Thank you guys for the responses. I don’t want to hit rock bottom or worse. I feel like it’s very close.
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Start with step one. I am a drunk. I am an addict. I cannot control my compulsion to use.
Have you bottomed out yet? Do you really want to bottom out? That is what gets a lot of people to stop.
Maybe give some extended thought to what that would look like in your case, and ask yourself if that is where you want to go.
I hope that you can stop. Just get rid of it all, all the booze or whatever else you get high with. Move on! A better life is waiting. Not easier, but better. With no hangovers or nasty come downs.
This is one thing you do want to quit and give up on.
Put that extra money, time, and focus into yourself and your family. Take your life back. We aren’t here long. Don’t make life harder than it is. Do whatever it takes to stop using.
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I went to my first AA meeting 18 years before I got permanently sober. It was 10 years from my first DUI until my last one on the day I stopped drinking. And for the last 3 years of my drinking, I was resigned to just drink and let happen what may. I’d stopped trying to quit.
And there are folks on here who have felt only the first nip of the wringer and decided to pursue sobriety. There’s a whole variety of experience. But common to all of us is that we have started at day 1, didn’t drink that day, woke up sober and went to bed on day 2 still sober. And very few of us did this all on our own - we all need help, we all need a strength beyond ourselves.
Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.
There is hope, brother.
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Maybe you can try IOP or residential treatment? Rack up a few DUIs or catch some felony cases i wouldn’t recommend, it finally stuck in my thick skull that those ways didnt work either kept me clean for a moment but nothing really that kept me in line where i wanted to be sober. We can except our fate but we can also control our destiny or keep wracking our brain until something clicks. There is a solution to the problem, i had to just understand how i was contributing to my problems.
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Hi @Zach2 and welcome here! I can hear the hopelessness in your words. That is a tough place to be in.
In my experience, it works if you work it. If it’s not working, there’s something holding you back. Or something you are holding back.
It sounds like drinking is still giving you something. What could that be?
Maybe just the security of the known chaos and low expectations? just some ideas. Ask yourself.
And there is a difference between sitting in a chair at AA or with a councilor and doing AA, doing counselling or therapy. The difference is whether you want to get something from it, whether you apply yourself. Whether you do the work.
I’m saying this not to shame you but to point out, there is always reason to go back and try again, it’ll be a new experience because you are different now than you were. Maybe you want it more now. Maybe you have to dig really deep and find a therapist to work on your reasons, why you drink. That’s what I am doing and it’s a blessing in my life.
There is hope for you Zach, just like there is hope for all of us here! Get your ass to a meeting and really fucking listen. 
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Thank you guys. Day 2 again. The support here really means a lot
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One day at a time. Stay present & pay attention to how you feel. HALT is helpful:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
These feelings are common triggers for us. In our addictions we ignore them - and like a wound, they fester.
In sobriety we pay attention and respond to them in helpful ways.
Hungry - so I eat.
Angry - that means something is not how it should be; something is wrong (or at least that I believe something is wrong) - if I’m angry, I seek validation: talk to someone you trust and share how you feel & why you feel that way (they don’t have to agree; they just have to listen)
Lonely - so I need company. A meeting is a good place to find people to talk to: www.AA.org or Online meeting resources - either one of those can find you a meeting basically 24 hours a day
Tired - so I rest (lie down, close your eyes; whether you sleep or just rest it doesn’t matter - just stop and rest your body)
Self-care - and paying attention to our healthy needs - is so important for walking your road to the life you want. Take it one day at a time and be gentle with yourself. You don’t have to be perfect; you just have to be present in your life, not running away. You don’t have to run anymore.
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I do believe that you’re trying. And if trying harder doesn’t work, try different. For myself, God has steered me in a slightly different path then those around me. What’s worked for some has not worked for others.
Don’t give up, ever. Keep learning from those relapses and keep searching for answers.
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How are you doing today, pal?
Not good. Messed up again
Ugh I’m sad to hear that. What happened?
Did you consider coming on here asking for help before picking up? Gotta interrupt that autopilot. I know it’s hard. But you gotta change up your strategy. You gotta do more.
You can do it. Are you sober now? Drinking? If so, stop it, pour it away, reset.
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Read through this thread again. You got some sound advice. Take it!
Set yourself up for not messing up again. Only YOU can do that. Nobody can do it for you.
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The support here is my main sobriety tool. It is unparalleled to anything else. Welcome to the forum and to day 2 of being sober 
Sorry to see that last part. I didn’t scroll all the way.
Maybe a meeting today or this evening instead of drinking?
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I have everything a man could want and throwing it all away. I don’t know why. I don’t want to be this way.
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I’m gonna take this advice and run with it. Thank you for caring
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Is there maybe a reason you feel you don’t deserve what you have?
Maybe you don’t. Maybe you’re an arsehole. But even the biggest arsehole can turn their life around and begin to deserve what they have. I meant it when I said there is hope for you, just like for everyone here.
We’ve all been the arsehole. Broken. Lost. Change is possible.
What keeps you from going to a meeting tonight? Nothing but you. Get yourself on your side man. You can do it!
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Day 3. I’m determined to get through this weekend sober!!!
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Make sure to check in here as often as you need buddy.
Intherooms.com for some online meetings if you feel weak. You can do it!
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Keep it up man, I hit rock bottom before I could stop, and it wasn’t pretty, but after a while of being sober, it feels amazing in and of itself. A fully sobered mind is quite the treasure
You got this. And, if you need advice or support or help, we are here. We’re here for each other and ourselves.
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