Holy moly apparently with the fun and excitement of vacation i only need like 6hrs of sleep. Im powered by my curiosity and desire for adventure.
I had a wonderful moment in tamarindo costa rica. Hubby and i sat in a bar, listening to live music, him drinking an orange fanta and me drinking a refreshing fresca. I had an out of body moment of perspective. I was overcome with gratitude at the realization that if i told past me 1.75yrs ago in active addiction that i would be sober, on vacation in costa rica, and having so much fun i woulnt have believed you. This is an amazing adventure. Pura vida.
No words needed, your facial expressions tell us you’re having the time of your life. And you’re surfing! How awesomely fun is that?! You go girl!
Thank you for sharing such a special time in your life will all of us. Couldn’t be prouder of you.
Oh my gosh!!! This is simply amazing and beautiful to read and see!! It looks so incredibly magical and you look so relaxed and gloriously happy!! Thank you for sharing your story and joy!! Viva sobriety!!
You never know how big a roll you play in someones story
Bimbo my surf coach
Bianco our lovely driver who talked with me on the 5hr
drive bw cities
Us in someone elses wedding photos at the base of
Arenal volcano, she asked
How powerful mother nature is and how humbling it is in the wild
How small you are in the scheme of things
Check your ego at the door and listen to your body cues
Fuckkkkk my minds not right. I dont feel at risk of drinking just dont feel like myself. My anxiety, racing thoughts, brain fog, and work stress is ALOT. but ya know what i hit 3 aa meetings this week. Tried 2 new ones…meh may go back,
Glad i hit the ladies home group tonight even though there was drama around group conscience…hey dawn if you wanted us to start reading how it works at meetings you shoulda been at the business meeting. Now we interupted our regular meeting with women bickering fuck not appropriate. Oh well. At least now i know as backup gsr i need to read into the rules of group conscience and business meetings. I think im right but the ppl pleaser in me said ok fine lets vote and get this over with. Now this shit is sinking into next weeks meeting. Ahhh wooosawww
Yeah so let go and let god. Thats a tough one especially with anxiety and control issues. Working on it. Still sober. Still greatful. Hoping for a beautiful sunny sober day tomorrow
Its literally sunnier sitting on my deck with Bdog while lunch cooks itself right now. Thanks for checking up on me! Im feeling better than the day before. Im still in a very anxious manic episode but i hope it subsides soon. These cycles usually balance out in a week. I meet with my meds lady next week anyways. Exercise and sunshine fuel my soul. Plus i get some time with my mom today too.
Oh and i heard my aunt is going to try Naltrexone to quit drinking. Shes an obnoxious black out drinker. Getting called her mini-me while i was drinking was motivation for me to finally quit drinking myself. Hoping she finds some relief from her addiction
Still on the struggle bus. Going into week two of an agitated manic state and im working on a sinus infection. Full blown mouth breather here. Tried to meditate this morning and got pissed off that they focused on breathing through the nose lol what privledge
Just need to make it to friday evening then i dont have to mask as well that im sane and have my shit together.
I feel like a complete mess with the rapid thoughts, braing fog, difficulty concentrating, fear, anxiety, memory issues. Sometimes i have to remind myself that people dont see whats going on in my brain…it kinda helps that im physically sick because now i can blame my brain fog at work on my physical illness. Idk if its a workplace stigma around mental health or self perception and fear of judgement if i “come out” as bipolar and sometimes cycle. Maybe its fear of judgment. My boss already calls people bipolar in a negative context which doesnt help.
Part of me wants to keep that private, work on minimizing my cycling with my dr, and just mask up when im going thru it. But damn is masking exhausting.
Feeling better this morning after tweeking my meds. Heres to hoping im on the mend.
Sending you love and feel good vibes - i do hope that you are on the mend now with the med tweek. My goodness girl - going on 2 weeks is insane. I’m sorry that you are suffering with this for so long. It does suck that society can’t see mental health struggles for what they are and are so ready to give it a negative connotation.
I do hope that you are doing better now CJ - here if you need to talk
Wow its been a minute since i checked in here. My mentaal health crisis has calmed down. Ive upped my mood stabilizer slightly and im handling stress a bit better. Hubbys car died and we had to scrap it. Stress of shopping for a car is over we put some money down and financed a 2018 honda civic. Looks pretty. I hope it lasts us a long time.
Need to find a sponsor who has time to meet on the weekends. Trying to get off early at work, pick up Boscoe, eat dinner, and meet my sponsor during the week is causing me alot of stress. I had to cancel on her wednesday because i worked up until we were supposed to meet. I feared calling her. Of course she told me its my program and it doesnt seem like my sobriety is a priority
Im struggling to find balance. What does balance look like with AA, work, working out, chores, marriage?..just all of it.
Idk oldtimer AAs ask if youd go to any length for your sobriety and theres no saying no when asked to do service but if im being honest i dont want to subscribe to that because that wouldnt be balanced. Yes im young in my sobriety, almost 2 years, may 1st, but i dont think i need daily meetings. My goal is 2 meetings a week. If im struggling maybe hit 3. I feel like this community, working my program, hitting 2 meetings a week, and (meeting with a sponsor) should be enough rn. Now…i just need to find a sponsor who i feel comfortable with. I think id like to work the steps again.
Thats enough ramblings for now. I hope we feel a bit of serenity today
I too cannot moderate… Only when I run out. Tried just buying “just enough” but that doesn’t work. We too like to drink together, we don’t fight, though sometimes I do say stupid shit. I don’t think there is every any going back to just having a couple and stopping.
Its crazy the amount of energy we could spend trying to moderate and control our intake. Its a losing battle. Quitting drinking has freed my mind and spirit from the constant thought of drinks
I don’t feel like this was a nice response. I think your sobriety is a priority, at least from what I see, otherwise you wouldn’t have a 2 year anniversary coming up.
Balancing all the aspects of life can be so difficult. I don’t have any advice there but I hear ya and you aren’t alone
Glad that your mental health crisis is calming down. A lot of stresses and you are handling them all very well.
OMG - the sponsor does not seem like she’s being available to you. I do hope you are able to find a sponsor that fits your needs as you should have a good back and forth relationship with your sponsor. You should NEVER fear calling your sponsor.
Do what needs to be done for you – you know what you need for your sober journey. Nothing is set in stone. Don’t feel pressure to do more or less … you are doing amazingly well CJ and should be proud of the progress you are making. I see all the efforts you are putting in each and every day and i do think you take your sobriety seriously and have it be a high priority in your life!
Holy moly i cant believe i havent heard the yesterday, today, and tomorrow prose until today. Its a lovely reminder to not worry about the past, the future, and live in the present. ONE DAY AT A TIME.
INQUIRE NOW
Living One Day at a Time: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Sailing sunset on the water illustrates living one day at a time
This short prose is a nice reminder to live one day at a time:
There are two days in every week about which we should not worry. Two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One of these days is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.
The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow. With its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is as yet unborn.
This just leaves only one day . . . Today. Any person can face the challenges of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternity’s - yesterday and tomorrow - that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad. It is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.
Let us therefore live but one day at a time.
~ Author Unknown ~
sitting on my deck with Bdog while lunch cooks itself right now. Thanks for checking up on me! Im feeling better than the day before. Im still in a very anxious manic episode but i hope it subsides soon. These cycles usually balance out in a week. I meet with my meds lady next week anyways. Exercise and sunshine fuel my soul. Plus i get some time with my mom today too.
