Day 131 do you ever find that those around you resent growth after you find sobriety? I used to be such a crap person and now I am trying so hard to be better. Donating time, being kind, got a different job, getting a higher education. My significant other is now not being supportive. He is at least indifferent. He was sober until yesterday. He doesn’t want change. He keeps saying he is getting stupid while I get smart. I just want to be a better person. I have destroyed so many lives while drinking. I am finding a higher purpose and I like it. He wants to stay the same. I want to encourage him to grow but he is not open to it. I want to keep growing but he is not encouraging. It’s hard to keep forging a path without support. I have few friends so he is what little support I have. Help.
@anon69871201 put it beautifully, this is YOUR journey. Putting judgement in where he is at right now won’t accomplish much of anything. I had to learn to keep my focus on ME and my sobriety…my husband is responsible for himself. Until I could truly grasp that, I could not get free from resentment that ‘He wasn’t supporting Me’ and ‘How can I get sober with someone drinking around me’…I needed to truly own my own shit and let go if trying to control the situation. Man, it was a hard lesson, but a really helpful one. Stay strong and focus on what you can control…YOU.
I am owing my shit. I can’t force him to make desicions. However I can decide if they are good for me. If I am forging a path of health and am being held back then I have to move on. I have been an alcoholic my whole life. With him for 6 years. I don’t want to drink again and if he said he was going to be sober and then decides not to I can decide not to have it around. Right? I don’t want to give up or judge. I want him to come to terms. I don’t want to fail in the process or be the only one nurturing my growth. I am a cheerleader for myself, but it’s exhausting being the only one. Ugh…
While I dont have this experience per se…I have known many people who only feel good about themselves when they can put down others. So when they don’t have that anymore they resent you for being “better than everyone else” when no one ever made that claim. So hypocritical and frustrating.
That is it. I am growing and learning. He is not. I feel like in doing so he is mad at me. He keeps saying now that I am better than him, I know everything which is not true. I am getting therapy, going to classes, doing dbt, meditating, leaving past in past, and trying to better communicate. It will get better at it won’t I suppose. I want things to work, but statistically when 1 person gets sober and the other person chooses not to they either get drunk together or split.