I’m on day one again after 5 months sober. I feel like kicking myself for thinking I could have the occasional drink here and there but I can’t. I need to do this for myself and my family but life is so hard and drinking seemed to make things easier (like coasting through it all). I know I’ll miss the dreaded drink but I know I’ll miss far more important things if I don’t quit and stay strong. First time poster x
21 Likes
If you made it 5 months you know you have what it takes. Try checking in here daily, it really helps. Complacency is the enemy. Dont beat yourself up too bad, you can do this.
5 Likes
Thanks @Dust going to try and stay strong this time. I think it’s difficult for those that aren’t alcoholics to understand that it’s an addiction that’s a tough one to crack. My partner knows I’ve relapsed and now I feel like a patient. The constant “is today a good day?” “Have you been drinking?” questions are driving me up the wall and aren’t helpful at all
1 Like
Did you tell her that these comments are not helpful?
5 Month was a Good stretch. Write a list why you quit now and what drove you to quitting. Reasons, feelings etc. When your mind is trying to convince you that you maybe can Control it „this Time“. Read your letter.
Keep going strong!
2 Likes
I did and it didn’t go down too well. Tried to explain that I need to be selfish focus on myself. Not worry about how he is feeling or what he’s thinking as that stresses me out and makes me want to drink. All I hear about is how he feels, what this is doing to him. I know that’s important and his feelings are valid but this is bigger than him and something I have to deal with, change my mindset and habits which is something I have to do myself without the added pressure of his emotions…if that makes sense?
6 Likes
Unfortunately I see this behaviour as selfish. He should see that you are trying to make a better person of yourself.
I think that he may be scared of how the new you will be which to me shows his own insecurities.
All you can do is be you. Come on here to vent at anytime, there are a lot of people who have been through the same experience with partners.
Believe me, you are not alone.
4 Likes
I think he finds it difficult to deal with and doesn’t know the right thing to say so says whatever pops into his mind which is often the wrong thing. I think that I just need him to leave me be and let me get on with my journey tbh. I’m going to go back to AA when I get back from my hols as I find that they understand and listening to people’s experiences really helped the first time round. I feel ready today and so much stronger and I just don’t need the distractions of somebody else’s emotions that has no understanding of addiction. Phew…rant over lol
3 Likes
Thanks Ludo, we spoke about this today and he’s going to look for a support group for partners as I can’t support him as well as be strong for myself. Hopefully we can find one and he finds it helpful.
2 Likes
That’s the great thing about AA. A group of people who have been there or are trying. There are a lot of people who don’t understand what it’s like to be an addict, partners included.
Communication is key.
2 Likes
Will do and I hope he finds it helpful too. I feel strong so I think I can do it this time round.
I actually can’t wait to get home so I can go to a meeting. They are so helpful and seem to work for me. Hubby wants to come with me but I don’t think I’m ready for him to yet.
2 Likes
He does want to help and wants to be involved in your sobriety. That’s good right. Indeed a family members group sounds better for him right now. So you both can express your feelings freely and learn from your equals. I hope he sees that too. Congrats on your new beginnings Felicia and welcome here.
4 Likes
My hubby now knows to butt right out when i’m trying to stop drinking. I know it causes issues and drama which is why i’ve stopped again. I need to do it on my own. He is supportive and will often ask if I want to go for a walk at witching hour but that’s it. He has no clue what i’m going through. He does not drink - does not like the taste! lol!! Try to stay strong. I know it’s tough. Really really tough. I was fantasising about a frosty glass of wine an hour ago- however I want the whole bottle and more. So I know I can’t. One day at a time. 
4 Likes
Your partner could try Al-Anon. It is amazing support for those who are impacted by others’ drinking. Alcoholism is a family disease and those closest to us can end up sick too and can benefit strongly from the help of a program that helps them learn to let go of their expectations. I’ve been on both sides of this and can really relate. 
welcome!
3 Likes
I was surprised it took this long for Alanon to come up.
@Phillyb, what did he do in the beginning last time? Was he this way, or more laid back? I’m fairly certain that he is just reacting to the relapse, as opposed to sobriety in general. Probably also being a bit more annoying because he’s anxious about you two being on vacation. Still annoying, I’m sure.
It warms my heart to see that you are handling this like someone who is serious. Having a plan is one of the most important parts of recovery. I give you a thumbs up for being proactive while you are still on holiday!
1 Like
Your partner has every right to ask you if today is a good day or if you’ve been drinking. You gave them that right by relapsing. Those questions aren’t asked to help you. Your partner ask those questions so they feel better. Your recovery might be selfish to you, and that’s fine, but it’s not to your partner, and you definitely need to respect that. You owe them.
2 Likes
Thank you @Meggers. He took it easier the first time as I don’t think he realised how bad it was. So I think my relapse has been a real blow for him and he knows it’s a real problem. Doing well so far on day one. Think I may have a nap to help the hours pass lol
1 Like
Food for thought: Nomenclature can be dangerous. A slip would suggest a mistake, an error in judgment, not a big deal. If I didn’t have to reset after a slip, I’d be slippin everyday. But the reality is, one deliberate sip of alcohol, after significant time in recovery, is the final step of relapse, not the first step. With all of my relapses, whether lasting one day or one year, there was a series of steps that lead to the final step of picking up a drink.
The steps of relapse may be:
Attending fewer meetings
Stop going to meetings all together
Not using the tools to manage life
Isolating one’s self
Romanticizing alcohol
Picking up a drink
Even if my relapse ended with just one sip, I’d reset because I had every chance to catch myself before that final step and I didn’t.
I would not reset if I accidentally took a sip of an alcoholic drink and stopped right there, but if I took two sips, I may need to reset. 
Something to ponder I guess. 
10 Likes
@Phillyb welcome to the forum. You’re in a good place. The people here are kind, understanding and genuine. If you went 5 months, you KNOW you CAN do this! Do not let a slip up define you. I’m certainly not! Check in daily, post as often as you want/need. This forum is a great tool to have as part of your journey. Best of luck!
1 Like
9 hours in and feeling ok
2 Likes