so much I love about it.

I want to quit this job right now. I’ve committed to April 15th. I feel like finishing my contract will be in my best interests. Its been a hard season. There aren’t a lot of crab. We’ve done better than anyone else. It hasn’t been that good.

Crab are hard to catch right now, but they are worth alot because of that. On the opener we got paid 2.85 a pound now they are worth 7.25. I made 800 bucks yesterday. Good money, but considering I’ll be worthless today and tomorrow, then have to go back to work still injured, how good is it?

At least I’m not drunk and worthless.

The money in crabbing can be really good! the most I have ever made in a day was 9,875 dollars. That’s addicting. its also a gamble because I have literally starved on a horrible season. I ate fish, so I never starve, but I was broke! So gambling a form of addiction. That big money bug.

Then there’s adrenaline. Nothing gives it like fishing. Its huge! I find all my other skills boring now that I’ve commercial fished.

If I walk now, I also let someone else cash in on all my hard work. I moved the gear where the crab are. Theres alot of things about this boat that I love. Thats part of why I kept my mouth shut yesterday. Another bonus of recovery. Get a few drinks in me and my communication skills destroy everything.

I need to be my own boss again. Theres a boat I want to buy. I was hoping to be able to do it with my crab earnings. The season hasnt been lucrative enough. Its a good boat. comes with a salmon permit.

Me feeling all self destructive over yesterday tells me I have some more inner work to do. The tools I have are working though.

The desire to self destruct has faded.

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:muscle: you got this :muscle:

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Hey Jason.
Just wanted to say thanks for that link to chapter 3 in the Big Book from Matt’s post.
@Soundlab
I already listened to it. I’m going to listen to it again on my next walk. For some reason I never ever thought of listening to the audio of the Big Book. Or any book for that matter. I Did it once with some other book while driving and I didn’t like it. I got a short attention span so I’ll listen to it a few times on my walks. I was really chuckling at all the excuses to justify drinking.

So if you don’t mind me asking why or what made you drink in Hawaii? Was it like I’m just going to Hawaii and I’ll drink for that trip only? Or did you decide to try and control your drinking :joy:. I don’t mean to laugh. It’s just that word control :rofl:

The reason why I’m asking is I got a trip to France. Wine country. But it’s not until summer 2022. I don’t think of it often. I’m just in the one day at a time thing right now. But when Matt posted today it got my ol addicted brain thinking :thinking:. If I don’t drink on the plane :joy: if I only drink on wine tastings. If I just don’t get drunk. Will it be worth it. Will I be able to come back and be sober again. Like I said. ODAAT. I don’t know what the fuck is happening next week. Never mind summer 2022. We were suppose to take the trip last year but Rona fuck it up. Then this year it got canceled again until next summer.

Anyway. Thanks for the tip on the audio. I’m going to search the big book and listen to it on half of my daily walk instead of just music.

Sorry to horn in on your thread. If you want me to take this post down and do private message just say the word.

I hope you are able to get out of the fishing business April 15 if that is still your plan. It sounds like you are always busting your butt for those guys. And it sounds so dangerous. No offense. But you must be getting a little old for that shit. My back hurts just reading your stories.
Take care.
:pray:t2::heart:

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I’m glad you enjoyed Chapter three.

When I’m home working on my videos and photos I listen to AA literature quite a bit. I also like listening to speaker meetings. Some of them are really funny and deliver a great message. Others hit home and make me think.

The big book is interesting because its always capable of delivering a message I never got before even though I have read it myself, with others and listened to it at least 100 times, most likely alot more than that. I think of the book as fact. Stuff that comes out of other peoples mouths is opinion. Even though their opinion may be correct I like to see it in the book.

The book also paints a clearer image of what AA really is. Its a miracle. I’m spiritually challenged and don’t throw out the word miracle often, but the fact that a few train wreck drunks got together and figured this out and it evolved into something that has helped millions create a foundation to build recovery from is pretty miraculous.

Theres an old movie from the late sixties/early seventies. As Bill Sees it. I watched that with my sponsor at the time before we went to a meeting to celebrate my sixty day coin. This was back in 2002. That movie made me shed tears of joy. That’s when I realized what a miracle AA is. The meeting made me realize I was a part of it. I felt safe for the first time in a long time.

I had already been doing the 90 meetings in 90 days thing, at 60 days I had made a lot of sober friends who came to celebrate my 60 day milestone. That was pretty cool.

I stayed sober for nearly a decade.

When I went to Hawaii I had a reservation with being able to possibly have a couple of drinks with my date. I wanted to not do it, and was hoping it wouldn’t happen, but when she bought me a drink I didn’t even hesitate.

The desire to be able to drink like a gentleman got me again.

I couldnt stop. I blacked out, but I remember pieces. I made a giant ass out of myself. I was drinking and driving like I owned Kauai. What I don’t remember I heard about repeatedly from my date so I wont ever forget again. That sucked! I’m really lucky I didn’t get in major trouble.

I like to joke about my bottom being on the beach in Kauai. In reality that was a pretty solid bottom to hit because it hurt. I was miserable in paradise, hating myself because I ruined an event that was supposed to be incredible. I really liked my date. I had almost ruined things between us a few times drinking.

I’m glad you posted here. I’ve been thinking about writing in here more often. Crabbing is winding down. We are heading out tomorrow to run gear. We moved some gear. if it doesnt pay we will probably stack out and bring the gear home.

Its been going pretty good on the boat lately. Skippers trying to butter me up to stick around this summer. Matt had to take a few days off so I have to run block and work with Tweaky tomorrow. Tweaky helped me move the gear. We did a fishing trip together too. He is the poster child for why I’m glad I don’t do drugs.

I havent made up my mind weather Im going to fish this summer with him yet. We are going to take some time off in June. The summer fishery is pretty easy.

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@Dazercat and @JasonFisher you two gentlemen are incredible. This is exactly how the program works. One alcoholic helping another. Sharing our experiences, strengths and hopes. Keep up the good work. Much respect to you both. :heart:

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Our gear move payed. We took 85 pots to a different area and found some crab! So we went and got two more loads 255 total.

We caught all the keeper crab in the danger zone. I’m glad we don’t have to go in there anymore.

As skipper was making the decision to move gear, Matt decided he needed to go visit his kids. He made the arrangements the told Skipper about it. Skipper wasnt happy. So he brought tweeky back and we got it done.

Tweeky was worthless the first couple of days. It was annoying. Skipper was yelling at him. I was yelling at him. Skipper was being hard to run block with because of his stress over the other crew. It was stressing me out, and I almost hurt myself again running the block.

I had tweaky get in there and run it. That was a disaster so skipper came out and ran the block. There are steering and throttle controls by the block.

Tweaky gets sick all the time. Im 99% sure its dope sick. He left his kit out at the shop and skipper found it before crab season started, while I was staying at the shop. There was both heroin and meth smoking tools. When confronted he gave every typical addict excuse there is.

He was told to get his shit together. He never did. he just got worse.

Six months later and he is even worse.

He must have got a draw because on our last day he was pretty good. He ran block and did a good job. I assume its because He got a fix.

The wind picked up on our last trip and hasn’t stopped giving me some much needed time off. Skipper must be burnt out too. He went camping.

Skipper hasn’t been drinking on the boat, but the first thing he does is go for that beer when we hit the dock. We have a live crab storage at the shop, where we keep the crab for the week and truck them up to Coos bay and sell to the highest bidder.

Skippers girlfriend and another active alcoholic meet us when we come in to help get the crab off the boat and to the shop. They always have his beer for him. He cannot get off the boat fast enough for that beer.

I help get the crab settled in at the shop. Everyone is drinking. I don’t hang out. I’m ready for a shower and a good meal. Even if they weren’t drinking. I wouldn’t hang out.

On tweakys worst day we tried to find a replacement but had no luck. My best friend here is a fisherman too. I quit hanging out with him because I would end up drinking. Over the last few years all my attempts at quitting drinking failed because I kept hanging out with him. I’d get thirty days, maybe sixty, one time I made it to 87 days but failed because I kept going to slippery places and hanging out with slippery people. Mostly him.

He’s fished with my skipper a lot. They go way back. While I was on the prison ship he was crabbing on current boat. Skipper was in reckless drunk mode and I heard some stories. Skippers whole crew walked on him.

When my buddy told me about the open spot, I was holding out for another boat. I knew this was a money making boat, so I called. the first words out of his mouth was I’m not drinking. Good, me either. Lets do this.

Anyways, it was around noon when we hit him up to help us. He was drunk. He said no way. He is done crabbing for the year. We offered him good money. He still wouldn’t. This was after he was whining about how broke he is. He bragged about how he already made plans to drink beer all day tomorrow. He wouldn’t budge.

Tweeky was our only option.

He did better, and the next day he rocked! We moved all the gear to a new area. Matt didn’t help. Skipper put Matt on hold. He was gone for 10 days. I see why skipper is upset. He didn’t give a notice was supposed to be gone for 5 he didn’t call or text.

Skipper and I were both wondering if he may have relapsed. He went to old stomping ground with a pocket full of money.

I’ve seen him and talked to him. He looked healthy. He’s clean.

That my life. Worrying about whether skippers going to go back off the deep end. How tweaky is Tweeky going to be? I hope Matt stays clean. I hope I stay clean! They are all good people! I have alot of love for them. We cheated death together!

Overall my recovery is feeling pretty solid. Skippers not even legally allowed to buy beer. He asked me to go into the store and get his beer.

It was his birthday, so I did and when I was there, I looked at all my favorite beers and was nope. Fuck you, and you and especially you. I grabbed his half rack of Budweiser and thought Id rather drink piss than drink a Budweiser.

This is my third day off the water. I’m feeling well rested. Usually if I get a third day off, im getting ready for the next grind. I’m off till Friday. I plan on alot of self care. Photography, drone, some timelapses if the sky cooperates. its been clear. Clear skies make boring timelapses.

Buying camera gear with my beer money has been really good for me. If I was a drunk I wouldnt be chasing sunrises. If I was a tweaker Id be hiding from them.

Physically I feel great! My hands are sore. My thumb still hurts a little. but its healing good. Im 53 years old, and Im in awesome physical condition. Because I fish. I visited my freinds I grew up with in slc while I was there. their physical condition wasnt so hot.

Skippers been calling me his first mate lately. He wants me to fish salmon and tuna this summer. He is fishy. Slang for being a really good fisherman. He is one of the fishiest people I have ever met. We fished salmon last fall when I got back. It was awesome! we got em! And it was fun! We two man salmon.

Salmon is my favorite fishery. I have always loved catching salmon. As a sport fisherman, Especially as a commercial. Its fun! Its my favorite job title of all the ones I carry. Professional salmon fisher!

Feeling pretty awesome on day 523!

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I just got home from a crab trip. Crabbings stiil holding up. We aren’t catching a lot but they are worth a fortune because they are hard to find. It hasn’t been a great year but I cant complain. We caught more crab than any other boat on the dock.

Its Friday night, I have a pocket full of money and the bar is right next door, and I have a couple days off. Yet, I have zero desire to drink. How cool is that? really cool!

The longer I am here on this forum the more I love it, and the more gratitude I have for it and all the friends I have made here.

I’ve been reaching out to help others more. Its helps me.

I’ve noticed I can talk about painful experiences from my past. Things not caused by my alcoholism. I can share to help others and it makes me feel good. This is a huge, unexpected gift of recovery.

When I first found this place, I came in talking alot of shit. I was still pretty anti AA, and very opinionated about many aspects of recovery. I had warped my brain from my meth and alcohol bender(trainwreck). I had difficulty putting time frames on things. Still this last decade seems and feels like a blur. All because I decided to try and drink like a gentleman for eight years of it.

Looking back on my decade of recovery, that seems like a blur too. Because time flies! It flies drunk, and it flies sober! I remember a lot more of my recovery decade. Especially now that the fog has lifted. My previous recovery and this recovery are so similar. I think I grew faster the first time, because it was fresh, exciting and new.

My inner alcoholic sure warped my thinking when I started drinking again. Its been harder to unlearn that. Im getting there.

After I relapsed in Hawaii, I felt like I should shut up and listen. I didn’t feel I had anything of value to offer, so I didn’t try and help people for a while. It nice to feel like I have something to give away again. Something I can give to help another.

The twelfth step. Its huge!

All of you who have supported me in my journey. Thank you!

My oldest sent me this text today.

“Guess what dad! Your boy made it! On Monday I got recruited to join the football team at my school! and I just finished my first practice this morning. some of the most intense stuff ever. I just wanted to say that you are one of my biggest inspirations and that i have been killin it out here. I cant wait to see you sometime in the near future.”

Recovery is AMAZING!

535 days!

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This is all beautiful.
Thanks.
And what a great text there Dad :heart::heart:
How wonderful is that !?
Thanks for sharing more. You’re certainly helping me. And it ain’t just the memes :rofl:
:pray:t2::heart:

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I’m almost choked up reading that text from your son; I’m so happy and proud of and for you, my friend! :hugs:

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@JasonFisher … your stories just floor me. Your crabbing/fishing stories are just fascinating. Love your description of all the usual suspects! The Hawaii story, although unfortunate, was a great story.

And I have something in common with you. Now I feel like I’m cool. :sunglasses: But, I had many (18!!) years of sobriety and relapsed because the person I was with wanted me to. And it was in paradise. St. John, VI. It gets better…I was on my honeymoon!! Second marriage. He had never seen me at my “best” so didn’t know the Pandora’s Box he was opening. He found out!! Long story short…he was an addict/alcoholic that I had no business marrying. Yup, out of my life.

What you say about AA is piquing my interest. In rehab 150 years ago…well, OK, it was actually 35 years ago…I went to AA. In 30 days I didn’t get too far in. When I left rehab I was SO happy to be alcohol-free that it lasted for years. Zero desire to drink!! And today at 50 days, the desire isn’t there, although I know it could return at any second…I question if AA could provide me with the tools to improve on a spiritual level. Maybe just start by listening to The Big Book. I look audiobooks and have listened to hundreds over the years.

And finally…like Donna, I about teared up over your son’s post. You must be proud of his accomplishment and happy about his pride in you. Great stuff! Interestingly I texted both of my sons yesterday to tell them how proud I am of them (27 and 24) and the kind, considerate men they are. Accomplishments aside, they are good men. So important. And their texts back to me made ME cry. Despite my baddest behavior they love me and are glad I’m their mom.

Wow…that was a long one-fingered post. Much faster on my computer. I was inspired by my fisherman friend!! You should write a book!!

Happy sober Saturday! Oh…and I love crab and salmon! So thanks for that!!

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I find AA to be helpful on my spiritual journey. Its something I have to take what I need and leave the rest. Because the steps use the word god, I had a hard time connecting with it.

My first introduction to AA was court appointed.(150 years ago) I was 19 years old, and had been charged with drunk driving. Part of my “punishment” was AA meetings. The steps were hung on the wall and I read them, and cut myself off from hearing anything that could help me.

After a few meetings someone told me I could sign my card and nobody would know. I did that. I never got anything out of my first connection with AA. I never gave it a chance.

15 years later when I started going voluntarily I was able to get past the use of the word God. I began to develop my own understanding of it.

I began my quest for spirituality then. I realized I had very little understanding of spirituality. I felt like I needed some, so I began to explore. To me the word God implies that there is some invisible sky daddy who watches over me and checks a list of bad things I do and good things I do. when I die if my bad list is bigger than my good list, I get sent to eternal punishment.

I was born into an extremely abusive home. I felt god already had it in for me by putting me there. I had already assumed that God didn’t like me very much. That mindset didn’t give me much hope.

AA helped me open my mind and explore spirituality. I developed a very non traditional concept of God. One that works for me.

Listening to the big book is great! It helps me.

I find attending meetings comforting. In a world where drinking is normalized and everywhere, I like being in a room full of people who are trying not to drink. I like listening to what others on this path have to say about all the different topics. I love the fellowship. We are everywhere. At work and most other places it feels like I’m the only one. In AA I know I’m not.

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One way that fellowship worked, and continues to work, for me is that the sense of connection with other humans allows me to connect with the greater presence that is in a room where we gather for a dedicated purpose. Call it love or god, there is an energy there.

I went to visit a former sponsee who is now a friend. Sitting at his kitchen table, taking about amends, the energy was there. Listening to “speaker tapes” on my app, just me in the car commuting, the energy was there.

Without AA, I don’t think I could have found such healing and wholeness. I recommend that you give it a try, @Mbwoman. It may not work for everyone and it’s not the only path to recovery and spiritual growth, but it is a path that had worked for millions of us over 8 decades now.

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Yesterday We put the salmon gear on the boat. I love salmon fishing so I was super excited to go today.

We have storage underneath the floor in the cabin. It accesses the engine. We changed the oil and had the hatch open most of the day. When we were finished, I was putting supplies in the cabin. We have a fridge and I was struggling getting four twelve packs of soda to fit, so I decided to put two of them in a storage bin on the other side of the cabin. I stood up and turned around and stepped into the open hold. I fell and hit hard. Cans flew everywhere. It hurt so bad. I hit my hip, back, ribs and elbow, and knee into the opening of the hatch and the ladder that helps step down. It took me a couple of minutes to be able to get up. It took another few minutes to be able to crawl back out of there.

I managed to shake it off. Joked about it. Told skipper he probably would have laughed if he saw it. He was concerned. I wasn’t going to miss the first salmon trip. I hurt, but I could move everything.

we finished. about an hour later I made it home, sat down for 1/2 hour and when I tried to get up, my hip, and left knee was in tremendous pain like I broke something. In the past when I have broken bones that’s how it goes. Stop moving for a minute, then My body lets me know how bad I injured myself when I try and use it again.

It was throbbing. I have a pretty high pain tolerance. On a scale of 1-10 for pain severity It was a solid nine. I couldn’t find a position that didn’t hurt. I decided to call skipper and let him know.

I took some Ibuprofin, and an hour later my pain scale was down to four or five. I managed to sleep.

This morning I woke up feeling pretty bummed out. My pain without any ibuprofin yet was still in the four to five range. My mental pain was much higher. I woke up in my self pity pot. Took some Ibuprofin and I feel much better. Pain scale is 2-4, mental pain is relieved.

Its because I have all of this photography equipment and was going through some recent stuff, and getting ready to edit you tube videos. Its all the cool things I have because I quit spending money on booze and started pursuing a dream.

I have another drone to be delivered today. Its a new release and has a really good camera on it with all the latest drone technology. I can launch and set it to follow me on the water. Its going to take my YouTube videos to the next leveI may try and film the boat as it makes its first salmon landing without me. I couldn’t do it if I was working, so making the best of a bad situation helps me feel better.

If I was still drinking, I would have used booze to medicate my pain. I would be worthless right now, and because booze is so effective at relieving physical pain I would probably risk injuring myself more because I cant feel it.

Or My accident would have been caused by my drinking. Been there done that a bunch of times.

If my pain scale was still a solid nine Id be stressed out a lot more than I am, so I’m feeling extremely grateful this morning.

I keep getting people wanting to pay me to shoot videos, and paid photography gigs too. My dreams of being a professional photographer/videographer are coming true. Thats a gift of recovery!

540 days since my final relapse. Feeling beat up but awesome!

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Heard from skipper. He went out by himself. The main goal was to test the gear. He didnt find any salmon. Hes back early. The main salmon opener is on the first. There is a small area close to home that is open targeting spring salmon near the Rogue river. The first it opens everywhere.

We are going to target the high spot first. This place is magical! Its about 20 miles off shore The depth around the high spot is 900 fathoms. Its an under water mountain with a pretty flat surface that rises to 80 fathoms. Six miles long x four miles wide. Life gathers there. from the smallest to the largest. I have seen amazing things there. Thousands of whales, porpoises, tuna jumping everywhere! and some of the best salmon fishing I have ever seen!

I get all warm and fuzzy thinking about the high spot!

Crabbing tomorrow. were going to go run our gear. its been soaking for 5 days through the full moon. Crabs usually snap on the full moon.

No rest for me. Im feeling better now that I have been moving around a little. Just waiting on the delivery notification for the new drone.

Double drone action for the high spot!

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Do you ever share links here to your videos? I’d love to watch them

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Fish Tough - YouTube

I need subscribers. YouTube makes you qualify before it monetizes your videos. Two requirements are 1000 hours of viewing time. Which I have. The other is 1000 subscribers. I have 42. My channel has been officially started for a 2 months. People are watching, but not subscribing. I havent gotten serious about promoting it yet. I have a couple other videos I need to make. usually first day off the boat I go through the footage. 2nd day I try and get one done. maybe two if im lucky.

Im going to try and finish one today.

Lately the weather has been nice on my days off and Im out making more instead of finishing more.

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Now you have 43, I just subscribed. :sweat_smile:

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Count me in! 44.

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