4 days after putting 1 of our dogs down I feel kinda ok like I’m healing but my husband is not there at all and it’s like he pulls me back into his sadness which is much deeper than my own. I want to drink to be numb. I’ve never dealt with a loss of a person or animal sober and with another person. It is much harder to heal both of our hearts. I’m trying to remain strong for both myself, as I know drinking won’t help in the long, and for the hubs because he mental status seems so fragile. I just want to drink because I don’t want to feel
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Feeling those feelings and learning how to cope with them is a good thing. I know how sad it is to lose pets, just stay sober… go on runs… give hubby a little more time to process. I wish you the best
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I don’t even want to run or anything. I know everyone grieves at different paces and I’m not trying to rush him. Sadness is a hard feeling.
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I’m sure you don’t want to but i bet if you did you would feel better. We’re here for you
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Yup, that sounds legit, Jen. It’s the alcoholism that makes us want to numb out, not the situation. And it’s the sobriety that compels us and strengthens us to sit with the feeling and acknowledge it.
I had to learn that it’s okay to mourn, it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to hurt and not know how to fix it.
I was 18 months sober when my bestest buddy, who we had raised from 8 weeks old, finally succumbed to heart failure at age 15. He died at home, in the front yard. I helped him out the door that last time and saw that he was comfortable lying in the lawn. I went back into the house and came out about 10 minutes later and he had passed. I was really puzzled - he had been alive just minutes before and now he was gone. I believe in the conservation of matter and energy, so where did that energy called “alive” go? I looked to the tree-line on the back of the property and saw a lightening, or a soft glow, in the sky there. And I knew he had merely transformed, had returned to the Source.
From that moment, I have had a working knowledge about and relationship with a higher power.
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Oh Jenn. 
What don’t you want to feel? What’s so heavy on you now?
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It almost feels as if it was natural I wouldn’t feel as sad. Shady was always a more aggressive dog and we have had him and fox separated for almost 6 years because every play would turn to a fight. Because shady was becoming more aggressive towards us is why we, or I put him down. I’m starting to feel like an executioner. My husband stated he feels as I pushed his hand but I don’t believe our dogs should run our life and they have. for 6 years I’ve worried about which dog is in which room.
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Guilt I suppose and my heart hurts so there’s that
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With great respect to your husband, he is being unfair to you here. He could have intervened, he could have worked to find support for Shady, he could have put Shady up for adoption, he could have at least spoken with you about it proactively and found a way that Shady could get his needs met (whatever those were) without the suffocation of your marriage and home environment.
You say you feel guilty. That’s a hard feeling. May I ask why? Guilty of what?
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That I put our dog down. That I gave up on him
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Yeah I wouldn’t drunk through that.
I drank after the death of my best mate, I regret that, it’s one of my biggest life regrets.
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My fear was exactly what happened to you. I’m so sorry for that. How hard it must have been to do this three times.
I wanted to be there. I want to be strong to do that for all of my dogs. I want them to be comfortable and until today I was confident in the decision and with what I did but now I’m wondering if I choose the wrong path.
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That is such a hard thing to do. It seems that you didn’t give up though, seems that you tried for a very long time.
I’m sure your husband is hurting, it isn’t fair for him to blame you though.
Sending virtual hugs.
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Oh Jenn. This is so hard.
Sometimes there are several paths and all are hard. I don’t know if there was a way to do this that would have been easy.
I think Jenna 
shares a wise story. I wish I had something similar I could share; I don’t. All I know is that sometimes every path is hard and you just have to make a choice.
I hear you. I hear you feeling you gave up on him. It’s understandable to feel guilty about that.
(Edit: it is also true that you did not give up on having a healthy home environment where everybody is safe. You didn’t have that before, and now you do.)
You have permission to do anything safe and legal to stay sober here. You’re allowed to feel guilty. It’s a shame you aren’t finding emotional support with that in your home now, but you were wise to reach out here. You’re not alone. You’re not alone Jenn. Take care sister 
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I’m thankful for your courage to reach out, share, and connect. you’ve made my life richer
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Today makes 1 year since I put Shady down. My heart is heavy today with sadness and still guilt. I still doubt that my decision was the best one. While this past year has been a lot less stressful in the way of animals I still beat myself up about this. I feel like I took Shady’s time. I mean I did. I don’t know if I can ever come to terms with this decision. I know time doesn’t go backwards so no changing it. I just wish I could be ok with it. I don’t want to drink just in my feels today
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I just came over your thread.
First, I send you big hugs 
I know how painful it is to put down a pet.
Reading the old posts, they reminded me on my then best friend’s dog. We had to put him down because he became more aggressive over time and it turned out to be dangerous for her little son, 3 years old back then. Turned out at last the dog had a cerebral tumor which grew over the years and made him aggressive.
I know it doesn’t give solace, but when there are safety issues, a decision has to be made. Keep in mind that the pet also suffers because every pet feels the discomfort their behaviour is creating in the long term.
Your dogo had a good life, although it was complicated. That’s good karma. Please don’t upset youself with guilt. Shady is in a good place and you loved her/him. That’s all that counts 
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Yes I think this is what’s eating me. I just can’t let go of the guilty feeling.
Thank you for reaching out 
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Please feel free to reach out PM. I’m there for you, I know the feeling. It’s about let go and responsibility, about love and what-ifs. You are a warm-hearted, responsible, loving and caring person. Yes, we deal with guilt, that’s part of this kind of decisions. Please feel respected and huged.
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