So my husband and I made plans today. Go pick up groceries at 1030 then go to Lowe’s to get some plants. 830 am, his first drink poured I knew the plans weren’t going to happen. He said just go get the groceries, we will go later to Lowe’s. I made a comment…well, thats not gonna happen. He hasn’t spoken to me since. 1 pm. Large wine bottle is almost empty. I decided to leave and get lunch with my son(who moved out recently because he can’t stand him) I know this will make him even worse mad, but I can’t stay. Not when my sobriety is so new. I asked him to meet me at lowes after, he told me to go by myself. I AM SO LONELY, frustrated. How do y’all get through addiction when your significant other is always drunk???
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That’s a tough situation. Nothing good if he’s drunk and angry all the time.
I hope you find some resources near you and meet sober people, it really does help. Say the serenity prayer too.
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I tried for years to make my relationship work but my sobriety suffered so I had to walk away or I know I’ll never be truly free from addiction. I know it’s hard but will you truly be happy staying with someone who doesn’t support the positive changes in your life ?
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Unfortunately, a partner who is drunk all the time is a real liability for your sobriety. As they say, if you hang out in a barber shop long enough you’re bound to get a haircut sooner or later. So if you’re hanging out with a drunk all the time…
Curious what you feel you’re getting out of this relationship when he is clearly not supportive of your journey, not following through on the things he says he will do, and has alienated your son from the home.
Whenever I was having trouble with a relationship, my mom would ask me “are you better off with him, or are you better off without him?” Might be worth thinking about…
Stay strong! You don’t have to drink your way through this feeling
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We’ve only been married 2 1/2 years… When hes sober.(or barely drunk) he is the sweetest thing. I knew he liked to drink(I loved to drink), but we didn’t live together before we were married, so I think this was going on for a while. These last two years my drinking was matching his and I finally got to the point where I knew it would kill me. His seems to have gotten worse. Or maybe now that I’m sober, I realize it more. I feel better,thanks to y’all. Also stepping out for awhile helped. Ive been praying he will see his way. I can’t leave him when hes down. I would want him to support me of my faults. Thank you for the encouragement, I needed it!!! Still sober!
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It never happened unfortunately. My story…oh boy is like a Jerry springer show…my late husband ended up with my best friend, and he was best friends with her husband of 20 some odd years!! Yes you heard right!! The ones who suffer, our children!! Mine, and theirs!!! Simple as that!! People need to learn…oh boy do they ever…I just I don’t know, I just know I’m here for you. I know its hard, and he isn’t going to be there for you and I’m sorry. I’ve been there and done it. But we are!! Great supporters here and alot of great adive.
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Luckily we have no children. I have 2. 17 24. Luckily we hang out as much as possible. Husband was sober for 5 years before. We quit back in 2019 for 51 days. I know he can do it… Hes just in a bad way. Trust me, I’m not stopping my life. I go out with friends, the kids, work. I go for walks. If he gets too annoying, I just go to bed.
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Oh so he was sober, that probably adds to his anger about you getting sober. He’s not ready for it to end.
Man, I’m sending you a big hug and I’m very proud of you. 
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I rarely see recommendations for Al-Anon on TS, and I don’t get it. Even for us, even in early recovery, Al-Anon has something to offer. They are all about how to deal with a significant other’s drinking. They have helped several of my friends in and not in AA. Maybe give them a look see.
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I have a concern as to why he’d get upset because you went to lunch with your son. I’m also thinking that as you continue on growing and taking care of yourself, he’s going to be stuck in another place. As we all know, he’s going to have to want to take care of himself. Your values are changing and that may not be what he signed up for. Keep your eye on the prize and hopefully he’ll join you. Three things can happen 1: he sees your success and decides to travel this road together 2: you go down the road alone…and be successful. He’s left behind 3: you give up and join him once more. I have faith that you’ll make the right choice. Also, having four sons, usually when they don’t care for my partner, they’re on to something - especially if it was an alcoholic problem. Hugs and I pray 
the best for you.
Also- refresh your knowledge on co-dependency. Don’t fall into that trap
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Well hang in there. Your doing the right thing. The ppl here are really supportive and there is a lot of resources that can help with you staying clean. I’ve been going through it too. I chose the road to recovery on my own. Bc Noone wants to support me here. So I’m in no relationships and its just me my mom and my children. You have to do what is right for “you”
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I’ve been going thru such a similar situation for the past, almost year now. It sucks. I’m sorry. I hate having the feeling I’d be better off without him bc when we’re both good, its great. I’m getting to the point now tho that I think this every day. Bc he isnt getting better. He said he’d do it when I did, but when I did(and made it almost 5 months this past winter) he didnt. And possibly got worse, or maybe not, bc I had been so cloudy for so long and really couldn’t access the situation properly. My daughter isnt his, but shes known him longer than her real father and loves him. It’s so hard when kids are involved. Just wanted you to know you aren’t alone.
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That’s a really hard spot Kelly. I hear you. It is heartbreaking to watch someone we love when they’re sinking into addiction. Making plans & watching them fall apart, day after day.
It’s best not to think of him for now and just focus on your own sobriety. One day at a time, one hour at a time. Dan (above) mentioned Al-Anon. It’s a great support. Look it up & reach out - they have meetings in person and online.
Your sobriety has to be your focus. Absolutely, 100% about you. You deserve a safe, sober life, where you can be your full self. Jenna (above) asked why you needed to stay there; it may be something to ask yourself. Just remember: your sobriety has to be top priority.
I would suggest you read the book Codependent No More, if you haven’t yet. I suspect it will sound really familiar to you.
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Also - thinking of your title here:
Anger has a purpose. Anger is what we feel when we see injustice. (Just like sadness is what we feel when we are down and need connection & reassurance. And fear is what we feel when we need safety.)
Anger is a signal. It signals that there is someone not doing what they should be doing.
If you feel anger, that means something is off. From what you’re saying here, it sounds like you know what’s off. You haven’t been married long; have you spoken to him about how his drinking affects you? The problems it creates for you and for your marriage? Is he willing to work on it?
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Yes! I came here to say this as well! (✿^‿^)
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@Just_Laura. I’m so glad I’m not the only one going through this. My husband is the same, he’s great when he’s sober. He’s never been violent. His insecurities come out when he drinks and he lashes out. He has no friends, doesn’t get along with his sisters. He’s pretty much ruined his relationship with my family. I’m sure he’ll wake up this morning in a happy mood. He always does until the drink gets to him. I have taken the advice not to bother him with his drinking. Being sober myself helps hold my tongue in check. He loves a good debate and I don’t have to engage. Honestly, I haven’t had any strong cravings, thankfully. I have surmurssed myself in every and anything sober! Books, forums,podcasts, meditation. He can’t blame me any more for drinking, which I think is a shock to him when he realizes that box of wine only lasts a few hours. I’m so fortunate that my son has a stable home with his dad and step mom. They are very supportive of me. I pray for your husband. That he may find the strength to stop. 
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@Matt,
I did in the beginning. Mother’s day weekend,my kids and him got into an argument which ended in all of us leaving. He likes to throw “have another drink,kell” in my face. Not recognizing that he’s trashed. I’ve backed off lately. I do share some great conversations and podcast that are helping me. Even when I got mad and left, I barely felt the need to drink. I don’t want to be like that any more. He’s gained so much weight and barely helps at the house. But he pays all the house bills so I feel my end is keeping it clean. Luckily we have separate accounts, so he can’t touch any money I have. This ST has been a lifeline for me. I love seeing same minded people to know I’m not alone in this!
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It’s good you feel supported here - it’s so important to have a space in life where you feel seen and heard.
I’m sorry to hear he’s so lost in his addiction. It is heartbreaking to live through that: to see someone you care about sink deeper and deeper into their escape from reality. 
This time in your life is about you now. It sounds like you will have to find your support and your strength in your sober community and, more and more as you get stronger, in yourself. Of course there’s Talking Sober, but there’s also lots of meetings going on, online:
Online meeting resources
And there’s lots of useful resources (including other meeting groups) here:
Resources for our recovery
For the moment, stay focused on who you are, and what is important for your health. Remember: you can’t save another person. I don’t say that to be negative. I say that because we sometimes run from one addiction (for example, alcohol) to another: we become the “saviour”, busying ourselves with rescuing others, shielding them from the consequences of their choices. It’s a full time job being the saviour. And just like our drug addiction, it keeps us locked up, isolated and avoiding our own life. (Our life is ours, and ultimately it’s the thing we need to work on. It’s intimidating sometimes, but it’s ours.)
Never give up on yourself Kelly. You’re a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where she can be her full self. Never, ever stop trying. Never, ever give up on being your full, sober self. 
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