I was told that I have anger issues… I for the most part try to avoid arguments or confrontation…I also have been told that I am misunderstood and very passionate…. This is where I 2nd guess myself…
has anyone ever told you that you have anger issues ?
YES. and I do struggle w anger issues but also being autistic I am very passionate and blunt and honest ab my opinions, being highly opinionated has made many people put off by me so that just fuels the fire.
I had anger issues when I was drinking all the time… has to do with the nervous system, if i had to make a guess.
I have anger issues. I’ve been arrested and have successfully completed anger management therapy. I suggest looking for groups in your area. When I am sober I am more in control, when I was drinking…let’s just say that people used to call it “the demon.” The most important thing I learned in anger management is that anger is a perfectly normal and healthy emotion to have. We do often look down on aggression in this society, but it is a part of us as people. The important thing to do is “act, not react.” Don’t simply react to a situation based on initial agitation, stop, take a moment to calm down and then make a rational decision when you aren’t in fight or flight mode. Also when you react in anger make sure that you own up and take responsibility for your actions with a sincere well thought apology. Compassion has helped me. Finding compassion for other people regardless of who they are and what they may have done to irritate you.
I’m sure we have all in the day to day been the source of someone else’s irritation. We have to move on with fearless compassion and forgiveness, so that we can save our energy for the task at hand, which is life. Choosing sobriety and forgiveness I believe is the way to a much happier existence.
Hope this helps.
My husband (also an alcoholic) had anger issues and I never thought he could change. With the help of AA, a sponsor and the steps he’s completely changed. He uses a pause method and calmly thinks it through before reacting. He came to terms with the fact that he’d rather be happy than be right.
60 days tomorrow and all this week it’s been like my fuse has been cut short
I have bad anger issues sometimes i feel i live in anger. There are times i feel i will never get it under control. I tell people please don’t let me bring out me evil 
angry 
twin cause she can be a bitch you don’t want to meet.
Reckognising myself in the painting above, Balo’s “Anger Soul” was what got me to decide to get clean in the first place.
Definately some anger issues, partially because of later diagnosed autism, partially because of longlasting stress, partially because more and more I had been losing myself.
Now 3 years and 2 months sober and no anger at all.
I have anger issues, Under the influence of alcohol that could lead to aggression. Never recognized myself in that person, looking back that’s the main reason I kept searching wbu I did the things the way I did them. frustration and anger build up through time while doing so, knocking a lot of doors, therapists/family). Somehow the anger is practically gone since the important feelings behind my PTSS are acknowledged and validated. Sometimes I have the thought of sending one of my abusers (I knocked on his door 6 years ago during one of my treatments trying to get some acknowledgment but he kept death silent so I put it away again): “do you jump or do I need to come over to push you”, but it’s just a thought, he’s not worth it. Somehow after such a thought I feel pitty, empathy and compassion. Makes me think I must have gotten insane, since the impact on my life and indirect on others is immense.
I would say that I used to have anger issues, but it’s not necessarily something that is as prominent or triggered now that I’m living a sober life. The correlation between alcohol & my temper was a bit of an eye-opener, and it was something that was more susceptible to coming out while I was intoxicated. I ended up losing my temper on a couple of occasions, which is part of the reason that I’ve ended up going through a major relationship breakdown earlier this year, and thus, part of the reason why I’ve decided to give up drinking.
I’d still say that my temper is present, but it is something that I am able to hold a firm grasp over nowadays. I’m better with managing situations or potential conflicts now that I’m thinking rationally and logically. Like most of us, it’s a journey that you can only take one day at a time, and with each day, I’m recognising my faults & making a conscious effort in order to improve & better myself, but also my quality of life.
My anger issues became a lot better since I live separted from my husband and we reduce contact to the bare minimum. He is an alcoholic and his permanent drinking, letting me down and my feeling of being alone in a relationship, hurt and failed led to frustration, irrational anger up to getting furious just to cope with the stress, trauma and grief.
I learned that my anger arrouses when my inner values are hurt, my feelings are not validated or I feel abandoned. It’s a lot easier for me to be angry than sit with feelings of being vulnerable and coming up with healthy boudaries instead of building a raging wall of aggression around my hurt soul.
Look behind your anger, there might be a person who needs love, compassion, a hug and rest.
Sending you hugs and good vibes 
I had a lot of anger management issues.
I have done things I deeply regret. Things that truly made me hate myself.
I’ve learned that it stems from my autism for a big part. I struggle with strong negative emotions. I can’t deal with a lot of them at a time. It’s easy to overload me. And since I couldn’t contain that many emotions, aggression was the fastest way to let them out.
But I’ve had a ton of therapy. It’s taken the edge of. I’m no longer always full of negative emotions, so my limit is higher. And I’m more conscious of my behaviour, so I can still keep myself from doing things I’ll regret most of the time.
Thank you
Reading yours is like reading myself. I see that my anger and frustration is more now that i am trying to become sober from alcohol ( 1y 1m 3d) & weed which is my biggest struggle been smoking since i was 17 and i am now 51, and it has been a sun up to sun down habit and up to a 500$ a week habit!! I am now on my 6th relapse and 62 days clean.
My frustration and anger is so hard to keep at bay now that I don’t smoke it away and add the alcohol to numb the rest of my body. Then trying to control my eating addiction on top of controlling my substance abuse is so exhausting and intense i just want to smoke and numb my thoughts away 
Day man…. I’m glad you’re here and trying ! Keep up the good work
Raised by an angry father I was sometimes, too many, a very angry man myself. Especially when drunk. The things I’ve said, done, the pain, the shame, the regrets.
Weed, my favorite drug, wasn’t better because when I had withdrawal symptoms I was quite unbearable. On holydays, weekend away or
simply every f#€¥$π¢ morning until the first joint. I was the “don’t talk to me before 11am” type 
Now I’m alright. Because I’m clean, but also because I’ve worked on it.
I have thought about this a lot, as a few topics concerning anger issues have come up on here recently…and it reminded me of my (mostly) younger self and especially my drinking and drugging self.
Like you, I avoided confrontation and didn’t like to rock the boat, I am also (still) very passionate. And I also had a wicked temper and tendency to severely lash out, especially when drinking. I was also a drunk crier. All those emotions I drank at (repressed)…sadness, anger, rage, frustration, fear…they needed somewhere to go and they went inside til they came out…drinking both repressed them and heightened them and had me releasing them in an unhealthy and unproductive and pretty unconsious way for a long long time.
There was so much I had never dealt with. Raised to be a ‘good girl’ and navigating life and sexual, emotional, physical abuse along the way…plus just every day emotions…it took me a very long time to work thru my stuff as opposed to drinking or using at it. I was a one step forward, two steps back person for decades. The babiest of baby steps. Learning that emotions will come and go if we allow them to and that all of them are part of being human…neither good nor bad…seems simple, but it wasn’t for me.
Sobriety and recovery allow me the space, clarity and calmed parasympathetic nervous system to finally release a lifetime of emotions and pain in a healthy and healing way. And to allow emotions to come and go in the present.
Sobriety and recovery also allow me to work on being less passive aggressive (a side effect of my non confrontational people pleasing persona) and less reactionary (whoa could I ‘fly off the handle’ when ‘passionate’ about something).
All still a work in progress of course, but I am consciously aware and kinder to myself thru my process and understand I am human. Compassion for myself is so healing and necessary.
Some of this as well I consider as part of my aging and maturity process. As an older woman, the lack of certain hormones allows a new clarity and perspective that was once elusive…which I find incredibly fascinating. The combination of sobriety, age (and life experience) and being post menopausal offers a lot of opportunities for reflection.
As usual, I am incapable of a short answer. 
You have some wonderful responses here. Thanks for sharing. 
Thank you…….same to you.
Your story and mine are very similar the only difference is my dad was a very happy drunk and we knew how to get things from him, just bring dad a drink.
Glad you have things under control now.
I am on my 6th relapse from weed and i too weed is my biggest problem since i was 17 from min i woke up to the min I shut my eyes. I am now 51.
Thank you for your share, it is very eye opening and it tells me a lot. I was agreeing to a lot of what you were saying. It makes me feel good to know that some of these things i could be feeling are me also going through the change of life. I don’t know what it’s like I don’t have really anyone in family to ask. My mom passed away at 69 that was 7 yrs ago and most of the other living female in family had their insides taken out or are way younger then me. So see i am taking this part of life blindly and now going through recovery i don’t know how much of my issues are recovery or life. And now i am taking on a 6-8 week class for chronic pain management.
Thank you so so much:orange_heart:
I am sorry about your Mom.
I found not a lot of people talk about perimenopause or menopause and what to expect. Perimenopause can certainly effect our emotions x 100…just as our regular monthly can…but perimenopause stuff just shows up whenever hormones dip or rise…so it can definitely make us emotional roller coasters. Sobriety helps a lot for sure. So did getting in physical activity.
