Ive personally never had a problem admitting it even to folks who have barely progressed beyond acquaintance, let alone to myself. Ive been an alcoholic for nearly 5 years. Once it was clear it had entrenched itself in my life like a parasite, i dont see how it could be denied or argued. In the very beginning, early 2018, when i suddenly started drinking consecutive days in a row i had people around me getting concerned and it just annoyed me. Its legal, im an adult, im not hurting anyone. Whats the problem? Took about 5 or 6 months if i recall correctly to admit the issue. But i didnt mind. Its just a fact. If you depend on it even just psychologically, if you cant just leave it and have it not trouble your mind, id say its alcoholism. Minor at that stage, but in my mind it still classifies. In my view, its characterized by the compulsive nature of the use and thinking of it. Ive never personally understood all the denial so many people put themselves through. Is it really just the stigma theyre afraid of? How can someone deny alcoholism when theyre drinking to excess every single day? Its hard to reconcile my indifference to the title with the profound self deception so many people go through. Im not judging, i just cant wrap my head around it. Its like calling the sky brown.
I will say drinking hasnt caused the same level of disruptive problems to my life as it has to many. Ive never been on the verge of losing my family, my job, or any pillar of my life due to my drinking. Its only ever been my health getting assaulted day after day. Maybe ive pushed a few friends away by being too intense all the time due to being intoxicated constantly. But on the whole my drinking caused few serious issues. Perhaps if i had a marriage at stake, or my job was at risk, id be more liable to pretend it wasnt the alcohol, that i didnt have a problem. As it stands ive been alone and alcohol was a pacifier for so many emotional grievances and loneliness. The label was a small price to pay for a daily release. shrug /rant
For me, i knew i was an alcoholic but didnt want to label it because then i would have to address it. Ive since adknowledged it and am making positive strides in sobriety. But acceptance is only the first step
You pick your bottom. Dont compare bottoms with others.
I didnt even know we were talking about bottoms lol. Just the label/identification. Like i said, no judgement. Just genuinely curious about how it comes to be that way for others. I guess for me i never intended to deal with it regardless of whether i admitted it or not, so that explains some of it. Sorry if i came off some type of way, wasnt my intention.
Ive been asked by 3 people now to lead my tuesday night step meeting. Im a little nervous that i wouldnt have enough content to be the first share and encourage others to share. Insert feelings of not good enough.
Finally connected with my sponsor and she got me excited about it…but the nerves…
Pros:
Service
Growth
A voice
Leadership experience
Gain confidence
Gain self esteem
Im already going to be there
Guaranteed chair at the table (room packs up)
Experience
Cons:
Nerves
Fear of committment
Fears of not having a flavorful and thought provoking approach
May mispeak
Well fuck…i think i better do it just by looking at the pros and cons
Sooo half writing this to chronical my first sober christmas in two decades and also open to comments
I just got done spending 4 hours at my folks and i didnt want the family get together to end…back in the drinking days i would be there an hour and itching to get back to the sofa at home to guzzle alcohol by myself. This year was plesently different. I laughed lots! I still dont think my family is used to me being so joyful…sober.
Boscoe loves going to grandmas. I had a good hour with my mom to myself. She outdid herself and did a ham and a turkey breast with lots of extras. Then my cousin and his wife came over. He just got out of the hospital after a stroke and a new stage 3 cancer diagnosis which doesnt have a cure. His speech isnt where it was before and i could tell he was getting frustrated when he couldnt find the words. Im greatful hes still around and fighting. Im greatful he reminded me how fragile life can be. Then the circus came over… my brother, his wife, and their 4 kids. My sister, her husband, and their 3 kids. My family is so fucking loud and ridiculous and breaks out in song and i fucking love it.
Holy shit i feel old. I was talking to my BIL and said that something “was all the rage these days”… after thise words left my mouth my head dropped. Lol i feel soooo old
My niece wanted me to play playdough with her…that woulda never happened in the before days…booze was #1. I was present not worried about the next sip. I laughed lots. I had a great time. Then everyone left and i had a few moments with my mom and dad alone. Im so greatful for these moments because i know theyre getting older and tomorrow isnt guaranteed. Im just so very greatful.
Hubby worked a double tonight hoping to make extra cash. Greatful he has the next two days off. So now here i am curled up on the couch with Boscoe and its quiet. In the before days id be chugging drink after drink. Idk how i feel. A little uneasy. Hubby will get home in an hour. I dont want to drink but i have an uneasiness about being alone. Makes me wonder…
This is a new experience. Im making my way through it with my sober toddler legs. Imma hit a meeting in the morning…
If you would have told me apr 30th that id be sober this christmas i would have laughed and sadly wouldnt think it possible. One day, one holiday, let alone months straight sober. Im so fucking greatful for this new lease on life ive been given. So beyond greatful
I wish I could this post a thousand times. Now that’s what happy, joyous and free is all about. Glad to hear you had a great time. Merry Christmas to you, Hubby and Boscoe.
Sad to hear about your cousin but happy to hear you’re finding value in the time you have with him. Life is too short.
Aww thanks @Lisa07 for the like and comment. Its still weird going thru firsts sober but damnit im in it. I dont remember ever being so happy joyous and free thanks to aa and this community we have here. Merry christmas to you!!
Hey @medicait forever is too huge and definite. I focus on one day at a time. Its more manageable and less of a commitment. Truly works. Thats why they made “one day at a time a slogan”
Merry sober Christmas @Cjp! It was my first Christmas sober too. I had a moment of temptation but all in all I agree that sobriety is all the rage. I’m old too. Merry Christmas to you and yours.
Im currently feeling happy, joyous, free, hopeful, and greatful. I worked thru my 11th and 12th step with my sponsor tonight. I feel transformed from who i was 8 months ago. I feel like ive been reborn and have a world of possibilities one day at a time. Im cautiously optimistic. I was contemplating was a spiritual awakening looks like earlier. For me its been a series of revelations and i believe i am a work in progress but today i am a greatful recovering alcoholic. Nothing is promised. Just sooooo fucking greatful for the past couple of months of growth which started when i acknowledged i am an alcoholic and needed help. Im not lonely all the time. Im not pessimistic. Im not sleeping all day. Im not full of jealousy and resentments.
Can’t love this post enough. My “spiritual awakenings” were similar. The Promises have absolutely revealed themselves to me. Appreciate your contributions to this community.
You are The only one who can answer that question read doctors opinion in the big book and reflect on its(alcohol) affect on ur interpersonal life the decision has to be wholly made by u Godspeed and best of fortunes to you and ur hubby
this post a thousand times. Now that’s what happy, joyous and free is all about. Glad to hear you had a great time. Merry Christmas to you, Hubby and Boscoe.
I’m old too. Merry Christmas to you and yours. 
