Does anyone here have experience with anxiety or depression? I’m questioning if I should see a doctor for multiple reasons.
I often wonder if I’m making this up in my own head. I also wonder if it’s hormones from PMS although I don’t always see a correlation between my mood and PMS, I also don’t document it. Does PMS even cause these feelings in women?
There are days when I just don’t want to to be bothered. Where I don’t want to be looked at or talked to. Today is one of those days. I want to hide from everyone and just be left alone. I don’t know what I want to do but I have a whole list of what I don’t want to do. I don’t want to make dinner for my family. I don’t want to do dishes. I don’t want to clean. I don’t want to give my son a bath. I don’t want to talk to my husband or my stepdaughter. I don’t want to talk to my son. I don’t want to get my son a snack or juice. I don’t want to go to the store. I don’t want to go out to dinner. I don’t want to do anything at all. Maybe I want to read? But I can’t concentrate. Maybe I want to write? But I’m just not feeling it. Maybe I want to sleep? But I’m not tired.
I have always had days like this. Those were my days I would drink a lot more than normal. It never helped. I don’t want to drink right now. I actually literally want to do nothing at all. Is this depression? Is this normal? Sometimes it will last for days. I felt this way yesterday too.
On top of this my heart feels like it’s racing. I can’t catch my breath. I haven’t had any more caffeine than the usual coffee in the morning. But I feel like someone is sitting on my chest and I can’t breathe. This feeling of not being able to catch my breath is a daily occurence though. Every single day as I’m about to leave work at the end of the day, and for about the first 15 minutes of my drive home, I feel this way. I can’t catch my breath, I get shaky and antsy, I feel like I’m rushed or late, I feel edgy and nervous. There are days when I can’t shake the feeling. I have gone home with an empty gas tank crossing my fingers cause I don’t even want to get out of the car to get gas. I’ve tried meditation and breathing exercises which help, but if I can’t breathe and I feel this way every single day, I would think there must be a reason behind it.
I thought that by not drinking all of this might subside and by now. I thought for a long time that I got antsy because I knew I was going home and could drink, or maybe my mood swings were from drinking too. But I’ve been sober now forty days. With the exception of maybe seven days, I’ve been sober since December 31st. Could this be from drinking? Or was I drinking because I’ve always felt this way? I’m conflicted if I should seek out a doctor or hold out longer to see how it goes with more sober days under my belt.
Had both on and off all my life! Go to your gp and they will run a scale test (well they do in the uk) to measure your symptoms. It sounds like typical symptoms to me. I found relief with meds, just to give the nervous system a rest. Antidepressants work for me, or propranolol fior anxiety to cut out the panic attacks. I have generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) plus PTSD which is why I drank! I’m so much better now and you can take back control. Good luck, you’ll be fine.
@anon67035918 I will give the meditation another go around. I started it a few months ago but did not keep up with it like I wanted to. I found it really difficult to start a habit of doing it regularly.
I do not have a regular doctor but it might be time to find one.
@Sinbad thank you for the advice and support! Much appreciated. Might be time for me to find a doctor. I was hoping someone would say, that’s normal don’t worry about it. But I guess I knew already that it’s not normal if I felt like I had to ask.
Having bad days is normal. I felt like you describe a lot for a long time. It came and went and was broadly manageable, didn’t interfere too much. I went to the doctor’s when it became unmanageable and started interfering. I gave it a month to see if it would get better on its own and it didn’t, that’s when I went to the doctor.
I was given antidepressants and I’m not sure if they’ve helped the depression, or if that’s just the natural ebb and flow of things. I don’t feel great often but I don’t feel horrendous all the time. I’m slowly getting back to a place where I can start building healthier habits back into my life.
Lots of things have changed for me since stopping drinking and it will take time for everything to settle. I’m on the waitlist for a referral to CBT (frustratingly slow where I live, although friends in other parts of the UK have had a much more positive experience). I didn’t realise how much anxiety I was carrying, the medication has definitely helped with that.
This is my experience, it’s not intended as advice because it is impossible to say what is normal for you.
I’d reccomend the book/audiobook ‘feeling good’ by David Burnes.
A huge amount can be accomplished with mindfulness, for both anxiety and depression. I find many people are quick to reach for medication when CBT has been proven many times in studies to be more effective.
I know for my own anxiety and depression, after a month of not only reading but putting into practice what I read, I’ve gone from shaking and stumbling to get words out when spoken to, to today where I could walk into a room of strangers and happily hold conversation.
'How to be yourself: quiet your inner critic’is another great read. I choose audiobooks as I’m often driving and a half hour here and there soon adds up.
I have a CBT book which I need to try. I got into meditation and never read it.
I built a fantastic daily yoga and meditation practice up last year which I sustained for about 3 months (although had been meditating daily and doing weekly yoga since the start of the year). Then the depression really hit around November/December. Am just getting back into meditation, yoga will be next.
Mindfulness is great but it isn’t always the answer. Just like medication isn’t the answer for everyone I guess. Mental health is so complicated!
I think sometimes we can put too much pressure on ourselves, so even when doing good things like yoga and meditation we are heaping pressure on ourselves that we need to keep it up, or we need to do it too feel good etc. And it’s not balanced/healthy.
Agreed - although acting at way below full capacity (a complicated concept - perceptions and expectations abound!) doesn’t feel great, learning to live on the terms life serves up is so important. It’s definitely a process though. Full of steps forward and lots of steps back!
This is such a good point. I agree with everything you said here. It can be so easy to think “other people say this really helps them, what am I doing wrong because its not helping me?!”
I have found that being open to trying things helps. Experimenting with stuff. So maybe yoga didnt work, but how about going for a run? Or just a walk?
Maybe your anxiety is so bad that reading is a no go, but how about listening to a audiobook because then you can be less active with it?
Keep trying stuff until you find things that work.
The anxiety depression combo is such a tough one to deal with (I’ve had it for as long as I can remember).
When I’m at peak anxious I cant focus on anything and just have to wait for the worst of it to pass and when I’m peak depressed I cant bring myself to do anything.
My therapist says to just give myself little wins when I’m like this. If I was able to get out of bed at my worst? That is a win and should be treated like one. It stops me beating myself up too much, which I am world class at.
Thanks for the book suggestions. I’m a huge fan of reading. Anything I can do to learn how to cope the better I think it will make me feel.
I think that seeing a doctor might be the next step that I need. Therapy sounds like something I could get onboard with if I just force myself to make the time for it. It’s so unfortunate that mental health support is not as accessible as it should be. Insurance doesn’t pay for any of it and I certainly don’t have time to take off of work to see someone regularly. How does anyone fit this into their schedules?? It might be time though to figure it out. I’m not doing myself, family, or job any favors by feeling and acting the way that I have been.
Medication really scares me. I’ve heard mixed things about medication for anxiety or depression. I personally don’t feel bad enough to medicate but I’m scared I’m losing what little control I thought I had over my feelings.
I just wish I could feel normal. I wish I didn’t lose my breath all the time and not know why. I wish I didn’t lose my breath every day when I leave work. I wish I could go to the store without being scared. I wish I didn’t have days where I hate everyone. I wish that I never have days where I want to hide in my closet for an hour and a half because I just can’t do anything anymore. Is there such a thing???
