Day 38 here. Enjoying sober life, as opposed to non-sober life. I am enjoying this forum, and what it represents to me: Addicts at different points in their sobriety sharing their experiences, triumphs and defeats. I understand that we all have differences. Different addictions, but we do share one thing in common: A desire to be free.
I’ve met some beautiful souls here. Genuine people. Givers, not takers.
I am happy, not “high”. I am happy because I am once again at the wheel of my life, rather than lashed to the mast, waiting for the storm to pass.
I was sharing a PM with one of the great people I’ve connected with here. I shared that the bloom is starting to fall from the rose. I don’t know if I’ve just become cognizant of it, or it’s just popped up. I’ve noticed a bunch of negativity of late.
I’ve trained for war, and fought a war. A real one with bullets and bombs and bad guys. I’ve been in the suck, and I know that a positive mental attitude and a will to win are the bedrock of successful mission accomplishment.
Nattering Nabobs of Negativism can destroy a team, sink a ship, or wreck a relationship.
If you’ve never eaten a Blue Claw Crab, you’re missing out. I love them, and have caught many a crab myself. Nothing is better than bringing home a 5 gallon bucket full of them. They are fascinating creatures. I’ve spent a good deal of time just watching them, in between checking my traps. I don’t claim to be a crab expert, but I am an aficionado.
A crab will move to the edge of the bucket. He can’t move any further, so he stops. Another will try to climb on top to get out of the bucket, but the first crab will grab a leg or a claw and hold the 2nd crab down. Soon, most of the crabs are all stuck together, stacked one on top of the other. Finally, a crab will get high enough to get a claw over the rim of the bucket, and will start to pull itself out. Either one of two things will happen at this point. Either the crab will get free of the bucket, and run to the edge of the dock, back to freedom. I might catch it, and put it back in the bucket. or it might make it to freedom. But another thing might happen too: just as that crab is about to get free, another crab reaches up and pulls it down, back into the bucket.
The bucket is my life with alcohol. It’s where I am trapped. I’ve gotten over the rim a bunch of times, but have been caught and put back in the bucket, by what placed me in the bucket in the first place: Alcohol. The first time I got caught in a trap. Every other time has been because I let it catch me as I ran for the water. I’m out of the bucket, back on the dock. Been running for the edge for 38 days. Alcohol is trying to catch me, put me back in the bucket and I won’t let it.
Another thing, I won’t let another crab pull me back down either. They may be content to sit in the bucket and determined to have company. I am not. There’s plenty of room on the dock, but I’ve got no place in my life for the bucket, or the crabs in it.
needed to see this today!! Congratulations on day 38!!!