Back to work tomorrow after quite some time off I’m not worried about drinking but it’s still the place where I have to curb my emotions, it really does bring out the worst in me and I don’t even know why I say that bc I’ve not had a bad day at work for nearly 2 months. it takes some adjusting to this new life and new way of thinking bc I’ve been presuming the worst case scenario for so many years it’s a hard habit to break. So tommorow is life on life’s terms and time for me to stop being the actor trying to run the whole show. All I gotta do is turn up and smile. Be strong, Be grateful
7 Likes
If it’s any consolation, I’m right there with you on this one. I too often presume the worst case scenario, especially at work. I’ve historically been a pretty pessimistic fortune teller and an inaccurate one at that. I’m often wrong and it’s never the end of the world like I think it will be. But I still get myself all worked up beforehand. I’m getting better at not doing that, but like you said, it’s a tough habit to break.
5 Likes
so just after my post last night I got a message from my boss complaining that I should have been at work Monday and they were short staffed (They were actually over staffed in the morning otherwise I would have gone in) So that freaked me out just before sleep and I had to dig deep into my god tools to get through it, focused on the now and looked at what I was feeling and why, reminded myself to give the brain time to think and my ears time to listen before I entered the situation that I knew was coming the next day. Didn’t happen. Why oh why do we go on some mental soap opera and write the script of the entire day and every conversation I’m going to have and have a list of smart arsed replies all ready for action. Never was a drink or drug part of the plan though and that’s progress bc its normally solution #1. So after a shit night of sleep and almost hyperventilating I had a really good day today. Be strong, Be grateful, Be present bc nothing else is real.
9 Likes
Because we are tuned to “fight or flight” instinctively. So we start to work through all possible scenarios. And usually this means adrenaline will start to pump which doesn’t help because we can’t get to sleep.
This adrenaline also helps release all-sorts of other chemicals and hormones and none of that is helpful when we want to sleep either.
Best to not think about it! Stick some music on your earplugs! 
4 Likes
60 days. Cheesy song time, yes I’ve seen Iron maiden at least 3 times that I can remember but I am a closet Neil diamond fan.
Be strong, Be grateful I didn’t play the whole jazz singer album 
Love on the rocks…
6 Likes
60 days?! Holy crap, where did the time go? I’m super proud of you my friend.
Congratulations!!
3 Likes
cheers Lisa, always been a rock for me. its officially at 12 but the sober counter didn’t allow for the hour change so I’ll check in in 1 minute
3 Likes
Good to see this mate. Really proud of you! 
4 Likes
it’s been a while since I’ve seen those numbers. One more tommorow 
4 Likes
Happy 60! So happy to see you doing so well, Paul. 
5 Likes
years of recovery and more importantly my recent experience has taught me my relapse starts weeks before I pick up again and recently I’ve felt a shift inside, that shift is the slow but constant feeling of me me me. That self pity on the inside will appear as resentment of others and everything on the outside and one day I’ll pick up a drink and say fuck it to it all, I’ll show you who’s the boss and who can have a drink for a change. The simple fact I know this changes everything. Act act act =solution solution solution. Be strong, Be grateful.
6 Likes
You staying on top of it Paul?
1 Like
You know who’s the boss and it ain’t you OR the drink, your self awareness and clarity will save you this time. I truly believe it and in you 
3 Likes
busy day at work a meeting, food then bed, a drink crossed my mind but I’m an alcoholic so why wouldn’t it. Be strong, Be grateful.
5 Likes
Best 10 hour shift at work I’ve had in a long time, the steps I take in life teach me to deal with situations that are not to my liking and not only get on with it but make the most of the opportunity and learn something from it. There are many angles to look at any situation, if you don’t like what you see then stand back and look at it different. Be strong, Be grateful.
6 Likes
Now you’re talking! Nice one Pauly!
1 Like
I needed to read this tonight. Thank you Paul.
2 Likes
Eat, sleep, work, repeat. I hate AA it’s bloody exhausting not being selfish and doing things I don’t want to do and not showing my feelings are hurt and giving to the world so the world can give back to me. The thing is though while I spend time trying to do my best for others it tends to keep my life in order, I don’t have any great sense of achievement bc I haven’t set out to achieve anything in particular, just doing what needs to be done without worrying about what I get out of it kinda gives me all I need anyway. Be strong, Be grateful.
6 Likes
Sooo tired bc of covering shifts at work but in my drinking days tiredness alone would have been a blessing. I know for a fact I would have been worrying the nights before, waking up feeling anxious then going to work hoping I don’t have a panic attack bc they are putting to much on me and why is it all my problem and nobody cares, in fact I’m sure everyone is deliberately being awkward and I hate my job and everyone in the building. Without alcohol I smile and laugh, I act curtious and patient I am helpful, nothing is too much trouble and the world is not against me in fact things happen that make my day better not worse. I can still find fault here and there bc I’m human and that’s OK but it doesn’t have to drag me down it is what it is. Life is good bc sobriety let’s you see what is going on inside you and not obsessed with what’s going on around you and blaming it for everything. Be strong, Be grateful
7 Likes