This is great to hear! Glad you finally found something that’s working for you. 
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Thank you so much! Yes, everything is good on my end. It’s amazing what the right treatment can do. I’m sober and feeling good and positive about the New Year.
Thank you so much to everyone on here for all your support over the past few years. I’m sorry for having been a giant pain the arse.
Happy Hollidays! 
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Damn, that must have been exhausting. I’m glad you’ve found meds which have freed you from that anxiety.
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I can feel that weight lifted for you. Your posts are so much lighter. Wishing you a very sober and calm holiday season!!!
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Another update. I’m still doing well. Still off the booze and haven’t had recreational drugs since the summer.
I feel strange. I think the meds finally started doing some leveling work as I’m clear headed. I’ve been clear headed almost everyday and I keep expecting it to stop and for me to go back to ‘normal’. Yet, everyday I get up, I work, I run errands and still have energy in the evening to go out for a walk, cinema or meal with my better half.
Christmas was a carnival of ‘pick your triggers for me’. It seemed like my family was trying to test me. They even backed me into a corner with my dad throwing a little tantrum saying he ‘demands’ grandkids. And my mom saying that having a kid is a ‘must’. Other family members reminded me that… ya know… I’m getting old so I better hurry up. That’s just one example. Instead of taking their numerous shit to heart and drinking my feelings, I just laughed their comments away. But most importantly, I didn’t feel that internal rage building up. I wasn’t bothered, well… I was. But not in a 'I’m gonna drink until I black out, that’ll show ‘em!!!’ bothered.
I even had a conflict at work, that I handled with professionalism and… again… no internal burning rage.
I think this is how normal people do the life thing…
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Glad to hear your doing well 
After many years on seroquel, it saved my life, or my sanity really…
I am no longer on any meds. I haven’t been for a long time. Seroquel was a healing band aid for my brain after a decade of daily meth use.
Seroquel made me go from 50kgs to 75kgs in a year after I got clean off meth. Ive lost about 12 of those KGS now. Its hard. But I’d rather have my sanity and a productive stable life than over worry about the crazy weight seroquel made me put on in such a short period of time.
Our mental health is our priority. Without it, our worlds fall apart…
I’m glad to read that your doing well
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Not on seroquel, mine’s abifily. I was very very reluctant to take it because of the potential for weight gain (even of the psych man promised it’s weight neutral… whatever that means). But now I’m thinking, I’d rather be fat and happy, than… well, fat and unhappy. The pill seems to have curbed my comfort eating, so I’m hopint that at the very least I won’t put any weight on. I’m one of those weirdo’s who got the munchies when drinking. No bender was without a takeout. In the past couple of weeks I haven’t ordered at all. Just cooked or went out with husband once or twice.
You’re amazing for being off the meds completely, tho. That’s my maybe one day dream.
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Ah, life with the family!! My parents are here with us for four nights and I love them dearly and know I am blessed to still have them in my life…and yet…buttons pushed… every …moment… it seems. Same with my adult daughter who is not here, yet still triggering me all over the place. Lord I have work to do. 
Such is life. And yet…I won’t drink at my issues. That definitely will only make my life more challenging and sad.
I am glad your body / mind is finding homeostasis and healing. A true true blessing after how hard you have fought. So much to be grateful for.
And I cannot help you with how ‘normal’ people feel. I don’t really know anyone who doesn’t or hasn’t struggled emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually with some aspect of life. We just, as a society, make pretend there are people who don’t. And many people do not share the inner workings of their life.
Anyway…thank you for the update and may you continue the work of healing and health you so richly deserve.
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Thought I’d jump on my crazy thread to ask for some prayers. Even if I’m an atheist.
I’m in a train station about to go to Triggerland. The city where all my teenage abuse happened. Last time I was the I got my first bout of flashbacks. There are some beaurocratic things I must sort out, so I don’t actually have a choice in the matter. I thought I’m medicated enough for this. But there’s no amount of psychiatric drugs to stop me feeling how I’m feeling right now. I think I’m at the edge of a panic attack just waiting for the train…
Yeah… sorry this isn’t more cheery. Please… pray for me to get through today.
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Sending positive energy your way!! Stay strong friend
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Sending up much positive juju for you on this leg of your journey. I have faith in your ability to overcome. Stay strong and keep us posted!
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I will. I’m feeling a bit better now the train is moving.
It’s fine. I’ll be fine. Quick train, taxi, beaurocratic bullshit, taxi, train, home, pizza. I got this! 
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Great for checking in, Amy! You got this!
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Yes you do!!!
Sending all the positive vibes your way @Amy30. When you start feeling panic, focus on your breathing. You can do this, you’re much stronger now. Think about all of us sitting with you on that train in support.
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I made it. The whole thing was quick and painless, I even caught the early train home. Two hours from now I’ll be napping in my warm bed. Sober. Thank you for all the support. It helped me through a particularly tough morning.
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This is great to hear. I am really happy for you
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Great news!! Get some rest!!
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So I guess it’s time for another update. I’m ok. I think. Still sober, still off the devil’s powder and pretty much stable for my 4th week in a row. It’s not all peaches and cream, tho. There are side effects to the pills, mainly I feel weird and heavy. By heavy I mean physically heavy and I have a constant state of mild anxiety… it’s weird. I’m also barely sleeping more than 3 hours at the time.
But at the same time, I’m more productive than I’ve been my entire life. And more sober too. Seeing the psych man tomorrow, I’m hoping he’ll just say the side effects will eventually pass.
Well… that’s all from your favourite resident crazy person. 
Thank you again for this morning. My day was tough mentally, but I made it through and I didn’t drink my feelings away. Maybe I have actually turned a corner.
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Side effects do generally pass given time. Hopefully that is what the doctor will tell you. Do you do any breathing, meditation or movement for the anxiety? That and warm baths and coloring help me thru. Relaxing stuff.
The sleeping sounds troublesome, hopefully this will regulate…keep us posted!
Oh, I am reminded of how in early sobriety I was super anxious and my sleep was a mess too…so those could also be natural responses to your sobriety. It took awhile for my body to regulate to a new normal.
I appreciate the update and am glad you are sober and doing well.
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