Thank you.
It does suck. I’m ok with the old dog girl and it sucking. It was definitely her time. Still so hard. Super grateful I’m sober and unfortunately grateful to see so many people here handle it before me. Sober.
My trouble is I can’t mourn with my wife. And I can’t even comfort her. Some days I can’t even look at her. She’s drinking it away for now. And I try not to judge because when Max died 10-12 years ago I was on a bender for a couple of weeks that almost killed me. I’m so grateful to be sober with this one. But I feel all alone. All alone in the house with her dealing with it the only way she knows how. Anyway…… I’ll give it time.
I finally set a boundary today that I’m not going out to lunch if she’s drinking. I’m not trying to control it. I’m just removing myself from her lunchtime drinking. You know we go out to eat all the time. It’s our lifestyle. I let her have one more lunch out drinking. She picked today. I thought that was more than fair.
Anyway. I’m trying to go back to basics. And one thing that struck me is. “If I’m not the problem, then there is no solution.” Like I mentioned. I hate that saying!! My problem is I go out to lunch. She drinks. I hate the rest of the day. She always says she’ll try and do better. Ya right. By dinner she’s on her 6 glass of wine and knocking back 8-10 before the days over. I don’t have to count. It’s a pattern. So, she can still go out to lunch alone and drink. Not gonna happen. Or she can drink at home for lunch. Which doesn’t usually happen. Not til 2 or 3 and I’ll deal with that when it comes to it. And I really need to do this for me.
Sorry to go on.
Now about that podcast.
It’s called The Recovery Show.
Plug in episode 347 in the search box. About half way through a lady calls in with her story. She keeps trying to fix her husband etc……
These podcasts has been a life saver for me.
For first one I searched for was Compassion. Because I had none at all for her. I loved it. Then I started listening to it regularly. I’ve even written in a couple of times. And he’s mentioned me. I love it. Sometimes I think I get more from it than an Al-Anon meeting. It’s all Al-Anon principles. And Spencer’s voice is so soothing. His partner in this episode is Eric. I love him too.
Boy I went on. Guess I had to get some shit out here. Been a rough couple of weeks. But no reason to drink.
Thanks for being you and sharing your stuff. It helps knowing I’m not alone. I wish we could fix our spouses but the reality is. We can’t fix anyone but ourselves.
