Alcoholic, still I guess partially in denial. I need help and advice

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In the last 6 months I have developed an alcohol problem. I have been drinking 3 mixed drinks a night. A 12 ounce Diet Pepsi with 3oz of Bacardi. Usually on Friday or Saturday I will have 5 drinks and I am hungover the next day and don’t drink.

I’m overweight. I have inflammation, arthritis in both hips, and my body hurts. I have also just discovered that I have Lipedema. So I need to stop eating and drinking anything that causes inflammation if I ever want to lose weight and get healthy and stop being in pain constantly.

I stay up way too late and sleep like absolute shit and sleep in until 9, sometimes 11! Then I’m so tired and exhausted and in pain every morning/day and have no motivation to do anything until around 2-3pm when I usually pour my first drink.

After my first drink, I am happy, motivated, ready to do fun stuff with my kids, cleaning is easy and fun. Otherwise I have no motivation. I am not social or anything at all, but after the first drink I am happy and social and not insecure anymore. After my second drink, my pain goes away.

My fiance is also an alcoholic. The last 2-3 months as the night goes on, one of us ends up having too much to drink and we end up angry and fighting and are mean to each other about 2-3 times a week.

We are financially struggling and behind on bills.

But everyday 2-3pm, I pour that drink, he gets home around 3 and cracks a beer. Everyday.

I know all of these very negative consequences alcohol is having on our lives, and still everyday I pour a drink.

And boom, I’m motivated and happy and ready to do my house and yard tasks and have fun outside with the kids.

I know I have a problem. But I don’t want to quit still.

Every morning I go through the ‘I need to stop drinking and get my shit together’ mental talk. But then I still pour that drink.

My fiance and I both drank too much last night and got into a big argument. Afterwards I dumped out my bottle of Rum and all his beers because I know we are just fighting because of the alcohol and for the last 2-3 months I have been knowing I have a problem and need to quit but still keep drinking. So I dumped it out! I was happy about that this morning. Now I’m not.

This morning I was so set on not drinking anymore and we had a text convo about how toxic the alcohol is and that we are both done with drinking. 2pm rolls around and having a drink is literally ALL I can think about. I want that dopamine boost so bad I can feel it in my chest.

I’m sitting outside while the kids are playing. I’m not participating, just sitting here typing this out. I don’t want to do anything, I actually want to cry.

How can I still have happiness and motivation? How can I feel social and not self conscious?

How do I make this feeling go away?

God I want a drink so bad! I just want to go lay in my bed and watch my phone and do nothing.

I’m still trying to rationalize how I could have maybe just one drink. I have looked up what I could drink with my rum that would cause less inflammation.

I don’t know what to do! I know I need to quit drinking. Because obviously drinking every day is not healthy or safe. But I still want to drink. When people make online posts or comments about other people drinking too much or all the time, I feel guilty and embarrassed and like some of the comments are directed towards me. Yet I still want a drink. I’m always frustrated and have a short temper and feel overwhelmed and overstimulated and alcohol makes it go away.

I have adhd and am probably on the spectrum. And I know my meds don’t work as well when I drink the night before, but I still keep drinking.

I know I have all these reasons to quit. Why am I having such a hard time? Why can’t I just be happy and motivated normal like everyone else without alcohol?

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Welcome Witchy,
I’m so happy you found us.

Your story sounds vaguely familiar. My wife and I were drinking buddies forever. We use to wait until 5. And we would always argue and fight at night too. And we’d pass out on the couch. Then it crept up to after lunch. Then we were drinking martinis for lunch. It got so bad.

We have a beautiful grown up family. And after every trip or vacation or bender we’d say. That’s it! We’re going to stop! By 3 or 4 we were drinking again.

I finally decided I had had enough. I finally decided!” Not we.

I didn’t want to go to meetings yet, I and thought……there’s got to be an app for this. There’s an app for everything else. And that’s when I found this beautiful sober community. I had finally gotten support for my alcohol addiction. Alcohol addiction is way too big for me to handle alone.

I read around here every chance I could. A lot! I found some threads I felt comfortable with and joined in with the others. And I’m still sober today.

Have a good read around. Keep an open mind. Listen to what works for others. And do it one day at a time. ODAAT.
I hope to see you around. It sounds like you have a beautiful family there and you’re poisoning yourself and you need help.
:folded_hands: :purple_heart:

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I made it through the worst part of the initial craving I think. The kids and I are back inside and out of our swim suits and hanging out on the couch. I feel a lot better than I did when I was initially writing the post at 2pm, it’s 4:15pm now.

I feel like tired and blah without alcohol in the afternoon/rvening. But I think it’s probably okay to let myself just be a couch potato and everyone can either have screen time or play.

I also think one problem is that the kids always want to do “something fun” every day. Like go to the park or go to the lake or go to the river or go for a walk or go to Memaw and Papa’s house or go fishing or go for a dirt road drive or or or or.

I feel like I am being lazy or like a bad mom if we don’t go do something every single day.

But it’s normal to not go do “something fun” every single day, right?

What do normal people do in the afternoons and evenings?

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Welcome to the community. Thats a very powerful and well written thread. Thankyou for sharing.

I know exactly what you mean. Knowing you need to stop but not wanting to stop.

Its not easy and no one gets it on the first try. If it was easy… this whole website/ app wouldn’t exist. So know you are not alone.

Its good to have tools and community in sobriety l. Addiction will isolate and keep you stuck in a loop. This community is amazing for the collective wisdom and support it offers and after years and years of trying to get sober, this app has been my #1 tool in getting sober.

Check out threads here. Post daily. There are gratitude threads. All sorts of hobbies and interests to interact with like minded sober or aspiring sober individuals.

I personally check into the “ checking in daily to maintain focus” thread. Its encouraging to see yours and others daily counter get higher and higher and encourage others and learn things along the way.

Fill your spare time with sobriety content. Go check out an AA meeting or similar. Listen to sobriety related podcasts. ( i like recovery elevator)

Just keep on reading if not anything else. There is soo much wisdom here and it too me a while before sobriety finally seemed to stick and i came out of the shadows and started to regularly post to encourage others when i was in a dark place. :blush:

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That’s how we started too! Drinking buddies. We also used to wait until later in the evenings too.

Your wife wasn’t able to make it sober with you? Or you decided and she was able to get sober too?

We live in a small region with a population of about 6500 people. There’s nothing to do here, and I don’t know if there even is AA here. Plus with the “small town” bs and drama, everyone talks about everyone and gossips and rumors.

I’m embarrassed about my alcohol addiction. I would not be able to go to an AA meeting and see people I know or have community members see me go to an AA meeting.

So true, there is an app for everything! :joy:

I found this amazing app by searching for a “sobriety tracker”.

I feel a lot better being able to read other people’s thoughts and feelings and advice and struggle. I don’t have anyone I feel comfortable or safe sharing my thoughts with right now. Even my fiance. I’m still too embarrassed to admit out loud to anyone how bad my problem is.

I do have an amazing beautiful family and they all deserve better! I am done poisoning myself.

Thank you so much for your support and response!

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Thank you so much! I’m feeling much more optimistic after I made it through my initial craving and finding this app with so much support!

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My wife is sober now. But no, she kept drinking. She had to hit rock bottom and quit the hard way. When I told her I was finally done, she said she’d support me but she was still gonna drink. And drink she did! A lot. It actually inspired me to keep going the first year. But then she got really out of control for the next 5 years of my sobriety it was just awful. It’s Not like we have control anyway. That’s a whole ‘nother story. I started a thread for that.

It’s funny, and I’m not pushing AA. But it’s funny I hear all the time your excuse for not going. And people see people from their town like oh you too! :grinning_face: it took me 3 years before I went to AA. I just needed more for my sobriety. And now I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks about me going. I’m proud to share my story and maybe just help someone.

There’s tons of AA meetings on line. You don’t even have to have your camera on. Just listen.

Read and learn Witchy. Read and learn, from others who have learned the tools to stop killing themselves with alcohol.

I started with gratitude on the gratitude thread. It’s a powerful tool. Some start with that check in thread @Jaybeeem suggested. But just don’t drink today. And you got the best day 1 ever!

If I don’t have that first drink I can do this.
Reach out here before you pick up. We’ve all had to start with day one. We know what it’s like.

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I’m so happy for you two that you both made it through!!

I wish alcohol was never invented.

Both of my parents were alcoholics growing up and that’s really when I started drinking around like 15… I don’t want that for my kids and I know kids usually copy their parents! I know I am strong enough to get through this and give my kids and myself a better life!

I think that while still struggling initially with this addiction and getting through just day one, I’m still so embarrassed and sensitive but I feel like as time goes on and I have even 30 days sober under my belt, I will feel proud of myself and not care what anyone thinks. But while I’m feeling so emotional and raw on day one, I am afraid of being judged. I have a fear of being perceived, and alcohol always helped with that. Have to find a new coping mechanism now, perhaps one that is healthy!

I made it through my 2pm craving and put my comfy clothes on and am eating some dinner. I didn’t have the drink! I can do this! I don’t feel like having a drink at all now and am so happy i was able to find this app and get some of my thoughts out.

I even just did tell my fiance a little, I told him that I’m having a hard time and come 2pm all I can think about is having a drink and that I am not going to drink at all anymore.

We are going to a wedding this weekend that he is a groomsman in, and he said he isn’t going sober…. Uhg. So we will see how he does. Im nervous about it because he drinks wayyyy to much and gets embarrassingly drunk then gets mean, I anticipate that I will end up going home early and leaving him there…I also don’t want to go to the wedding, especially sober, but I rsvp’d that I was going, so I should probably go, but I’m not looking forward to a huge social event sober.

I am not going to give up and give in to my cravings and addiction!

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If you feel like your sobriety would be threatened by the weddingyou could just go to the ceremony and skip the reception. Going to my first wedding 3 months in was very tough. Whats important is protecting your infant sobriety and doing whats necessary to keep it safe.

Me and my husband were drinking buddies for years but both our alcohol and drug abuse got so bad. I didnt think our marriage would last its first year due to all the alcohol and drinking at eachother we did.

I got sober with the help of this app, aa, working the 12steps, dharma recovery. Hubby quit about 2 months after me. He felt the distance growing between us and used that as motivation until he acknowledged he had an issue. Hes sober from alcohol without any supports but an annual facebook post.

There are many ways to recover. I get your small town fear of aa. I started my journey online just because of that. Every meeting has their own flavor. So if one doesnt resonate try another. Speaker meetings were the best because i could hear how others journeys went and didnt have to share…dipping my toes into sobriety

I downloaded the meeting guide others use intherooms app or the everything aa app.

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I know I am strong enough to not drink at the wedding, but I also know I will not have a good time.

Sober me is a homebody and not social at all.

Plus when I’m sober, I can not stand drunk people. :joy:

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Maybe you haven’t really gotten to know sober you! You gotta give it some time! I used to feel this same way and I realized I’m just as goofy sober and people still like me. If not.. I could care less now!

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This is how we all think in the beginning @WickedWitchOfTheEast so we get it. But the cold hard truth is that once we have a problem with alcohol we always will. The days of just having one drink are over. In the beginning I, like many others, could not get my head around never drinking again! How would I have any fun? That is why it’s much more manageable to do one day at a time. It sounds trite but it’s actually TRUE. I cannot encourage you enough to attend some meetings. I couldn’t fathom going in person either so I attended online meetings. The ones with speaker shares helped me so much. Total game changer. When you are in the presence of people who know how hard it is to quit it just builds you up so much. You start to want what they have: sober days every day. Your dopamine can absolutely be reset but it takes time. Give sobriety as much time as you gave alcohol. Welcome to Talking Sober you have landed in an awesome spot! You can do it.

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You do not have to go to the wedding. You have choices. I would make sobriety my first choice.

Remember ODAAT. Just don’t drink today. Alcoholism is a cunning, baffling and insidious disease and your addict brain might be screaming at you by the week end.

If you decide to go. Have an escape plan. Sounds like you aready do. Always have your own non alcoholic drink in your hand so no one tries to force one on ya. And now you got us in your pocket. Everyone here is happy to help. It’s what we do.

Oh, and good job telling your fiancé about your not drinking. Whatever you told him.

Hope to see you on the gratitude thread in the morning. It’s a great way for me to start my day.
:purple_heart:

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many people feel like this.

i do leave social gatherings without explanation or goodbye exept a short bye for the host. and i care shit about what others do or say. you do you, they do whatever they do. i never ever missed something by leaving early without notice. not even when i still drank, i’m an early to bed person, always was. nothing beats waking up sober, nobody ever regretted it.

i would skip that wedding, just my 2 cent.

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How are you doing today?

I am so grateful that you are working on your sobriety path and have found this beautiful community.

Quitting is not easy and it will not magically make everything ok and bring immediate happiness. BUT it will provide all that and more if you stick with it. It takes hard work and patience.

I am sorry you are dealing with so many health issues too. The inflammation is a bitch to deal with and alcohol is most definitely a big contributor to that.

I don’t know what normal is cause not many people can actually moderate. I hid the excessiveness of my addiction and also appeared to be happy on the outside. We certainly can not compare ourselves with others as we don’t know what they may actually be experiencing. We know that we do not have a good relationship with alcohol and that is what we need to work on. Not even one sip - then we will be ok :hugs: Life is so beautiful and fulfilling without alcohol - we just have to retrain our minds and learn to exist without this poisonous crutch.

Support is necessary in this journey. You have found us here. If you can join a support group in real life that will also be helpful. Maybe get a counselor to help you stay accountable.

Check out the following threads to help you make a plan and gain resources. This app is also full of many threads that will help you stay on track. The community is full of support and advice and guidance. Stay connected here and keep pushing through the rough patches (they do not last and will lessen over time) and you will be celebrating many milestones :hugs:
What’s YOUR plan?

Resources for our recovery

The early days will be hard and you will be Exhausted! The body is detoxing and doing its work which takes energy. Try to be gentle with yourself. Have a lot of non alcoholic drinks (i preferred la croix’s) and keep yourself busy with tasks/ hobbies. As you gain days in sobriety, you will start gaining energy and motivation. Your brain fog will lift and your body will start to heal. You will be able to enjoy fun time with the kids. Just hang in there friend and remember that by drinking will not make you the same promises (even if it gives you that immediate false energy and boost).

Small towns are hard as everyone knows everyone. Even then you don’t realize that you really don’t know anyone as we are great at hiding our flaws and addictions. If you don’t have a AA or other recovery support groups then please join an online meetings. Some run 24/7. You do not have to participate and can keep voice / camera off till you feel comfortable.

Just cause you sent in a rsvp does not mean you are obligated to go. Many people do not show up and then so many that didn’t rsvp do show up so it balances out. You have to look out for you. Your fiance is the groomsman and has to go and it is up to him if he feels like drinking and attending the reception. You can opt out of both or just do the wedding and spend the rest of the time on your own self care. Attending these functions in early sobriety is very difficult and boring as you are filled with FOMO and struggling to not cave into the urges. Do not put yourself through that torture. If you have to go then do as @Dazercat suggested and be prepared. A non alcoholic drink in hand, a space to go and rest if needed away from the crowds, a escape plan and us in your pocket :pray:

Here’s to another day fighting the good fight :muscle: :hugs:

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“alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems’“ - Homer Simpson

This quote is so true. We use alcohol as medication, we use it because it works so well. But everything has a cost, and the cost of alcohol is insidious. It steals our health, our sleep, our money, our time, our youthful looks, our freedom, our integrity, our trust and our goodwill. It steals all this so slowly that we hardly even notice, until we wake up one day and we don’t recognize the person in the mirror.

Change your relationship with alcohol and gain back everything it stole from you. Sobriety won’t solve all of your problems, it rarely does, but it gives you a steady baseline to start from, it gives you a chance. Start today, commit to laying your sober head on your pillow tonight. Then when you wake up, start again. One day at a time.

Do this, and you will be in the position to start solving your problems, that I promise.

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Im reading your posts
I still am but i decided i have to say

"You are very brilliant "

your experiences are so valid and understood by myself i almost wonder if i know you.

Im going to read the rest of your thred now.

Stay annonomous for freedom of shereing

Edit
Your experiences in early sobriety is completely normal. Its fkin difficult to quit.

The wedding sounds fun
The alcohol is a obstacle

My wife blazes weed when she needs too
I do not

Myself going out against my own educational guesses is, you can go and not drink.
However i feel like you will want to. The peer pressure may be the gateway.

If you go
Just go to seeeeeee what the experience is like.

Bartenders surve and still have sobriety dates they stick to. I know one person who was in early sobriety and recovery who bartended for work.
This person also quit and moved on but stayed sober

I hounestly would turn the shame to bravery.
If it was me , id go and kick azz sober and proud
It will be tough at times during the wedding to put it easy.
You will want to drink
Can you say to yourself “no” over and over and stay sober?

Sobriety is freedom of choice
Are you saying no to alcohol
Or
Is alcohol forcing itself in your hand

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@WickedWitchOfTheEast I often ask folx who seem to be a crossroads in their sobriety one question. And it’s not a question that you need to tell us all the answer. It’s more for your own knowledge.

But, what are you willing to do to get, and stay, sober?

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