Am I an alcoholic? 20 years of it time to admit?

Closing in on 18 months of sobriety. To be honest…things have been better. Work stress is ruling my life. Im not getting to enough aa meetings. Im feeling disconnected from my higher power. All of these are warning signs. Then tonight the thought of i wish i could drink and tune out crossed my mind. Ggggrrrrr. It was just a thought but just having the thought scares the shit outta me. I dont want to lose my progress. I dont want to go backwards.

I feel like I need a new sponsor. Someone who i can rely on. Because talking to the hubby aint cutting it.

God grant me the serenity


Our addictions will always be in the background ready to pounce… its being diligent in our recovery that keeps us stacking on the days. I know you are determined to live an addiction free healthy life and all that you do daily shows your commitment. Grateful that you are seeing the signs and know to reinforce your connections to keep the addict voice hushed up.

I have faith in you and your strength. I think it is wise to have a sponsor outside the home. Your hubby is great and i’m thankful for your lovely open communication and support but sometimes you need an outsiders perspective and support when the urges get rough.

Much love to you my friend. I am so grateful to be here with you and can’t wait to celebrate 18 months!!! you are rocking it :muscle:


Thanks jaz. Its hard to find balance in life. In all things. But i think upping my recovery game is a good idea.

I love and appreciate you my friend


Sorry you’re struggling CJ.
Work stress is definitely something that can be detrimental to our sobriety. I am glad you are recognizing the warning signs. And it is scary catching yourself thinking about drinking.

I just got an Al-Anon sponsor myself. Still navigating it. Don’t want to bother him you know. And that’s what he’s there for. And I’m not bothering him. Anyway….

Have you mentioned this to him?

I do know people get new sponsors all the time.
Hopefully this too shall pass.
I wish I had some magic words or a few tricks to offer you at this point. Glad you shared it out here.
Maybe a little xtra meditation. A couple of short ones during the day. Even a 5 mi Ute one here and there.


Hugs @Cjp Glad you’re doing better with the meds, thinking and writing all of this … getting a perspective doing so and sharing the burden. Hope you will figure out how to get back in a good groove. So proud of you for all of it. You always have my support.
It seems like if hubby is your main support it would be helpful to have another official sponsor. . Hugs.


Hey CJ, I can relate so much to you right now. Work stress is getting me too lately and it’s difficult finding balance. I’m too exhausted to get my ass to a meeting or even make a call to my sponsor. Have you tried meditation? It normally helps me but not recently, because I wind up falling asleep.

Whatever we do, we both know a drink will only make life worse. We know this but yet that’s where the mind goes. I’ve got 4 years and that sneaky thought still pops up when I’m under pressure. It’s because I’m looking for a temporary escape.

We’re here for you and remember… this too shall pass. Nothing lasts forever. Stay strong! My inbox is always open.Sending love and strength your way. :heart:

God grant CJ the serenity! :pray:


Thank you @Dazercat @Alisa @Lisa07 for your support. It means alot!


I think it’s great that you recognise these things as warning signs. That it’s not unconscious. Because only then we can react to it and prevent us from finding ourselves relapsing and wondering how this could happen.

Congratulations on your 18 months :sunflower::blush:


I shared in my ladies meeting tonight. For fucks sake i started crying as soon as i said i was struggling. But i shared that i was having thoughts of drinking and i want to take the power out of it. I now have a coffee date and im going to a saturday night meeting with some gals. Im greatful for aa and this community. We dont have to suffer alone


I’m so glad you shared and got the reaction you needed. I swear there’s magic in those ladies meetings. The support and understanding is like no other, something I never thought I’d find. I get a lot from this forum but it doesn’t compare to the real life compassion I get in that room.


Soul sunday ya’ll

Day 553 free from weed and alcohol
Day 96 free from vaping and all unhealthy addictions

Restless, irritable, and discontent was the topic at my morning AA meeting. I havent gone to this meeting but once. The microphone and talking at a podium in front of others is kinda intimidating. But i went because i felt like i needed a meeting and im so very greatful i did. I shared at the end of the meeting on how im restless irritable and discontent ever since i got a promotion and have been uber stressed and havent felt that sickening amount of joy and peace since getting sober and working the steps. I shared how the thought of drinking popped in my head after a long day at work and it scared me. I cried as i shared. I hate when i cry but its cathartic. I realized based on others shares that the addict in me wants the magic solution right away. Who am i to demand the universe and stars align on my time. I was reminded again to surrender and pray. In that meeting i realized i feel like an imposter praying because i dont know who im praying to but boy did i get that spiritual connection and affirmation ive been craving in the rooms of aa. The love,support, and advice i received made me cry. As we gathered in a circle and said the lords prayer and the guy to my left squeezed my hand a few times which to me was a sign from the universe/my god i began to weep and feel an emense amount of love. I just feel hopeful and feel like i have some direction. Gonna keep working my spiritual program because it feels exhilarating when you get glimmers of peace and hope and love from the universe. Ill keep trudging the road to happy destiny.


Im backkk

I should document this beautiful journey sunshine or fire. I know looking back will make me feel sooo accomplished.

Hello im cjp a greatful recovering alcoholic

Day 570 free from weed and alcohol
Day 114 free from nicotine
10.76 months into my healthier lifestyle

Here we go into sober holiday season 2.0. Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I feel confident in my sobriety but im not hanging around bars. Im still very protective of my sobriety. Chillin at home with Boscoe and a fire waiting for hubby to get home. Chatting with friends. I dont feel like im missing out on the drunk. Im worried about all those folks drinking and driving tonight.

Im so greatful i am not consumed by the constant monster of alcohol addiction. I dont worry about getting my next drink. I dont worry if others see how much im drinking. I dont miss the shame and guilt. I am so fricken greatful to feel free from the shackles of addiction.

I also know if i pick up again im headed right back to the misery and helplessness pit of despair. Fuck that.

Fuck any cravings that may come. I will be sober on the other side because i dont drink.


Congratulations @Cjp you’ve worked so hard and you’ve learned what you want and that is to not drink. And be healthy. Lots for you to be grateful/ thankful for on this day of thanksgiving. Super proud of you. You’re my hero! And such an inspiration. It’s a process and you have been tackling it one step at a time ODAAT. :hugs::heart:


Congratulations CJ, you are such a big inspiration to me and im sure many others. Thank you for being you :heart:


Aww @Alisa thanks for your postive uplifting posts!

@Starlight14 you inspire me too. :kissing_heart:


So beautiful CJ! You are showing up for yourself each and every day and embracing all the positive changes that come with sober living. You are a light for so many and helping others along the way of your own journey.

So blessed and thankful to be alongside you my friend.

Hells yeah - fuck the cravings…we are so much better and do much stronger than our addictions :muscle::people_hugging::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:


I have plans to write a huge update but rn its 330am and my mind is spinning from bad dreams…

See hubby decided to start smoking weed again…well he said hed quit again and then i caught him again…i had a horrible dream where i lost all trust in him because he had continued to lie about his using. This dream was really similar to reality. I think he was high last night, he was low energy, eyes squinty, etc but i didnt want to confront him because i thought of you al-anon folks…its his sobriety not my own. I guess the lying bothers me most but i fear he’ll revert back to a forgetful, lazy, lying man who i outgrow.

Patience is key. With hubby and with myself and my fears


Read a timely reminder to live in the present. Linking to the diagram for future reference


You can’t make him sober but you can expect honesty. His use is his own but your relationship deserves respect. Sorry that you are going through this.


Sorry to hear that CJ

One of the most important things I did for my sobriety was to promise not to lie about my drinking, even if I knew it would hurt those close to me to hear the truth. In the long term it helps.

You cannot make him stop, BUT you CAN demand that he doesn’t lie to you about it…