Back at it tomorrow my friend. You know what you need to do; when you are ready you will. You are stronger than this disease. We’ve got your back. 
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You’re such a fighter Paul. Keep at it and eventually it will stick. I’m not giving up on you!
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How are you doing and feeling today Paul mate? 
Ill, I nearly had to leave work early bc I thought I was going to pass out, now I’m just exhausted and got a headache. As shit as I feel though it still crossed my mind to have a hair of the dog after work just to make me feel better but it didn’t make me feel any better yesterday and TBH I don’t think I can face it. Hope you’re keeping OK.
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Yeah I’m not too bad thanks. Just so you know I,m here if you ever need to reach out bud.
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Total exhaustion, yesterday’s little fiasco has taken its toll on me today, I wish I could go to sleep for the week. Was it all worth it? Definitely not. Have I learnt anything? What’s left to learn, been there done that got the T shirt. Will it happen again? Who knows but right now I can’t see me rushing to the shop if I’m going to feel this shit each time. I just need to remember this moment bc it affected me, my job, people around me, three people I’ve never met didn’t get an interview for a new job and how that will affect their lives god only knows, I’m not being a drama queen but little ripples in life spread out some kid could be going hungry bc I had a drink. Its a bit drastic but you get the point. Be strong bc this ain’t worth it.
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Last time i used which was actualy a massive binge i took the writing down how you are feeling a step further and made a little video of myself. I felt and looked ansolutely awful, i was very tempted to use another time after that and after watching the clip I managed to talk myself out of it.
Maybe worth considering? Every tool at our disposal and all that! I hope you feel better soon bud.
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Day 45, feeling great, night everyone
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Well done 
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Thanks so much 
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Slowly regaining some energy. That last relapse had a huge affect on me it made me feel like I just want to be left alone. I’ve heard so much advice I can’t listen to any more. Mentally and physically exhausted which I’m happy ish about bc I don’t see any advantages to drinking or smoking weed right now. I can’t cope with it if it’s going to just make me feel shit. I don’t care how many days I do or don’t have it’s not important to me right now, all I need is rest and peace and quiet.
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The desire to drink and smoke has gone. its been years since I felt like this and last time I got to 18 months on my first attempt but what I didn’t know then is that I could never have a drink again. Now I know.
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Yay!! I was missing your goodnight posts. I still check every night to see how you’re doing. It’s the little things in life that make me happy these days.
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starting to enjoy being sober and drug free again and beginning to appreciate the little things in life again also loving the big things in life like how well the people around me are doing. I get so much from other people doing well and enjoying life. Did 2 shares in 1 hour today and felt like I had something to offer for a change (thanks to @adeygaga49). So proud of the strength and courage of @Natnat for her personal issue and got loads of love and pride for someone I’m not prepared to mention but if you read this you know who you are. We’re all in this together.
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Ahh thankyou pauly. God bless you my friend x
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Thank you Paul . It helps me to share with you. I love your honesty always
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Love reading this update Paul. You never give up and I admire that about you!
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Bitter sweet day today, from my point of view a very good day and now attempting to quit smoking anything, I’ve not really enjoyed smoking roll ups without weed in for a few days now so what’s the point. The bitter part is caring about people and their journey, I get so emotionally involved in other people’s recovery, I just want everyone to do well all the time to the point where my expectations of them are higher than my own. I never think anyone is weak though maybe just a bit iller than they can cope with right now. Anyway I’m just rambling, goodnight be grateful.
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