brilliant!
What Will one midget never say to another midget …?
WHATS UP
what does one midget say to another midget after not seeing him for years…?
My my how much you’ve grown
And finally… why did the spirit cross the road…?
To get to the other side ofcourse
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I got these from popsicle sticks:
What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue
What animal should you never play cards with?
A cheetah
And I got this one from children:
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poke her face
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What does a broom do when it’s tired?
Goes to sweep!
Courtesy of this excellent site 
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When is it okay to punch a midget in the face?
.
.
.
.
When he tells you that your girlfriends hair smells nice
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The story is told of a famous physician who telephone AA in a moment of alcoholic despair. The AA member who was sent to make the call found the intoxicated doctor in pitiable but belligerent state. “What kind of work do you do?” he slurred. “I’m a house painter,” answer the visitor. “I can’t believe they sent a workingman!” the doctor shouted. “Don’t you know the difference between you and me?” “Yes,” the AA member replied, “You’re a drunk doctor, and I’m a sober painter.”
So this is actually a true story that happened in my small town a while ago
Randy was driving home when he saw a sign saying ‘AA meeting BBQ all welcome’
Randy misread the sign and thought it said BYO (bring your own alcohol)
He thought AA was for people to have a cheeky beer and talk about their problems.
He drove to the pub got a carton and rolled up. You could imaging the horror that came next.
Many years ago i had a 2 year old tell me this one, so.if you can picture a little toddler saying it all the better.
Why did the dog sit in the shade?
He didnt wanna be a hot dog!
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Im dead 
Im from the US and i say lets here it!
What starts with f and ends with uck?
Fire truck! 
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead.
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