I’m never gonna get clean. I want to so much though. I’m just gonna die from my addiction. Not because I want to but because I dont have the willpower to go without booze for more than a week. I hate myself so much right now.
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There is a difference between wanting to and deciding to be sober. I wanted to for over ten years but I never took it seriously.
When you decide to get sober, you need to make changes, you need to make sacrifices, and you need to commit to yourself. You will need to end some destructive relationships, change destructive behavior and habits. Its not easy, but it’s worth it. A lot of people find it easier with meetings, maybe give that a try.
Good luck.
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I don’t have the will power either. My will power will get me drunk and high everytime. What I have is a program of recovery in the 12 steps and a higher power. That will keep me sober.
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I felt like this for a long time too. Hit six months sober today. Maybe this would help?
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I could not get sober until I believed I deserved it on some level. As Tony Robbins says, if you keep asking the same self defeating questions, you’ll keep getting the same answers. Ask ‘why can’t I ______?” and your brain will give you all the reasons why you can’t. Ask a better question, get a better answer. If you believe you’re hopeless you’ll do things to keep that true. If you say “I’ll never get better” then you never will that is true.
If you ask “how can I get better?” Or “where can I find some help?” Then your mind will start on a new path, a daily walk to a new way of life. There’s wanting, then there’s willing. What are you willing to do for the unique, magical being that is you?
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You are not a failure, you are addicted to alcohol.
What steps have you taken before to deal with your addiction? If you want things to change, what could you try differently this time?
I don’t know if you’ve seen this thread but even if you have it is worth a read again now:
There’s lots of support and advice here, I hope you find something that you can relate to that helps get you past that first week and beyond.
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Hi! I feel weird giving u any advise, but I think we are at least doing the right things by being here. ONE WEEK is ONE week I just got off a 2 year everyday drinking binge. A total of 10 years of my life drunk. Everyday drinker. Give urself Credit for the little victories. we deserve it
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What are you willing to do to make this not happen? How far are you willing to go?
Unfortunately lots of people die from addiction every single day. The good news is there is still HOPE for you. I agree with @anon37742172 on the name change.
For me to get sober I had to jump into the deep end of the pool, there was no putting a toe in to test the water. I surrounded myself with people who were sober and knew my plight first hand, that was the rooms of AA. I went to IOP, and the counselor in that room changed my life because I was willing to do anything, hear everything he said and absorb it like a sponge.
I too was in a pit of despair, doomed to drink myself to death, or kill others in the process. I was filled with self loathing, I had zero respect for myself or the world around me. 272 days later and life has never been better.
You can get sober, you can live again. Don’t give up on yourself. Dive in headfirst. Find a program, talk sobriety with others who are trying to stop the madness of addiction too.
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Sorry for you to feel that way. Find some help, you can change your situation. Go see a docter, AA ore smart group and start changing. You don’t have to do it all by yourself!
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I heard at a share last night that it’s not about willpower. There is no way I could stay clean and sober, I tried so many times.
I had to surrender to something greater than myself to help me keep oft the drugs and booze.
That for me is the pinnacle thing, surrendering.
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I agree with the others that have replied to you already. But I also know being mentally unwell and having thoughts inappropriately swayed by emotion (if that is what your current situation is).
So I know from those experiences that some of these replies will be hard to read and you might not feel understood in the full depth of your feelings.
But here’s a big thing. Your emotions cannot kill you. You can experience emotional hell and come through the other side. I lived my life so long not believing this and it cost me so much. You have obviously been through great pain. Know what that also means though? You’ve SURVIVED great pain. You’re strong enough for that, and more.
This probably sounds like an odd suggestion, I know I originally would have rejected it. But repeat to yourself on a regular basis, “I CAN and WILL get clean.” Under your breath, out loud, or in your head. Choose even just one thing you will do that prevents you from drinking and make that one thing a regular habit. You don’t have to fix your whole self in one night. You just have to aim to do better than you did the day before. If you slip up, you slip up. It happens. But if you just focus on trying to do better each day instead of solving it all, I think you’ll find out a lot more manageable.
Just breathe. Take it one step at a time. And if the step is too much, call someone, anyone, come here and post, just reach out. Involving community helps SO MUCH.
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@hopeless, you are here, so you know there is an issue. That is the first step. It took me com0letely changing my lifestyle to finally quit. I tried just quitting alcohol, never worked. I had to change my life. Books, this place, meetings, therapists…one of those, maybe all might need to be used.
Fight hard every day, you are worth being sober.
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If you really want to get clean, you can and will. You’ve got it in you to make that happen. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.
You don’t want to die from your addiction, that’s clear here. And you feel powerless. But notice this! “more than a week”? That’s a significant important amount of time and you should be celebrating yourself for that. Not to mention that 1 week gets you past the acute withdrawal stage, the hardest part. Just think! You can do the hardest part! You can do the rest by applying the same desire to be sober that you apply everywhere else!
Maybe you regret some aspects of yourself, but I don’t think you truly hate yourself. A fully hateful person would want to destroy someone else and see them suffer. You are caring for yourself by seeking help and advice and intending to apply that to give yourself a better life. Honestly, I think it’s strong and self loving and courageous of you to come here and share and try to find the way forward.
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Just <3<3<3 you are loved by many and never ever ever give up! You deserve a better life and it’s within your reach! Just tell the negativity to f*** off. I have my fair share of it, it’s a chore to keep maintaining a positive perspective, but positivity has such huge rewards!
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Rise up…its a new day…you can do this
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I wish I was able to quit, the first time I tried. Heck, I wish I was one of those “normal” people who can have a drink or two, or not drink, as it suits them.
But I am not one of those people. I couldn’t have just one, every time I wanted “just one”.
I couldn’t quit the first time I wanted to quit “forever”. I wasn’t yet ready for “forever”. I was still struggling with accepting “never again”.
But one thing I was committed to getting better. I had decided that I wanted to be better. A better husband and father. A better friend. A better employee. A better disciple.
I realized that the one thing holding me back from “better” was drinking. Then all the pins and tumblers in that lock clicked into place. The cell door was unlocked now, and all that I had to do was walk through it, and keep walking.
I did.
You can too.
Just keep picking at that lock. Keep trying to quit. With each set-back, turn frustration into determination. Listen for the “click”, snatch open that door, and get to walking.
Keep getting better at getting better each and every day.
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You Will never get clean unless you stop drinking. You stop for a week at a time, so you are capable of stopping. This is a good start but just increase target period to 2 weeks and after 12 days to 21days. Somehow it does not seem as final when you don’t it like that and mentally becomes easier
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This thread; this is what I needed to read today. Thank you all for sharing. 
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And @hopeless , do know that we are all here for you! I have this feeling each time I relapse as well, and I wondered how I could ever change given the number of times I have relapse; countless times going back.
And then I realized that I am focusing on the wrong thing. I was focused on the relapse and not the recovery, and I was listening to the negative feelings and influences in my life rather than the happy and positive ones I wanted.
It took me a long time (I still sometimes struggle with It, even), but the more that I have listened to positive feelings and looked for changes I could make today that helped me improve more than the day before, things started to get better. It is a “take-it-one-day-at-a-time” sort of thing for me. My personal recommendation is to find one thing each day that you can improve on, and see what happens as you make things changes in your life. It wasn’t easy, but it is worth it each and every time!
And thanks for your post; I needed it today.
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I feel like such a loser. A failure. At every thing I do. I feel this is the reason I do what I do.
@Swim_Track_18 brings up an important point. No matter how many times you slip up or fail, none of that changes the fact that ALL of your sober days were successes. It doesn’t matter whether or not a failure happened the next day, you still won that previous day. Victories don’t need to be consecutive to count as victories. @hopeless don’t discount the strength and victories you have shown. You can do this if you can put your full effort in, don’t let any one person or thought defeat you before you start. <3
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