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I have heard people say, several times (and I don’t believe this is diagnostically accurate, but it seems to make some kind of sense), that we “freeze” in our emotional development when we start using as an addict. That we stunt in some sort of way. That has seemed to make sense to a number of fellows I’ve met in the program, anyway.
Perhaps you are catching up, sorting out, cleaning house? Well, maybe your brain and it’s chemicals and signals are?
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I signed up not to drink… Not to have to have feelings!
This is obvi a mistake. I will have to talk to the manager about this.
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I would venture to guess there were certain feelings you originally had that you sought to numb through drinking. Perhaps they are trying to surface now so you can deal with them and sort them all out. I have been sober for a year at a time, couple years at most throughout my life and experienced similar unexpected and unwanted feelings. At which point I would numb through something other than alcohol or drugs till it stopped doing the trick and I inevitably went back to drinking. Crying is a good thing. It cleanses the soul. Maybe all those years of holding in has finally caught up with you…? I always tend to think there is something deeper. Some root cause (pain/betrayal/deep wound usually) that leads people to numb through drinking and drugs. But maybe I’m overanalyzing…* shrug *
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My last relapse of 11 months had a purpose behind it. I was attempting to avoid the grief associated with my decision to end my Ma’s life-support, avoid dealing with feelings of guilt for not seeing her much during my adulthood, which was because of the painful memories if having been raised by a non-abusive, mentally-ill, alcoholic single-mother.
Didn’t work out so well. I withdrew, shut-down emotionally, lost all passion, ambition, self-motivation. I was present but absent. Really tried my wife’s patience, and caused her great concern. I refused to allow myself to experience joy, because it meant I was opened to experiencing those feelings I was trying to avoid. My wife called me her “vulcan husband”.
I like this better. I like being happy and optimistic again. I like having drive, and initiative, and goals. I like being able to see the blessings in my life. It’s not all puppies and ice cream and I have challenging moments that try my patience, but I can deal with them, instead of avoiding them.
I also came to terms with my Mother’s passing. Prayer got me further in 53 days than 11 months of drinking did. I realized all the drinking did was hold me back.
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That is very well put. It is exactly what has been happening for a couple of weeks now with me. Ever since I unearthed “you know what”, every horrible emotion I have drank and drugged to numb has surfaced with a vengeance. Now I have to feel all that stuff and work through it to heal. It sucks. I came very close to buying a bottle of liquor today. I met with my sponsor this morning and got my panties in a wad because she said she doesn’t think I am ready to move on to step 3 after all the work I am putting in. I was pissed. I go to a least one meeting a day, stay in contact with others in recovery, journal, do my step work, read my big book and talk with her daily. I’m just wondering what I am doing wrong. All my step 4 stuff is surfacing but, I am not past step 2, and therefore, unequiped to handle it. I just had to pray and get my head right. Sorry to go off on a tangent but it just came out. I think it is time to go get a good nights rest…lol.
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Oh my god me too. Emotions are so effing exhausting!! But necessary I know.
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Lol… try laughing at someone 's terrible story… only to realize your not at an AA meeting.
Ugh… I’ve done that twice.
I feel ya. I’m pretty much a numb person. Alcohol use to make me happy, sad, mad etc., But I had emotions. I don’t really laugh much but I find myself crying again. I think I’m just in a funk. I’m 334 days out.
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Happens sometimes, and it’s actually a good thing. When we stuff emotions sooner or later it comes back to bite us. They need to come out kow and again. Took me 11 months before I wept over my Mother’s death. I stuffed it and numbed it with alcohol. Not good.
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Not to take away from the thread but disposable thongs. Lol. I litterally just spit water everywhere. 
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Goat, why did you delete everything?
Csun WTF is up with the thongs…
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My head just exploded
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