I know i know you are probably going to say stay in the present but its hard
Im on day 3 of making my decision of not drinking. I have this niggling anxiety about events coming up. I dont have booze to calm my nerves? What if people find me boring? What if my bf doesnt like me anymore because im not that fun girl?
Would love some feedback of anyone who felt similar
I always head over to the gratitude thread when I get anxious. Make my list. And read all the others.
Gratitude can have such a powerful impact on your life because it engages your brain in a virtuous cycle. Your brain has only so much power to focus its attention. It cannot easily focus on both positive and negative stimuli. We got so much to be grateful for when we are sober.
Daily gratitude work is my strongest tool.
https://talkingsober.com/t/daily-gratitude-the-air-of-recovery-2/150566/980
Congratulations on your 3 days.
Would say that’s a totally natural reaction. When we get sober it can be disorienting all by itself. Everything feels different, even if that different is good.
I would suggest seriously considering if you really must go to those events? Maybe it’s better to take some time to get our bearings.
I did that for at least a month when I first sobered up. It turns out it really wasn’t the end of the world to miss a few things. There would always be another one.
And with the time to settle down, I lived happy and sober enough to join them when I was ready.
It’s none of my business what other people think of me. Congrats on making a great decision.
If it’s been a while since you’ve been in a social situation without an alcohol crutch, it can certainly be intimidating. I think that the people who care about you will certainly still care about you, because they care about YOU. I think you should keep an open mind about it, and instead of worrying about how it could go wrong or be awkward consider how it could be better. I am cleverer, funnier, and better equipped to participate in social situations when I have a clear mind, and the knowledge that I have a clear mind and am in control of my self and my body diminishes some of the anxiety I feel about social situations. I also feared that my boyfriend would maybe not think I was boring, but once I quit drinking that we would have less in common and want to do different things and not create a new space for ourselves together. It’s not the case, and I have to wonder if he’s not secretly relieved because while I was enjoying myself as the fun girl I have to wonder if he dreaded having to babysit my drunk ass or deal with my shenanigans.
Oh! One other thing I try to do if I’m anxious about a social event is to drive myself separately, so I can leave if it sucks. It helps me to know I can leave any time I want to without inconveniencing anyone or asking others to leave if they’re not ready. Just like, this sucks poof
This calls to mind one of the opening verses of Ecclesiastes which reads ‘Vanity of vanity, all is vanity…’ In the original Hebrew the word vanity is translated as meaning emptiness…
Emptiness is emptiness…
Alcohol is empty and if any so called friend or significant other are offended by your sobriety then they are really just as empty to you as alcohol was too begin with…
try a meeting meet new sober friends might help wish you well
I remember my first sober events and feeling the same way. Only go if you feel up to it, maybe some more sober time under your belt will help. And generally speaking, people are less concerned than we think. Make sure you have a non alcoholic drink in hand so someone doesn’t bring you a drink. I’ve found that mocktails or soda with lime allow me to feel like I blend in for times when I don’t want to tell everyone I’m not drinking.