Fwiw, these are my favorite jokes.
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What’s the difference between a squirrel and a piano?
Both climb onto a tree except the piano.
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Welcome, Kal! DUI can be a scary experience, a wake up call, a life changer. Or just the cost of doing business. It was all of those for me, at one time or another. My last drink was the day of my last arrest, DUI of course.
Hang out here to get ideas, to get through the day. Whatever it takes, don’t drink before bedtime tonight. Just today and tonight, the rest will take care of itself.
I understand how the early days can be frustrating. But this section is called Just For Fun. When I’m not feeling like I want to listen to others having fun, I just avoid this section. Let TS be of a benefit not a detriment. Sending you strength to get through your time of need 
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A cop clocks a car going by and pulls him over. Walks up to the car, “License and registration, please.” The man obliges.
Cops asks, “Do you know how fast you were going back there, Mr. Heisenberg?”
To which Heisenberg replies, “Not sure, but I know where I was.” 
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If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try skydiving.
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Dude! Most excellent! 
@SoberGuyUSA I ain’t worry about that at all, with my condition of vomit and shit all the times. It is easy to keep the "social distance
What animal can jump higher than a house?
They all can, houses can’t jump 
.
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That got me haha, i was curious to see what animal it was haha
A guy’s driving to work and rear-ends the car in front. The car door opens and a midget gets out and walks up to the guy. The midget yells “I’M NOT HAPPY!!”. So the guy says “Which one are you then??” 
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Hahah thatd a good one
Sex in a lift…it’s wrong on so many levels!!
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I actually have an American joke… and it’s quite cute (and not especially rude), but I hesitate for fear of offending any US people on the site…
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Feel free to pm it to me 
How do I do that, exactly ?
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Click on my profile picture and then the blue message button
Right, got it… here it (actually “they”) come(s)
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Sean Connery walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”
“No,” he replies, “Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”
Bond explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”
The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”
“Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.”
The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I’m wearing panties!”
Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, “Bloody thing’s an hour fast.”
Legend. RIP
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Paddy n Mick walking down the Street,
Paddy picks up a mirror and says ”Jesus I know him” Mick says “let me see! - That’s me you daft git”
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