I’ve been there many times, I told myself that this is just who I am. I do know we really have to want it. These last few relapses you’ve really been white knuckling it. Something is holding you back. I think things changed a bit when Laura lost her job, not sure if there is any relation, but something has changed.
I know this time I initially didn’t want it. I couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital so I could drink again. But something shifted. I was desperate and tried something I’ve been resisting for many, many years. I’m terrified the urge will come back, but I have tools and especially wonderful people like you in my life. I’m so grateful to be able to call you a friend. I love you a lot and I’m here for you. You’ll get this figured out. In the meantime, be good to yourself
Now ain’t that the truth, your very observant. She has a new job now and after living and working together for 18 years I now have time to myself and I’ll tell you something all the single people on here I have not got a clue what motivates you to stay sober. If I was single I would be dead now. I do have a life plan that on my 50th birthday I will be one year sober and I’m 49 this Sunday so it’s finally make or break time.
I’m really proud of you and your year sober but that really fucked with my head, we started this together all that time ago and it just prove to me I have no determination. My mind likes to tell me I’m better than everyone else and it’s a bit of a wakeup call when you find out your not even half the person you think you are.
Paul, Paul, Paul.
Buddy.
Slow down. Chill.
You always seem to be flying around at 100mph.
Thats how I see you when I read your posts.
Stop.
Reverse right back to the very beginning.
Personally I think you need to re-evaluate Step One
“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”
I hope I’m getting across what I mean to say mate.
To me it seem that your making hard work of something that is hard work enough.
Again, I don’t know if that makes sense.
OK so I know no-one is going to believe me but I’m drinking at the moment but I’m 49 on Sunday and on my 50th birthday I’m going to be 1 year sober that’s my goal and I don’t see any thing else happening apart from that, we all make broken promises us addicts but that’s my ambition, that’s what I want so that’s what will happen.
I seriously mean it Geoff and I’m going to be pissing you off by the end of it bc I will need all the help I can get and if I know one person that says it how it is that’s you and that’s a good thing bc to be honest I cringe when I have to read your messages bc at the minute the truth hurts but come Monday it all changes, I’ll be phoning, messaging and whatever it takes.
I’ve always wanted it this way and I think that’s why I’ve been able to keep making excuses but I want this more than anything and it’s finally time. I know they sound shallow words after so many attempts but I want this more than anything and it excites me to even think about it. Do you know even when I’m drinking I still read your posts bc I have to keep my eye on the prize. You’ll never know what you do for me which is funny bc you probably don’t think you do anything different but I get drawn into what you say and I believe it, come Monday I will start believing in me, I will be reaching out every time I get a thought of drinking and yes I know I’ll still have to go through the same cravings and mind games but like I said I want 1 year sober at 50, what a present that will be. take care mate.
I don’t mean to sound desperate but I am, so don’t expect me to be so quiet in the coming future, it’ll be like the good old days. You got a lot to offer and I’ll be all ears.
that’s the thing though, that’s what I’m beginning to see, back in them early days is still where I am and everyone else has done so well. I’ve sat here for over a year telling everyone this and that and not done any of it myself. I don’t know what will change come Monday apart from it has to. I’m excited about the new challenge but scared at the same time bc this has to be it, I can’t fail one more time.
Monday, we’ll be giving you back all that great advice you gave us. It’s going to be time to practice what you preached. Put that comparison shit behind you. To me, we’re all on the same playing field every single day because we’re all just one drink away from starting over.
