I feel compelled to tell my story from the perspective of a child who has been a victim of meth use by their parent. I am a 37yr old female and my mother is 55. My mother suffers from meth induced psychosis and refuses to acknowledge it. She thinks that there are government officials who wear invisible suits that spy on her in the trees near her apartment windows even though she has moved to e different residences in the last 1.5 yrs and the men in the treesbfollow her wherever she goes…even to a city 6 hours away from her comfort zone. She covers up her peep holes in her front door and I have seen numerous ways where she has tried to keep the bad people from infiltrating her life such as duct tape on small crevices in her home like the corners of her bathroom counter… She has tape covering small spaces where there could not possibly be someone invading her privacy through. It is absolutely paranoia and psychosis and she refuses to believe it. But because I am the only child who lives the closest to her and that has the willingness to help her I am stuck with helping her through her trials even though she doesn’t believe that her meth use has anything to do with her paranoia. It is heart-wrenching to see her go through this and her not accept the reality of her situation. I understand what she is going through minus the paranoia because crystal meth was my drug of choice at a point in my life many years ago. But it wasn’t long before I realized that this was a really really bad thing for my life. Sadly at 55 years old she still has not realized that her life is so much better without that. Without that she would need to take responsibility for her life and her actions and she is not ready to do that. So instead she projects her failures onto her children like myself and I’m over being the victim of her iniquities. Unfortunately I know all too well that the feelings your children have regarding your addiction do not have much bearing on your level of dedication to sobriety. I’m only speaking as someone who has had experience with a parent who has suffered from a lifetime of meth abuse(xanax, oxy’s, lortab, etc) and going to prison for meth Manufacturing and she still doesn’t take responsibility for herself and her actions. My pastors have mentioned frequemtly about generational curses of which i have had difficulty with reversing despite my diligent efforts. Please keep fightingm its not just you that you are fighting for.
Hey bro, I’m clean off it 9 Months. It was very hard, but it’s possible! Hit me up if you want to talk! Peace and hang tight…
Fuck man you just told my story I’ve been trying to get clean on and off for over 20 years.Ive got 139 days sober almost screwed up a few times but thankfully I didn’t.Dont give up its not to late .
Hey bro, I’m clean off it 9 Months. It was very hard, but it’s possible! Hit me up if you want to talk! Peace and hang tight…
@Thumper1213 You’re doing so well… Thanks for your reply, it’s what I need to hear. And it’s so good to hear from a long time user too.
Im 4 days sober lol… I don’t know how im going to go , I had a dirty whack 4 days ago and it was enough to put me off for now and I haven’t had an urge really yet, which spins me out. Even my dealer hasn’t been able to tempt me with freebies. My body telling me no maybe . I installed a sobriety ap and here I am.
How do you feel now that you’re so long clean? Do you drink or smoke dope ? I’ve stopped smoking dope too which I was using most days. I’ve surprised myself but we will see I guess. Thanks for the reply, I really like this ap and forum , it’s the only support I’ve accessed can you believe , in 25 years using.
I am 30 days sober but 8 months off meth. I had to leave…go to rehab. Its the only way to get off that merry go round…I also attend AA meetings. It really makes you feel like your not the only one…I quit smoking 4 days ago but gambled most of my check this week. I feel like I am under attack from my mind. Somewhere inside I know how lovely it is to disconnect from the world and others around us…unfortunately, we will waste our lives and relationships in the process. My advise is get some outside resources. I see a psych, go to meeting and have a sponsor…it is truly our only way out of meths grip on us…good luck and know that you r not alone…
Congratulations on 4 days!For me after a hard binge I usually never wanted to go right back and get high . I always felt guilty and shameful for letting those down I Love.It was always when things were getting better when I would fuck up.When I stopped this time I really fucking wanted to stay stopped. I wanted the chaos out of my life And I wanted to stop hurting the ones who really loved me. I had to cut the old using friends out of my life that doesn’t mean I don’t care about some of them but I will never stay clean with people still using around me…For me I joined a 12 step program and got fucking honest with someone. I won’t bullshit it ain’t been always easy but it’s been worth it!It is possible to change it just takes some work. I wish you the best stay in touch 
Thank you for the support … I know what you mean about not needing to get back on it after a binge and I know im probs at one of the easiest phases of this recovery stint… Full of enthusiasm and that. I spent 6 months off it last year , but I had to move interstate and sadly when I came back home I fell in the same stupid patterns. Im so over it. I hope im growing out of it lol. Im sick of feeling guilty and all of that waste of money. Im too old for this shit lulz . Time will tell I guess
I knew what was going on with my father from a very young age. Prolly about 5years old. My mom never said things like that but did always answer questions very honestly when i had them. No parent should ever talk bad or down about another parent. You made that child together your both equal regardless of mistakes. Talk to your son explain to him some of your feelings and struggles. He understands more than you know
My father is also like this. Its so hard to help when they cant take responsibility. I so desperately want to save him but i cant
@Burk it is extremely frustrating and disappointing. Even my 15 yr old can point out abnormal things about her grandmother and she has lost all respect for her grandmother bc of this situation. Im at a loss. I have no other tools in my kit to use to help her. She even thinks God hates her even though i reassure her always that God is always ther for her if she just truly reaches out to him. He is my rock and He is the only way I will recover from my addiction.
I found that god never is there for you when your an addict. Its always struggles and another step back. She probably has never been sober to see god to help n be on her side… you cant knock it till ya try it…
Thanks for the help and input. I talked to my son and tried to assure him that daddy isn’t a bad guy daddy just had a problem and is getting it worked out. He seems happier knowing that and cones around me more wanting to play. Never would have guessed how much he actually understands without knowing the full picture
@staytech i had a shitty experience which i regret immensely…i de
Drove very drunk for about 15 miles with my 3 kids in the car. They were scared shitless. I hit curbs, i almost sideswiped a semi truck, and i stopped in a parking lot and told them they were going to meet my friend but friend never showed up bc i didnt text or call anyone that night. Idk what friend i would have been talking about. I said things to my kids that hurt them that night. And they were crying by the time we got home in fear for their lives. They were holding hands and telling each other it would be ok. I had alot of damage control to do the next day. Only one of my kids live with me…2 were visiting me for the summer and this happened the first 2 weeks they were visiting. dCF came knocking on my door when my 9 yr old son was so distraught about it 2 months later that his therapist his dad has him going to found out about it. One would think that their kids fearing for their life in your hands would be enough to stop the addiction. Sadly…it still wasnt enough. Luckily DCF didnt push the issue when i got a lawyer to defend me but my kids dont feel safe with me anymore. I talked to them about my addiction and they seem to understand as much as kids are able to but its so not fair to them to put them in that situation. I will forever carry that guilt with me.
Basic text bro hit a meeting get a fucking sponsor talk to ppl with time I slammed meth on an off I’m a heroin addict but I know meth too it’s a drug an the only solution is in our readings
Hey how are you going?
Are you still seeing Psychologist? Any good?
Hope your doing ok.
I’m 66days meth free.
If you ever need to talk feel free to send me a message.
I’m doing ok. Just very busy and tired with school and all that. How have u been
Im 12 days in
I understand this is an old thread, but I wanted to share what ended up helping my wife and me after 5 years of almost daily use (smoking). Like I mentioned, we started smoking meth close to 6 years ago. During that time I was able to hold onto my job while she remained a stay at home mom, we have 3 kids between us, 1 from her previous marriage, 1 from a previous relationship of mine and 1 we made together. It can be more difficult to quit when the person you rely on to help you is stuck in the same addiction.
After fucking up so much of my life, including losing my job I decided I’ve had enough and went for detox/inpatient rehab, the plan was for me to do my treatment, while was my wife staid home with the kids and by the time I was done she had to have the house completely clean off the substance so I could return and take care of the kids while she went in herself but I only lasted about 4 days in that shit hole of a place. I was mostly surrounded by alcoholics and their 12-step programs and the like relied on a faith approach, I am an atheist so I found that to be less than ideal for my recovery, there were many other reasons I disliked that place and decided to leave against medical advise.
My wife picked me up and asked to take me to a nearby motel where I spent a week sleeping, watching tv, drinking a bit of booze to ease up my nerves, but i mainly ate a ton of food and slept a lot.
Little by little I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I began to reach out to friends while I was still at the motel and so they could visit me and I could be honest of what had been going on in my life.
Once ashamed of what I had become I began to open up and made me feel like I could finally move on.
Once the week had gone by I returned to a clean home and my wife staid home so she could sleep and rest herself while I took care of the kids. We’ve been sober for about 6 months now.
So, if you’re like me and feel like a rehab environment is not for you, try to find another place where you can safely rest, nourish yourself and above all lose contact with the source of the drug, whether friends or the dark web (latter for me).
Like someone already said, think about it almost daily, but I feel the cravings have become less and less intense and now they simply serve as a reminder of how good and how bad an addiction can become.
I smoke weed almost nightly now, that plus finding activities i like to do keep me distracted.
I don’t discourage anyone from seeking treatment from a certified detox or rehab center, in my case however that didn’t seem like the right choice or atmosphere for me.
Wish you the best.