I was encouraged yesterday by someones share at Dharma Recovery to identify my core values. So of course i google a list of core values to help me name whats important to me.
My core values include:
Kindness
Determination
Responsibility
Curiosity
Openness
Knowledge
Gratitude
Positivity
Timeliness
Security
Loyalty
Humility
Fun
Independence
When my actions dont align with these values im unhappy and discontent. This exercise helps me identify what i should focus on.
Day 324 sober. Close enough to 11 months i can taste it. Usually im a very positive patient person but the last two days ive felt “off”. Easily annoyed. Short tempered. Uninterested. I wish i could pinpoint an external factor but i think this is just my mind. I pray im not on my way down to a depressed mood. Still a 5 outta 10 day is better than 50%.
Holding out hope that i will find comfort in my aa mtg tonight. And tomorrow will be a better day. We cant be on top of the world all the time…
Checking in greatful.
My mood was shit mon-wed. Im tracking these blue days to see if theres a trend. Gotta stay on top of my mental health.
Today was a beautiful spring day and i made the most of it! Bought a new king size mattress for the first time in my life. Im excited. It comes in 3 weeks. Went to lunch with the hubby. Got my rings cleaned. Took Boscoe for a walk. Made a healthy dinner. Did a big book study with my sponsor. Caught up here and now chillin. Tomorrow im gonna be lazy.
Im nervous about my weekly weighin tmrw morning. Hoping i made good progress. Still need to increase my exercise…easier said than done. Its a complete mental game.
Thinking whether i will go to the family reunion this year. Its always been a boozefest for me since i was a teen. Like 50 family members drinking all day and night. It used to be my happy place. Maybe it still can be…last year i just had 3 months of sobriety and decided the temptation was too big. Now with the help of aa i dont think id drink but it may be trying to be around drunkards for a week. I went to a wedding sober and did fine for a few hours but then broke down in tears. It was a win but it didnt feel like it because i was mentally exhausted. Ive avoided parties up until now but i cant avoid parties forever. Plus i might have fun.
Idk maybe after a year i should try it. We go swimming and boating and campfires and catch up. I could do online aa. Take nature walks. Idk. Need to think about it more.
You’ll have to have escape plans in place.
What you can say to yourself. Who you could call or text.
If you think that their drinking might tempt you to drink it’s something to really think seriously about …. how long you would go how long you would be with them.
If there’s anything you are romanticizing or fantasizing about you drinking then you need to very carefully consider what you’re doing.
On the other hand if when you have been around drinkers it seems pretty disgusting to you, that’s something for you to take into consideration.
You’ve done a great job so far and I expect that you’ll make a good decision on this. And that you’ll make the right decision.
You can have that list of core values with you too.
I quit drinking when l was 27 because I was finished and no longer wanted to drink. I was always around drinkers and it was never a problem for me personally. I personally didn’t want to drink. My tolerance for being around drinkers was always fine, it’s just the way it was, how “they” are.
Now after many many years my tolerance being around drinkers is pretty poor. Esp if they’re getting super wasted.
If you’re feeling really strong in your sobriety go have a good time. If you get irritated or turned off by the drinking then go be alone for awhile and catch them in the morning… you hang over free and feeling good.
Thanks for your support @Alisa . The reunion is a week long 9hrs north of where i live. I guess i could just go a couple of days…
I like what Alisa suggested and agree, my tolerance for ‘the party’ is limited to a few hours at a time these days. The same story told again and again and again…not so fun.
Can you plan for 2 or 3 nights with an exit plan in place if that is too much? Maybe with an extension plan as well in case you find a sober groove with taking forest walks on your own and other fun activities like the boating and such ? I know I like just being somewhere other than home sometimes…especially if it involves someone else doing the dishes or laundry or camping and a different type of dishes and chores. 
Obviously you need to find what works for you and your comfort level. And no shame in changing plans mid visit. We were at my parents recently (7 hours drive) with a plan to stay for 4 nights and ended up just staying 2. 
Checking in greatful.
Tonight I facilitated my last step meeting (this time round). Out of 13 weeks i only missed one meeting because i wasnt feeling well. Im proud i showed up. At times i was nervous about leading a mreting with many people with alot more time than me but i was humbled tonight by people thanking me. There were lots of good shares. I enjoy this meeting. I seriously thought, what can i get by reading thru the twelve steps again but then an ol timer agreed to lead the next series and i always love his shares so imma keep going.
Im sooooo greatful AA and the twelve steps found me in my desperation. Its a blessing.
In yesterday’s ladies AA mtg i was inspired by the 12 step promises topic and others shares to try to elaborate how the promises have and are coming true in my life.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
The Twelve Promises
1.We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
…Cravings dont consume me. They rarely come and when they do i see it as an opportunity to identify if im physically or emotionally missing something H.A.L.T.
… Average day is 8/10
… Positive mindset
… Really feel joy and hope for the first time as an adult
2.We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
… I have a horrible memory in the first place.
… Sometimes i get flashbacks and shame but then realize thats not who i am anymore…living amends
… Firm believer in everything happens for a reason
… Share my story to relate with other alcoholics
3.We will comprehend the word serenity.
se·ren·i·ty
/səˈrenədē/
noun
the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.
“an oasis of serenity amidst the bustling city”
…A wise woman shared with me that you dont have to have serenity 100% of the time…it comes more frequently when you are putting in the work in your recovery
… Not needing the tv on 24/7 to distract me from my thoughts
… Less anxiety, atleast more manageable
4.We will know peace.
peace
/pēs/
noun
1.
freedom from disturbance; tranquility.
“you can while away an hour or two in peace and seclusion”
Similar:
tranquility
calm
calmness
… Enjoy silence
… Nature fuels my soul
5.No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
… Sharing in mtgs
… Being open about my mental health
6.That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
… Taking action in recovery
… Taking action in a healthier lifestyle
… Gaining self worth and community
7.We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
… Service work
… Welcome wagon
… Listening at meetings
…Compassion
8.Self-seeking will slip away.
… No longer for recognition or career growth, content with current growth
… A better partner…do more chores
9.Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change.
as long as i dont pick up its a great day…accomplishment everyday
… Given me more perspective
… Full of gratitude
10.Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.
… Found my tribe…just had to become an alcoholic and obstain to find true friends
… Not chasing more and more money…thats not my goal
… Less social anxiety
11.We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
… The pause
… Take time to get perspective
… Working on trusting my intuition…
Work in progress…
12.We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
… God winks
… Chills at aa mtgs reinforce im where im supposed to be
Work in progress…
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Nice work CJ. 
I’m glad I stopped by to give this a read.
Good stuff here.
P.A.U.S.E.
Postpone Action Until Serenity Emerges
This is amazing. I almost cry when I read The Promises. They definitely have materialized in my life since getting sober.
So yesterday i was supposed to go to a 90minute meditation to revisit my intentions i set on new years day. Somehow i thought it started at 630 but it was six. Yes, i was bummed i made this mistake but i made the best of it. I went home and found my own guided meditation on intention and a bonus was boscoe slept on my stomach as i lay in the sitting room meditating. Puppy yoga!
I added to my intentions for this year. I started 2023 with the intentions of REMAINING SOBER and WEIGHT LOSS. I decided to add more spirituality to my list. And during my meditation i was inspired to search for a hatha yoga class. Turns out theres a class today at 11am. Im getting 2 sessions for what i woulda paid for this guided meditation!
Im greatful i didnt sit in my upsetness and made the most outta the situation. That shows progress.
I used to be a fit yogi. I would travel to conferences. I lost my practice when alcohol became more of a priority and i gained 100lbs. Im down about 60lbs from my heaviest but still feel out of shape.
Yoga just isnt for the fit. Im going to go to this hatha practice with an open mind. Im going to be compassionate with myself and patient with where im at physically. Youve got to start somewhere.
Progress rather than perfection
Today was a 10/10 day! Still a few hours left before i have to retire to the work week. Im greatful i dont dread going to work.
I feel like i had a break through this weekend. It started yesterday with my meditation and then inspiration to look for a hatha yoga class. I went to yoga this morning. I used to be a yogi who would travel to conferences then alcohol was my number one, i became sedentary, and gained alot of weight. Ive been scared to get back to it because im so out of shape and embarassed.
Well this morning i had a serious chat with myself to be patient and compassionate. I wore my sober warrior shirt and got lots of love its from ppl there. I wasnt able to do warrior 3 but i got ALOT out of the practice. Im so fucking thankful and greatful.
Then a quick lunch. Then met a sober sister for an hour walk with Boscoe. The sun was warm and the convo just flowed. Time flew by.
Quality time with the hubby. Healthy dinner listening to pandora and not watching tv like usual. Then we danced to etta james at last…our first dance. I cried happy tears.
10 outta 10 day. When i feel blue i hope i remember how fucking good i can feel. I feel fantastic and im sober. If you told me this would be my life 11 months ago i wouldnt believe you. I am so fucking greatful for progress and amazing days
Awe love im so happy to hear that!!! Glad you had an amazing sober 10/10 day.
Just read your 1st post on this thread and now your latest…wow! A true inspiration im glad youve stuck with it
Loved your entire day especially dancing to Etna (was my wake up song for December) …
Cheers - more 10/10 days ahead 
Yeah ive made leaps and loads of progress from day 1! Glad to have you on this journey @JazzyS
Thank you @Cjp … i feel blessed in getting to know friends like yourself in this new challenging chapter in my life 
Hows it going so far?
Its been difficult but im focusing on not relying on alcohol to deal with pain. Ive had some health issues for past 1+ year and i found that i started drinking more daily to not deal with the pain. Since i quit drinking pain isnt as frequent but days like today are hard - yet i didnt break 
I seriously thumbed thru these threads to stay distracted. 
i even pushed thru and gave the workout challenge a go.
Thanks for asking…all in all im good and thriving forward
Thats awesome to hear…well not the chronic pain piece 
You made it thru one more day!
Search chronic pain and you can find others who navigated it sober
