Interesting…I thought the same. Playing some reels in my head I cringe … SO many people had to have known. And when I’m at events, get togethers, etc. I observe the drinking crowd. Everyone is NOT wasted. I was in such denial. That was then, though, and this is now!
Checking in greatful on my 36th birthday…oh man. Ive had a wonderful special day. This is my second sober belly button birthday and i love how reborn i feel. Cjp 4.0
A wonderful day all around!
Quiet morning with my TS gratidudes and coffee
Wasnt feeling like working out but went anyways and made a great effort
A radio show was at the grocery store and i really wanted to spin the wheel and win a free tshirt. Won free tix to an amusement and water park 2hrs away and debated whether to take off and do it. Its perfect because i dont work monday am. We can drive out. Stay the night. Then drive back monday. Then @JazzyS says its a sign from the universe and im like fuck?! I gotta go. Whats the difference bw impulsive and spontaneous?! Who cares. Im young and spontaneous.
Hubby had the day off and went with me to the mall
Deals at victoria secret. Found deals on 2 shorts and a pair of jeans for $20. Hubby bought me a 30min massage and it was fantastic.
Got a free bday nothing bundt cake
Hung out with my folks for a few hours. They got me a hydroponic growing system and imma grow some herbs starting monday!!
Got calls and texts from loved ones. Feeling the love all day.
Plus im proud of myself. I dont have the shame and disgust i had for myself 2yrs ago. I have quality recovery. I quit vaping. Im working out and eating healthy. It definitely wasnt easy to get here but boy has putting in the work paid dividends in every avenue of my life.
I am so thankful for a wonderful day and celebrating sobriety one day at a time
Day 505 free from weed and alcohol, which seems like sooo long and impossible but i am fucking doing it
Day 48 no vaping which seems impossible because i was vaping every couple minutes all day long and couldnt see life without my comfort addiction
But here i am sober. Thought id update my thread to document my journey. Im struggling mental rn. My molind wont stop racing, im full of worry, anxiety x1000. I believ im having a manic episode which is going into its second week, which is odd. Typically im only manic maybe 3 days. This timre round its super intense and feels like it wont end. Im hoping for healing soon. After all everything is temporary.
I think this bout of hypomania was instigated by a major life event of getting a promotion and becoming a supervisor again, work stress x100, and getting sick last week. For awhile there i thought i was losing my mind and so confused but had an epiphany saturday…i think im cycling into hypomania. That realization gave me some comfort because i was truly scared! Ive dealt with mania before i can do it again. Its just this time it feels like its on a magnified level. I have to remind myself that people cant see me losing my shit mental so i can hold up perceptions if i try. I try to mask my crazy because well because.
Writing all this out is somewhat therapeutic. Ive been praying and wishing i can calmly get thru my day in my state of overwhelming racing thoughts mania. Deep breathes. This too shall pass.
You are doing fantastic with ALL your timers. I know how hard it was to give up vaping and then with your promotion and all the extra work pressure - it would be a lot for anyone. Also - new work out goals and regiments and getting over a nasty sinus infection. Your body / mind are going through some major changes.
Be gentle with yourself. You are doing absolutely everything right - eating healthy meals on time, sleeping well, working out, praying / meditating, speaking with your therapist on a fixed schedule, taking your medications…I feel like you have identified these feelings as a manic episode and are doing all you can to face them / deal with them. We are here for you to talk with.
in trying to mask yourself you may be adding more pressure. I do know that this too shall pass - just hoping that it passes soon for you.
Overwhelmed from the jump
Groggy but full of “she should” - perceived expectations
Take a breathe. Its not so serious. Those worries are in your head
Dont worry about others perceptions
Dont worry about work
Take this time to collect and comfort yourself sweet pea
Feel the wind blow on your skin. Hear it rustle in the trees.
Feel the sun warming your skin.
Nothing is so pressing right now.
Just breathe sweet child. Just breathe.
For responsibilities and deadlines will come and go but your health and wellbeing is important.
Breathe sweet child. Just breathe.
Constantly checking the clock, the calendar, the list of to dos
Trying to keep up with my own expectations
Fear i will forget
Fear i will drop the ball.
Fuck these racing thoughts.
Sensory overload. This experience is intensive. Sounds and feelings magnified with my inner dialogue trying to soothe self “breathe sweet child. One thing at a time.”
Worry and fear magnified.
This feeling and thoughts arent my usual. Something is off. is it mania?
Im so proud of myself. I took the next right indicated step by reaching out to my doctor about my mental health this morning. Ive been feeling off for about a week. It was getting unmanageable. It was fortunate that someone cancelled an appointment within 30min this morning. (I guess i must have concerned the assistant when i couldnt stop crying) plus the doctor is headed out on vacation and i caught her before she left!! She told me to call and update her tomorrow even though she has the day off.
Im greatful they took me serious. Im greatful i got help. Im greatful the meds are working and i dont feel as in crisis. Im greatful for my loving husband who happened to have the day off. Im greatful i can be 100% authentically myself with him. Im greatful i am not w eak even though i suffer from mental illness.
Oh love - i am so grateful for this too! the universe was ready to help you today with the opening in doctors office and your hubby being home. Grateful that you are feeling less in crisis now. You are far from weak! Much love to you and your path to healing.
So proud of you for taking care of yourself. That mental health crisis sounded very scary. Glad you were able to get an appointment right away. That’s your HP working in your life. Sending you hugs
Btw…Congrats on that promotion!!
CJP - I stumbled upon Annie Grace’s book “the alcohol experiment - 30 days to take control or completely give up alcohol”. I can honestly say that it changed something in my brain and I am now 5 days AF. Annie’s mantra is “without desire there is no temptation” and her book shows you that it is possible to not have a desire to drink. She also runs The Naked Mind and I have found it invaluable. Give it a read and see what happens😊