Another start only a few hours sober. Three day bender last day doing found out I have the covid. 5th of crown down in 2 hours. Night before busted my door. Last night went into a flashback of my deployment to Iraq. Was mean scary I was told but I don’t remember it. Just like many times before blackout don’t remember anything just see the results around me. It’s shameful 
I put myself and others I care about through this. I’m sorry but does it really count after you have lost everything?
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You haven’t lost yourself, and when it comes down to it, that’s what matters.
You’ve been through hell and you’re suffering. You’ve tried to numb yourself with alcohol but - like always - it doesn’t work. You can’t run forever; eventually you have to plant your feet on the ground and make your stand.
There’s lots of good threads here to help you find what you need and take steps forward. You’re also not the only vet in recovery; off the top of my head I believe @Thirdmonkey and @Yoda-Stevie are vets too (and there are many others here on Talking Sober).
Ultimately, our most valuable asset is our self. Me. That’s the asset that no one can take away from me. That means, I need to work on knowing myself and having a healthy relationship with myself.
You can do that, and you will do that, when you choose to ask for help, and take action, one day at a time (sometimes one hour at a time).
There’s lots of sobriety programs to help you. There’s www.AA.org and there are online options too:
You’ll need some help processing your PTSD too. That I don’t know much about, but if you speak with helpful folks in recovery programs and health care I’m sure you can find help.
Take care, and don’t give up. You own your self, and no one can take that away from you.
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Brother, if you still have those you care about around you, you haven’t lost everything.
I am sorry you suffer the after effects of your time defending our nation. I thank you for standing-to on the line. I am a Desert Storm veteran, and fortunately haven’t experienced what too many of your era do.
You can recover. You can rebuild. You can be a better you. You just need to once more find the will to win within you. There are many places you can find the means to win, and we can help you find them, but the will must come from you.
Are you ready to ruck up, tighten the straps, and step off? If so, let’s get after it!
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Scott (Thirdmonkey) found that camaraderie in AA when he started his recovery:
Take care. Don’t give up. Dig deep and know that the means are there - you just have to take it one step, one day at a time.
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You find great recovery and great comrades in recovery programs. AA saved my life. Don’t wanna do AA…SMART, recovery Dharma…just to name a few.
Until then, live on here…read everything you can…
Ptsd sucks…but being sober will help manage it. Plus, being sober is mutha fuckin outstanding…life is so much better
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This is when it really counts because it has to. Nowhere to go but up. Being drunk hurts, try sober. Getting sober hurts when your detoxing and when you are learning to be you again but then you get yourself back. You are worth the effort. Sending strength for another try. This could be your last day 1.
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I think it’s great you can reflect on how it impacts on you and others around you. That’s not easy to face and can make us feel worse and like giving up. Some people will avoid that coz they know they’ll be in a world of pain facing themselves.
P.s honour these feelings you’re having. Try telling yourself it’s a good thing you can see the truth…
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The best sorry is changed behaviour 
. It may take time, but you can forgive yourself, and may be surprised at the abity of others to forgive you too.
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My brother had this issue because of Iraq and Afghanistan also. He is nearly 10 years sober and started a family. His night terrors still come sometimes , but not as bad once he found peace in himself. It is easier said than done with alcohol let alone your experiences at war but a great thing I was told is don’t let your past decipher the great person you are for the present and future. You can’t repair what happened but change going forward. I know you were trained to push forward, so do so. You got this!!!
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How ya feeling today?
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Still got a hell of a headache from this covid and probably from detox as well. Going on day two of no alcohol and also day 2 of taking my ptsd meds. Don’t feel the effects but it takes a couple weeks to take effect. But overall I feel much better than I did yesterday. Gotta clean up my destruction from the days before.
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One day at a time. Keep coming back, it will help.
It’s a hard pill to swallow. To live in hell then to bring it back home with you. I’m not giving up I have too many people that need me. And I haven’t made my mark on the world yet.
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Just checking in on how things are going?
Stay sober and you won’t have to feel this way
It always counts! Awareness is such an earned gift….you are now aware from a different perspective. Life is practicing where we are and where we want to be tomorrow or the next few hours or minutes. Congratulations on your awareness of the consequences of your choices!