LOL – i love the picture and Keep that attitude girl! 
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Love that pic and your “don’t give a fuck” attitude!
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You know how when you see someone going through something you have dealt with that negatively impacted your life, you seek the “magic words” that will help them and in some cases wake them up? That’s how I feel reading your original post. I drank heavily for 20 years. This is what I want to say about it, and I really hope you will think about it.
Did bad things always happen when I drank?
No, not always.
When bad things have happened in my life, was drinking usually involved?
Yes.
Do the benefits I’ve gotten from drinking outweigh the negatives?
No. It’s a miracle i’m not homeless, dead or worse and I could make a strong argument, not just my opinion but mathematically, that I would be a millionaire if I never touched a bottle.
What worked for me was Jesus. I tried everything else. That’s just what worked for me. I have peace now. I never had peace before.
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I dont know where this goes but ive got to get it out.
My husband is a liar. Its so easy for him to lie to me. Then he says he didnt know how to tell me. He racked up another $2000 in credit card debt. Just accruing interest, not making payments. Now here we are again he went into $6000 of credit card debt and i helped him get a lower rate loan to pay it off and he promised me he wouldnt go into debt again. This motherfucker lies. Hes lying about smoking weed. Hes lying about his money. Yet hes still taking his $350 singing and acting lessons. Im pissed. He promised me he wouldnt get into debt again yet here we are and hes lying about it. Im tired of his poor decisions and lies. Fuck. I cant trust him. This shatters me. $2000 is not alot but its the fucking principle. What else is this motherfucker lying to me about?
Im pissed and heartbroken.
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Sorry to hear that. That would drive me nuts as well 
I hate liars and I hate people who just veil truth and stuff thru deception or omission. Screw that
Hope you can figure it out. Maybe he needs to hear exactly how this is effecting you and how you feel about it in no uncertain terms. Good luck.
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Oh I’m sorry to read this CJ. This is bullshit on his part and it would totally piss me off too.
Are you able to have a serious talk with him and lay out how his actions are affecting you like TF mentioned? Dishonesty will not be tolerated .
I know some couples do keep finances separate for this reason and then it’s his mess if he continues to choose this path. Just a thought…not sure if it’s easy for the two of you to do.
You have been working so hard on turning your life around but you can’t be the responsible one bailing him out every time. As harsh as it sounds - he will not learn or change unless he has consequences for his actions.
I am grateful that you vented this out here. Sending you hugs ya and love co in trying to deal with this situation.
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You have every right to be mad CJ. He owes you an explanation and that money paid back. No apologies, your anger is justified.
Keep on your good trajectory.
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Hey CJ,
You’re totally within your rights to be angry, it’s only human to get mad when someone we love breaks our trust.
As an addict I became a liar. I didn’t mean to, but all those little lies mattered and they added up:
“I’ve only had a couple” yeah right.
Hiding those bottles.
“No, tomorrow I’ll stop, today I need this”. Uh huh.
“Oh, my client is as the one who suggested it and I couldn’t say no”.
It just went on and on.
Even when I was struggling with my drinking still, the thing that bought my wife and I closer together wasn’t that I didn’t drink, it was that I didn’t lie to her about it any more.
Make sure you tell him that it’s not the failing and getting into debt that sucks, it’s the lying.
Sending you strength to deal with this!
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I’m really sorry to hear this CJ, that must be incredibly frustrating. I hope you had a good day today and are able to speak with him about it.
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Sending some love your way CJ, hope you are feeling a little better today 
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Man, im struggling today. He stopped his singing and acting lessons, sold his playstation, and did a laundry list of chores hes been neglecting. It all seems like an empty gesture. He could have taken these steps on his own before. He not only lied about going back into debt. He gaslight me when i asked about it.
I knew money was always going to be an issue but i overlooked it because he had a high emotional iq and i felt safe with him.
I dont know what im getting out of this relationship anymore. Hes angry and distant. He lies and gaslights. Here my codependent self wants to make him happy.
I dont know what my next steps are. Its all sorta tragic as our 3 year anniversary is tomorrow. I dont want to quit this marriage but i dont know how we mend this riff. Im tired of investing time, energy, and money into us. I feel so alone and all i want to do is cry to my mom but i dont want to drag her into our drama.
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Im sorry CJ, i think at times like this its worth remembering that nothing has to be done straight away…sit with this for a while and try to work out what can be done about it or if you even want to work it out and eventually youl come to some answers. . Youl still be pretty raw right now and not as logical as you could be, if you need to cry then do it but give yourself some time here to ride the emotions out and get your head together. Sending you some big hugs, im here for you 
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A friendly suggestion here, since this is happening to you you can process it with whomever you choose. That could mean your Mom if you think that would be helpful.
Maybe therapy is an option too? Everyone needs a tune up/set break once in a while. Sending hugs today and always. Might I suggest 4 Boscoe ear scritches in the meanwhile? 🩷
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Can’t tell you happy anniversary and for that I am sorry. I’m sorry about all of it.
I can tell you that I am here as a friend and support.
You are very diligent and resourceful and you will figure this out. It’s a process; I wish you the best with it and with your life.
Again, I am really sorry.
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Thanks so much @Alisa @TrustyBird @Starlight14 your words bring me comfort in this tough time. I appreciate you my sober sisters
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It’s the hardest to do the first step, I stopped drinking a long time ago, but it was the hardest to understand the problem in the first place.
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I feel ya Cj. You aren’t alone, not in the slightest. The other day my SO called to tell me him wants to take another loan from his 401k. he said “I’m telling you so you can’t say I didn’t” 
I could have done without that comment. He then says it’s to fix the fence, something I have been wanting done because part of it’s leaning and we are missing some boards. I have this feeling though that it isn’t for the fence. That he is using it as a cover because he has spent to much on his doc and needs to get back to a cushy place in his bank account. I could be completely wrong but I can’t even get the thought dispelled because when I tried to talk a bit more about it he said well we don’t have to get the fence fixed. I just wanted to know what made him all of a sudden decide to fix it. We have lived here 4 years and it has needed fixing all this time. Our anniversary is next month- 10 years married, 14 together.
I’m sorry your hubs has put yall back into debt. It’s hard having a person who lies and gaslights for a SO. I know I’m a little late in posting. I hope you found an outlet with your mom.
Have a great day love because you deserve it
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@Runningfree thanks for your reply although i wish we didnt relate over this. Its hard being suspicious of your SO. The doubt lives in our heads rent free.
We talked this morning. He wrote a heartfelt letter acknowledging what hes done. Im not ready to call it quits. I shared with him that i dont feel like i can depend on him. I always knew money was a thing but i overlooked it because he was there emotionally. But lately im met with anger and impatience and wondering what i get out of this. We’ll see if hes a man of his word and things change for the better. Im sceptical but hopeful
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Maintaining an open dialogue is a good step, just be honest with your boundaries and check in with yourself.
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That’s not cool at all. Partnerships have lines, and lying is a pretty big one to cross. Not know how to tell you, as an adult is just a copout.
I hope you guys can talk this out as trust is so paramount in a healthy relationship. Once it’s not there, what really is left??
Wishing you all the best on getting this aired out.
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