This week ive been in a depressed state. Dont get me wrong, its no where as bad as when i was drinking. But uncharted territory for me sober. I didnt have suicidal ideation which is refreshing. Just crying. Unsettled. Uncomfortable in my skin. Not keeping commitments. Just negative. I find comfort in that everything is temporary even these moods.
Thursday i went to my first concert sober (Boys 2 men) and i wasnt tempted to drink. I was happy i wasnt missing the show chasing that next drink. Probably saved $60. Bought a tshirt instead. In bed by 11pm. I didnt have to stay up feeding that insatiable need to drink more and more.
Today i am free. Bad days are temporary and i wont let that dictate today.
Trying new things in sobriety is the spice of life. Today i made a new nonalcoholic drink. Tried to bake a new recipe. And went to a guided online meditation. Sometimes the fear of commitment prevents me from starting something. In my mind my knee jerk reaction is all or nothing or its not good enough. But by experiencing new things im learning and having fun. I tried a new online meditation and felt the energy within me. My thoughts quieted for a little bit. I dont have to dedicate hours to meditation and prayer to be committed. Even a 5min practice has benefits. Life isnt just black and white. My lived experience doesnt have to be either. Progress not perfection my friends.
@Cjp I’ve absolutely loved reading this thread from start to finish all in one sitting just now. I’m over 2 years sober but I had my first drinking dream last night and it definitely unsettled me. I woke up, came on here and this thread caught my eye. Thank you for this because I saw a lot of me in this thread and it has reaffirmed how grateful I am to still be sober. Keep doing what you’re doing , you’re an inspiration
Thank you so much @adeygaga49 i wanted to chronicle my time and look back at my progress. Thanks for reading and calling it inspiring. That touches my heart!
Checking in on a sober friday night…coming up on 9 months of sobriety next wednesday. I hope i dont get milestone malady.
Ive been eating healthier and moving more. People have noticed.
Someone here recently asked “who am i” and i was asking that same question when i started this journey last may. As of today i know i am a thoughtful, positive, caring individual who craves connection and an introvert at the same time. Im still exploring who i am in sobriety but im fuckin loving it.
Sobriety has given me so much. Granted i work it everyday, keep up on here, and hit atleast 3 AA meetings a week. I am a better more whole person than i was last april. I have energy and joy and hope. Im working on keeping my commitments even working thru my anxiety.
So…ive been tracking my moods on this app and i’ll get maybe 3 depressed days a month followed by a few days of mania. Im current feeling mania. Lots of energy, a strong sense of urgency, lots of talking and sharing, lots of anxiety. I will get thru it.
A funny thing happened earlier. I looked up at my hubby and said " i think my period affects my moods" lol his face was priceless…kinda like no shit but im not gonna say something here. I laughed. Its a new realization since getting sober because while i was drinking nearly every day i was just in depression or neutral.
Being sober is like living in technicolor. I still feel like a toddler learning how do do things for the first time sober. Im enjoying the growth and evolution the past 9 months.
It was an absolute realization that my monthly hormone fluctuations affect my moods. I started tracking my cycle with an app and two days before I start I am weepy and crazy feeling, the day before I am a slim goddess who is in love with the world and ready to take on anything. Before I just thought I was seriously unbalanced. Now when I feel out of control I check the app and it is usually calming for me. At least I have a reason for feeling so all over the place.
Welcome to TS CJ.
I didn’t know this was your thread.
Look at you around 9 months sober now.
Have you answered your question here?
I finally came to terms with admitting I’m an alcoholic after quite a few months of being sober. After I admitted on the forum for the first time I’m an alcoholic @Jennajen responds with. “Eric. You’re so much more than an alcoholic.” And I’m like damn She’s right. Well, I want to say the same to you. You are so much more than an alcoholic too. You’re pretty freaking awesome. And I love following your journey.
All I know is, I’m sober. Im totally alcohol free now. And I cannot have just one drink. Especially that first one. Never could. Never did.
I don’t know why I’ve never clicked on this thread. I’ve seen it around hundreds of times. But I love reading your post here and seeing how far you’ve come. Im honored to be part of your journey. And Boscoe
Keep coming back. You’re totally worth it.
Sobriety isnt a boring thing at all. Like i said its like living in technocolor and if I keep putting in the work and committing one day at a time i get to keep this amazing grace.
@Megan3 glad you are here and checkin out the thread
This right here I’ve gotten passed the admission that i am an alcoholic and have progressed to a greatful, recovering alcoholic. Without those hard lessons i wouldnt have the joys and freedoms i have today.
9 months sober today woot woot. Sober baby achieved. When i started this journey i was counting half days. Now im counting months! So much has changed. Ive covered all the awesome changes above but milestone time is a time to reflect.
Im happy joyous and free. Ive made good friends and support here and in AA. My relationships are well improved, hubby, parents, boscoe. I swear my dog is happier now hubby and i arent drinking and fighting all the time. I allowed myself to focus on just not drinking for 8 months and getting through the steps. Here i am starting to take care of my health. I put on 100lbs from drinking and not moving. My goal is to lose 50lbs in 12 months. Fuck i was able to find stable footing in sobriety in 9 months. (Cautiously optimistic and will take it one day at a time) but whats stopping me from eating healthier and losing some weight? Ive kept to counting calories for 1 month so far. I have hope.
My new motto is…
Stay sober. Lose weight. Be healthy.
So…im getting my 9 month chip from my sponsor tomorrow and they always ask “howd you do it?”
My answer…desperation, AA, TS, checking in, holding myself accountable, dedication and seeing the promises of AA coming true.
Im nowhere near where i was 9 months ago but i could easily get back there if i dont say no to that first drink.
Im enjoying the progress of learning myself and my beliefs
Congratulations to you and your husband! And Boscoe! I am so happy for all of you. I have followed you every day since you started and proud of you for each drink that you didn’t take and for each challenge that you had that you got through without drinking.
One day at a time you have changed your life.
The two of you together definitely have changed your life and it’s cute and sweet that Boscoe is a happier puppy. That’s amazing for you and for Eric .
Feel your power, feel empowered, and be so very very proud of yourself. You are the one who has made this happen for yourself. You are the one who is not taking that drink and put it up to your lips and drink it. You have had the will power and yes lots of support that has helped you.
I don’t comment to you that much on the checking in thread but just know that I see your post and I am so very, very proud of you. Always here for you for support.
I know that you can do most anything you want to do. It puts tears in my eyes, I’m just really happy for you. Big hugs and lots of love.
Also I saw baby Bosco’s picture. So cute. Teensy.
Please also extend the congrats to your husband.
She’s right. Well, I want to say the same to you. You are so much more than an alcoholic too. You’re pretty freaking awesome. And I love following your journey.
I’ve gotten passed the admission that i am an alcoholic and have progressed to a greatful, recovering alcoholic. Without those hard lessons i wouldnt have the joys and freedoms i have today.
