I was doing really good and things were going great. Loving my new job. One day I decided to treat myself to a nice dinner. Well I thought a glass of wine won’t hurt. That glass led to 3 bottles. I’ve been drinking non stop since mid March. Today is day one. I’m not having the sweats or shaking from withdrawal but my anxiety is awful. I will be 40 in June. My dad died from alcohol when he was my age. That was hard for me at 18. My son is now 18 and daughter 14. I can’t take them through what I went through. I have done enough over the years already. It’s been 15 months since my last hospital visit due to alcohol. I guess that is an accomplishment. I used to drink until I passed out and wake up in the hospital. I feel awful for thinking about what I have taken my family through
If you play your cards right life will get better from now on. If I read it right you has had a period of sober time so you know what to do. That makes it a little bit easier, at least that was for me. I relapsed after 5 years sober and drank for 1,5 year. Sober again for more then 2,5 years now. So be a better you, a sober you.
Thank you! I really appreciate the encouraging words
Welcome Lisa, today is a great day to start! It sounds like you may have been sober for a while. What were you doing then that worked? Here’s a couple of links that have plenty of ideas for starting and maintaining sobriety.
Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.
Alcoholics like us have a thinking problem. Our best thinking got us in trouble so many times. What changed for me was when I lived a simple phrase: drinking is simply not an option.
Sobriety is more than not drinking, its re-learning how to live. How to celebrate, mourn, be bored, ect…without alcohol.
Welcome, Lisa. That made me sad reading your post. I hope you do your best to not drink today. You need to build a support system around yourself for the next urge. Do whatever you can.
My mom got sober when I was 17 and I still feel the damage from her and my alcoholic father.
Hi Lisa, I am on day 1 again also. I can relate with what you said. I made it 6 months sober and thought I could enjoy an occasional glass of wine and mine also led to 3 bottles of wine daily. For me, it’s how I numb and don’t have to feel the emotional abandonment issues that I have, I guess a boredom thing, a loneliness thing and a way of self stimulation. I have 2 daughters 14 and 16 that generally want nothing to do with me, a mother that has her own issues but is pretty vocal in her hatred of me and numerous failed relationships, expensive trips to the hospital and ya, just a messed up life as a result of my drinking. Still having the shakes, sweats and nausea really bad. Withdrawal sucks so bad and not sure why I keep putting myself through the hell of day 1 and 2 again. Thanks for sharing your experience, it is nice to know someone else can understand.
@DLS Thank you for sharing that. I came close but I didn’t. Sipping on lemon water. It breaks my heart to hear you are still coping. I am too from my father so I don’t understand why I have taken my kids through so much 
Hi Lisa. The good news is you don’t ever have to let that shit deprive you of anything again. I had my share of day ones, mostly because I’m a slow learner. My advice is embrace your recovery and protect your sobriety like an infant child. We’re here for you, reach out anytime.
Doing a little better today…last night was hell with the shakes, muscle cramps, itching, sweating and throwing up and other unmentionables lol. Anytime I think about drinking and just stop myself and go back to thinking about what I was doing and I think what helps the most is knowing if I don’t buy it I won’t drink it so am hugely guarding myself to stay the heck away from liquor stores or the beer aisle. What is your anxiety about…just thinking about drinking wanting it or you got other stuff bugging you? I have huge anxiety about many factors in my family but right now til I get stronger I am holding off on wading through that because that is definitely an eff it pill for me (throw one down type of reaction)
I like that. Embrace my recovery. I always torment myself with counting days and dreading the disappointment of another relapse
My anxiety is part of the withdrawal phase. Every little thing has me on edge right now. I keep tormenting myself about the past and how my kids are wondering if I’m going to mess up again
Oh ya, me too and mine are brutal because their dad detests me and teaches them to be incredibly disrespectful so a bit of a train wreck there. You know what gets me is being accused of drinking when I haven’t been…feels like I can’t win even when I am doing things right because that judgment doesn’t seem to go away. I’m just so mad at myself because I made it 6 months and then had a two week bender that undid all the good I had accomplished. SO DUMB!!
I totally understand!! I swear I can have a coffee mug and honestly be sipping coffee or tea. I’m accused of drinking. I know that I have caused them to feel that way but it hurts when I know I’m really trying. My Husband left me because of my drinking. I didn’t drink until I married him. He had me drink everyday with him. But I ended up getting a DUI 7 years ago. He swears he has been father of the year since. It hurts because he brags about being able to ‘handle his liquor’… I believe that’s part of my anxiety. I want to stay sober and he doesn’t. How am I supposed to work on my marriage…
Not dumb at all. We are human. Proud of you for making 6 months. I can’t remember the last time I made 6 weeks
Hey Lisa, did you make it to day 2? This app wouldn’t let me to respond to you last night because I guess they limit communications which seems a little bizarre based on people reaching out to one another for support lol! In response to your comment about your husband, Same thing happened to me…he wanted to have “a drinky” every evening and I would only drink when we’d go out on the weekend to start with and ended up starting to drink with him every night and unfortunately got hooked. He had massive anger issues also so after 20 years of putting up with it was time to get out. I hope you can work through your issues with your husband
That limit goes away once you’ve been a member for a little bit longer!
Yes. It limits you in the beginning. No I gave in today and had moscato My mom is staying with me right now and is about 75% of my anxiety. I gave in around noon and started drinking. Right now I’m about to heat up tea. But sigh … Day 1 again tomorrow
Mom’s will do that…crazy bitch since I was tiny…after my dad died she REALLY had it in for me. It’ll be ok girl, you just got to pick yourself up and try again. I was once told that it’s like having an emotional hangover and man trigger the eff out of you. I don’t know if it’s allowed or not but you can friend me on fb so you can IM when you need a friend. I have a hack I wanted to tell you about…so I really like to drink in the evening so I went and bought my favorite raspberry tea and I won’t drink anything except water and coffee during the day and give myself my sweet treat after work so I have something to look forward to. Keep in touch girl, I’m here for you