I feel you my friend, and I want you to know that you’re not alone. I had a binge this weekend too and I’m not proud of it and I’ve had some cries. Crying is good because it means you’re feeling the things that you are normally trying to escape.
You’re still here, you’re still trying to quit. Think about how strong that makes you! We have a choice to love with our addiction passively which is comfortable and going out of our way to become free and it’s likely the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Take a moment to process how great this is that you are accomplishing!
You are better than this. Just because we do things we don’t agree with doesn’t mean we are bad people, we just haven’t learned how to quit yet. We’re all just children and it’s okay to fall down before we learn how to walk.
You’ve got this, Sarah, and every single person on this forum is here to help you earn the clean life you deserve.
As much as hating what you see in the mirror, that will take a lot of time to heal. It’s not this magical “I will choose to love myself no matter what I look like” - I’ve been there and it’s okay to feel that way for awhile, but remember that you’re all you’ve got. Practice looking yourself in the eye every day and telling yourself “I love you” and I couldn’t do it the first few days but now it’s something I look forward to.
My heart goes out to you - you are worth it and you deserve it !
It’s crazy how much our personal sense of worth can be tied up in our weight.
It can affect anyone.
You’re still that model.
Things may look a little different, but nothing that some work can’t change… Same for all of us… We’ve all got work to do.
And the only way to get work done is to simply start.
Doesn’t have to be big, it just has to be something.
Nobody is judging you, Sarah. It’s only embarrassing because you didn’t know how hard this would be right now and you thought you’d do better.
We’ve all been here one way or another and it’s fine to feel embarrassed. We love you anyway and we will help you get over this little bump. You’re strong to be here and to keep talking about this. You’ll be okay eventually. We are here for you and one day you’ll be here for us or for someone else too. Hang in there, we need you too
I can’t even tell my friends I’m fighting this alone. I feel stupid and a failure. I’m supposed to be glamorous hoe the fuck do I earn my money coz my image is supposed to be “pretty” this I’d do weird.
No you’re not. You are living with an addiction, and like all addictions do, it is trying to take over your life.
It is time for the addiction to go.
You are not alone in being a model who struggles with addiction. Stella did as well and shares her story here:
You need help. There is good help here on Talking Sober but you can dive deeper in a group of some type (for example these ones: Resources for our recovery), or a rehab (that can be very helpful in the early days when you’re trying to get some traction), and a counsellor. It’s helpful to have someone to help you keep track of yourself.
All the things you mentioned about weight and health and habits etc are just symptoms of a deeper problem, related to love and acceptance of yourself in this unpredictable world. You’re a perfectly imperfect being, and you’re learning what that means, and you’re learning how to be healthy without numbing through booze.
Take care and don’t give up. Keep coming here and sharing. The checkin thread is helpful for that:
The hate comes from a dark place. And it’s always more about what’s going on inside than out. No reason to be embarrassed. Life can take a toll on people. Like I said. We must adapt and overcome. And we can. You can.
It can be tough finding the self love right now after a big binge. I feel the same way when I try to get back to be sober after a few days of binging. That first day is always one of self loathing and feeling like I am an idiot and a failure. Lots of emotions come out and I can go from happy to crying in a matter of minutes. Its a tough one to get through. Being here though and talking with all of these wonderful people. That is a step in the right direction. Just try to focus on not drinking right now and to let all the emotions run their course. It will get better. We are all here to help, we know what it’s like. Just know you are never alone in this.
Same here nearly got to 20 days then bam! Been binging for near a week, seeing my psychiatrist I think the pressure of that tipped me, so starting my clock again and checking in here, you are not alone, let’s try again
at this time in your journey.
🪞
