I woke up in a bit of a self destructive funk.
I figure I better share about it. I dont want to act upon it.
Yesterday was another close call crabbing. We ran all of our gear yesterday. We usually dont run all of it in a day. we usually run half of it and move 40 to 60 pots. A storm moved in yesterday afternoon. Skipper decided we need to run all the gear so it all had fresh bait for the storm to soak for a few days. Its smart fishing. I was happy to do it.
It was also buoy bleaching time. The buoys start to grow kelp on them, and the first 25 feel of rope below the surface. The rope gets heavy causing the buoys to sink. We have a 500 gallon barrel we use to bleach. We use a powdered bleach we mix with water. Its potent! Its nasty! Its a horrible job, but its necessary every five or six weeks.
Tweeky has been laid off for a while. He was talking like he was going to go to Idaho and spend time with family there and try to get clean. As usual all talk no action.
I dont judge him for being an addict. Its a good reflection for how active addiction really is. I pay attention.
As a co-worker on a crab boat, he pisses me off.
We brought him on to bleach which I was ok with. It meant I didn’t have to.
He was worthless. sick. He had a little chair set up that he wouldn’t get out of to help me get the buoys. it made my job a lot harder. A storm was coming. the ocean wasn’t very nice, and was getting worse as the day progressed.
He was sneaking hits off his glass dick too. That pissed me off. He was behind a step all day.
So after a few times of me getting the buoys to him seeing him just sitting there I started throwing them at him. at first it was gently. trying to get him to wake up and be ready. When that wasnt working, I started throwing them hard without looking at him. The buoys are hard. They hurt. I know. I get hit by them sometimes as they come through the block.
He whined about it between strings, I told him Its shitty on the rail. help me. He didnt, so I kept on doing it.
He kept running behind, I had to help him catch up which put me a little behind on the last string. Skipper was flying through it at warp speed. I ran back to the rail reached out to clear line from the block and Matt missed the valve and the pot came flying out towards me at full speed.
I saw it coming jumped back, put my arms up blocked it from hitting my face., the edge got my elbows and sent me flying across the deck. I didnt feel hurt and went right back to work.
Skipper didn’t slow down. He didn’t even ask if I was ok. He knew it happened. All he cared about was running that string.
Five or six pots after the accident I started feeling it. My hands hurt already, everything was amplified. My broken thumb is still very angry.
I realized he didn’t even make sure I was ok. That made me angry.
I had literally been running all day and hadn’t had a chance to eat anything substantial. I was ready to fight, but my arms hurt. My attitude went to complete shit but I finished the string.
On the way in, I didn’t say anything. I’m running out of boats to tell to fuck off here. If I don’t finish the trip I don’t get paid for it. I dont get a check until the product is off the boat and there is a fish ticket. Nothing good was going to come out of my mouth, so I kept it shut.
We made our landing. During offload he never asked if I was OK.
He stood around drinking beers with others while Matt and I offloaded.
I made it to the safety of my no alcohol allowed zone, got some sleep, ate, but didn’t sleep well. Woke up in a self destructive funk, feeling like going AWOL. a fuck everything bender.
Ive come to far to fall backwards…
On a positive note we saved three people on a yacht yesterday. The were going to anchor up and ride the storm out in an area that would have been pretty miserable for them. There is an ocean chart that tells boats our bay is safe to hide from high winds… It is from the north wind. Not from the south. More than one boat has met its doom following the advise from that chart.
Their anchor got stuck when they tried to leave after we warned them. we had to help them get unstuck. the ocean was raging at this point. We got them free and I watched them sail the opposite way that we advised them to go. I hope they are OK. It looked like it was father, son and grandpa. its horrible out there right now.
Feeling a little better just writing this.
Day 495! I have to see what day 500 feels like!