Am I an alcoholic? 20 years of it time to admit?

Ode to my mental illness

Overwhelmed from the jump
Racing thougths
Groggy but full of “she should” - perceived expectations
Expectations skewed
Take a breathe. Its not so serious. Those worries are in your head
Dont worry about others perceptions
Dont worry about work
Take this time to collect and comfort yourself sweet pea
Feel the wind blow on your skin. Hear it rustle in the trees.
Feel the sun warming your skin.
Nothing is so pressing right now.
Just breathe sweet child. Just breathe.
For responsibilities and deadlines will come and go but your health and wellbeing is important.
Breathe sweet child. Just breathe.

Racing thoughts
Constantly checking the clock, the calendar, the list of to dos
Trying to keep up with my own expectations
Fear i will forget
Fear i will drop the ball.
Fuck these racing thoughts.
Sensory overload. This experience is intensive. Sounds and feelings magnified with my inner dialogue trying to soothe self “breathe sweet child. One thing at a time.”
Worry and fear magnified.
This feeling and thoughts arent my usual. Something is off. is it mania?


Im so proud of myself. I took the next right indicated step by reaching out to my doctor about my mental health this morning. Ive been feeling off for about a week. It was getting unmanageable. It was fortunate that someone cancelled an appointment within 30min this morning. (I guess i must have concerned the assistant when i couldnt stop crying) plus the doctor is headed out on vacation and i caught her before she left!! She told me to call and update her tomorrow even though she has the day off.

Im greatful they took me serious. Im greatful i got help. Im greatful the meds are working and i dont feel as in crisis. Im greatful for my loving husband who happened to have the day off. Im greatful i can be 100% authentically myself with him. Im greatful i am not w eak even though i suffer from mental illness.


Oh love - i am so grateful for this too! the universe was ready to help you today with the opening in doctors office and your hubby being home. Grateful that you are feeling less in crisis now. You are far from weak! Much love to you and your path to healing. :hugs:

1 Like

I’m proud of you for reaching out for help when you knew something was off. You are crushing this sobriety thing. Sometimes brains just need a tune up and I’m glad you got yours. Keep going. :heart:


So proud of you for taking care of yourself. That mental health crisis sounded very scary. Glad you were able to get an appointment right away. That’s your HP working in your life. Sending you hugs :people_hugging:
Btw…Congrats on that promotion!! :clap:


CJP - I stumbled upon Annie Grace’s book “the alcohol experiment - 30 days to take control or completely give up alcohol”. I can honestly say that it changed something in my brain and I am now 5 days AF. Annie’s mantra is “without desire there is no temptation” and her book shows you that it is possible to not have a desire to drink. She also runs The Naked Mind and I have found it invaluable. Give it a read and see what happens😊


@TrustyBird thanks for the support and kind words. I love the tuneup perspective. It funny i tell others to give themselves grace then cant seem to do the same for myself

@Lisa07 thanks for the hugs :slight_smile: I totally agree with the higher power at play!

@LAL congrats on 5 days!!! i love annie grace! She got me started on my sober journey with the 30day experiment


This is so relatable. We are harder on ourselves than we need to be.