Och. This is so sad. I remember parts of this story from your thread. It’s sad. I hope he gets back in touch. Sadly you’ll have to reckon for the case he does not. In a better world, you guys could have contact. But it probably would have been too hard on him, being constantly confronted with his father’s disinterest in him. Heartbreaking.
Hope you can find some rest tonight. x
Alisa, I’m really proud of you for sharing, such a big part of your story. What does Brene Brown say? “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” It took a lot of courage. I think she also says vulnerability is the birthplace of change and growth, or something like that? Well it took a lot of courage to make yourself vulnerable, and I only hope the load is lightened a little. Thank you so much for opening up, for trusting us. 
All of you? @TrustyBird, @Deelzebub, @Faugxh, @Alisa, @MrsOdh, and anyone else I’ve forgotten?
I could fill this thread up with how I’ve been affected by my siblings’ antics, but boundaries have worked so well there, so there’s not much point. As for my parents? I have no complaints. They were/are human, for sure, but also the two dearest people on earth to me.
My heart breaks at how your parents have not shown up. Mad hot tears. How your parents have missed out on you. Missed out on loving and celebrating some of the most amazing women, individuals, that the online or real world could ever put in my path. I’m sorry for your loss. For their loss.
Hell, if we’re goin’ for coffee? (I’m a coffee shop gal, @Dazercat), I’m buying. Big hugs, you dear souls. 
Thank you so much for sharing a part of your story with us.
It really touched me and it showed a lot i can still learn. Tank you.
Thank you to all of you who read, commented, or sent thoughts through the universe. I appreciate it all.
@M-be-free49 the word “vulnerable” and “vulnerability” was in my mind the whole time I was writing.
I ended up not using it because it was late and I was dictating primarily.
Partly thinking about @Faugxh and her feelings about possibly seeing her family and what I was going to write to her, and about my brother and Sil meet up, also about all of us, each of us, who have written on the thread here or elsewhere.
Our selves are exposed and that is a good thing.
I quit drinking not too long after my 27th bday. This is one of the first times I really thought about exactly how old I was when I quit. Like was I 26 almost 27 or 27 almost 28. Actually right at 27 and that makes me feel good because it’s a significant number in my life.
It was very much time, I had certainly had my share.
Love all of you and wish you all the best with each of your days. The good days, the bad days, the wonderful days, the awful days.
Big hugs. xoxo.
I know that no one would choose the disease of alcoholism, and that gives me compassion. I pray each day for peace using the serenity prayer as my guide.
Thank you.
It does suck. I’m ok with the old dog girl and it sucking. It was definitely her time. Still so hard. Super grateful I’m sober and unfortunately grateful to see so many people here handle it before me. Sober.
My trouble is I can’t mourn with my wife. And I can’t even comfort her. Some days I can’t even look at her. She’s drinking it away for now. And I try not to judge because when Max died 10-12 years ago I was on a bender for a couple of weeks that almost killed me. I’m so grateful to be sober with this one. But I feel all alone. All alone in the house with her dealing with it the only way she knows how. Anyway…… I’ll give it time.
I finally set a boundary today that I’m not going out to lunch if she’s drinking. I’m not trying to control it. I’m just removing myself from her lunchtime drinking. You know we go out to eat all the time. It’s our lifestyle. I let her have one more lunch out drinking. She picked today. I thought that was more than fair.
Anyway. I’m trying to go back to basics. And one thing that struck me is. “If I’m not the problem, then there is no solution.” Like I mentioned. I hate that saying!! My problem is I go out to lunch. She drinks. I hate the rest of the day. She always says she’ll try and do better. Ya right. By dinner she’s on her 6 glass of wine and knocking back 8-10 before the days over. I don’t have to count. It’s a pattern. So, she can still go out to lunch alone and drink. Not gonna happen. Or she can drink at home for lunch. Which doesn’t usually happen. Not til 2 or 3 and I’ll deal with that when it comes to it. And I really need to do this for me.
Sorry to go on.
Now about that podcast.
It’s called The Recovery Show.
Plug in episode 347 in the search box. About half way through a lady calls in with her story. She keeps trying to fix her husband etc……
These podcasts has been a life saver for me.
For first one I searched for was Compassion. Because I had none at all for her. I loved it. Then I started listening to it regularly. I’ve even written in a couple of times. And he’s mentioned me. I love it. Sometimes I think I get more from it than an Al-Anon meeting. It’s all Al-Anon principles. And Spencer’s voice is so soothing. His partner in this episode is Eric. I love him too.
Boy I went on. Guess I had to get some shit out here. Been a rough couple of weeks. But no reason to drink.
Thanks for being you and sharing your stuff. It helps knowing I’m not alone. I wish we could fix our spouses but the reality is. We can’t fix anyone but ourselves.
Wow! Alisa. That’s really rotten. I’m sorry you’ve had to endure this trauma throughout your life. I can’t imagine all the therapy in the world would make things better. Always know. You didn’t cause any of this.
And you certainly didn’t deserve any of that.
And I bet you did the best you could to survive this horribleness.
I’m glad you shared.
I hope you made it through this weekend ok.
Thanks for always being in all of our corners.
Thanks must of missed this one.
Cold coffee? Sure. Just not sweet or milky.
In the restaurant business we use to call ice coffee. “I need coffee on the haul ass!” Like if someone was too busy on the line to get a cup of Joe. They would yell that someone would bring them an ice coffee they could chug.
I actually did just roam around the nursery. I like looking at flowers. Home Depot? Not so much 
I can’t tak3 those big box stores anymore.
Ok. Back to memes 
Well i’ll be happy to enjoy a hot cup of joe or a ice coffee with you any time. All our nurseries are outskirts of town so not always easy to get to but i do understand the need to stay away from box stores. Glad you were able to get to roam around a bit.
I am so sorry that you are going through your grieving process alone at home. Do know we are here for you! Thank you for sharing your podcast - will check em out. So cool that you were able to write in and be mentioned - like your personal one on one support system.
Doing great on setting up your boundaries. Do not ever apologize for writing out your thoughts and feelings.
just came across this on my meme hunt and thought of you
I’m dealing with some resentments today surrounding my husband coming home drunk last night. We both got crap sleep because he gets up throughout the night to snack and drink water many times so that doesn’t help. It really has me thinking about myself as a drinker.
Our main activity was drinking together. We would spend hours (and hundreds $) on a day off drinking and laughing and roaming around town. We were both service industry at the time so we knew everyone and everyone knew us. I know that I am seeing that history through my rose colored glasses but my summer loneliness is kicking in a bit. I think a lot of this is FOMO which I hate and think is stupid. A lot of it is also my daily routine of work, sleep, work, sleep.
I have always dated drinkers (alcoholic is a term I think can only be self applied - or is this my co-dependence showing 
). Probably because I’ve always been a drinker. I know that I have a lot of work to do on myself and most of that just starts with leaving the house more. Although I am feeling a bit sorry for myself I’ll channel some gratitude.
I’m grateful that I wasn’t out all day drinking yesterday. I’m grateful I won’t have a headache at work and won’t smell like sweated out booze. I’m grateful that I am learning how to save both physical money and emotions (if that makes sense). I’m grateful I woke up today and am heading in the right direction, even if that direction feels lonely, I’ll find my way.
I hear ya Emilie.
And I feel ya.
Wifey was nice enough to cook dinner while I was at my meeting. That never happens. Dinner was good. She was out on the couch by 7. 
.
Lately I wonder if we ever had anything in common besides our drinking. That’s what we did forever. And she never asked for me to get sober. Now I know we had a life time together. More than many people. And we got so much more ahead. I hope. It’s hard sometimes. And it always seems like I’m doing all the work. Which I’m use to now. I’m not as angry as I use to be about it. Both recoveries are keeping me sane and sober. It’s 2 pm and she hasn’t had a glass of wine yet. So I got that going for me. I continue to learn her drinking or not has nothing to do with my happiness. Maybe one day I’ll get it. Thank god for my Al-Anon meetings.
I’m glad you shared.
Sorry your dealing with this too.
Thanks Daze. He drinks less than he used to but it is still a daily thing for him. I’m so happy that isn’t me anymore.
I often reflect on how we are moving in the right direction but then I catch myself asking if we are both moving or if I’m driving and towing. Either way I’m moving.
I wish you a drama free evening of peace.
Hey Emilie
So sorry love! I am impressed with how well you are keeping with your sobriety- way to look atcthe gratitudes of not drinking and living a healthier life. I am grateful that you are moving forward- hopefully your hubby is slso moving with you.
I can totally relate to feeling lonely as we shed parts of our addicted lives. It does get better. We need to forge new friendships and find events /places to enjoy that arent all booze oriented. You enjoy reading- any book clubs to join? Or hiking clubs or…?
I know ots not the same as irl but we are here if you ever feel lonely and just want to chat.
Saw this and thought of you… circle gets smaller when you start respecting yourself too 
I just found out tonight that my very close loved one (my son’s) DOC happens to be Fentanol. He’s barely an adult (20) and has ODd twice in the past few months on what I thought was too much Xanax that him and some boy’s down the road got ahold of which was bad enough because he nearly died and had to be transferred out of state for medical care in their ICU Trauma unit. I’m a person of strong faith but I can’t see how to get him back from this. I can’t make it if he goes even though I’ve still got two other little children that depend on me and an adult daughter. I’m trying so hard to stay strong but I’m falling apart and my heart is broken into a million pieces from memories of having to administer Narcan and work diligently to try to keep him alive when he ODs and he says he doesn’t even want to be here. He’s turning into a rack of bones and his beautiful face breaks out constantly. To make matters even worse I knew he had some obvious problems but my husband is out of town working and told me this in a message. Of course I feel guilty for ever drinking or smoking weed and using any drugs in my lifetime or for having to be on medication for my mental health problems but knowing I was busy trying to fix me these past 3 year’s sober and not noticing that he needed help before it came to this is something I’m really struggling hard with tonight. Since getting sober I have no friends at all. I can’t talk to my mother about this because she’s elderly and sick and this would kill her. I can’t lay all of this on my daughter because it’s too much. I have an appointment with my therapist this Friday but I needed a place to put my thoughts and feelings at tonight. I’ve took my meds 2 hours ago but my isides are shaking. I’m going to go delete my pictures off of here just incase anyone that might actually know me sees me because the struggle isn’t just about me anymore and I don’t want anyone giving my kids a hard time. That’s very unlikely but it could happen. I did however on Sunday get to spend a couple hour’s alone with him and we had a nice talk, a cry and a big hug. Thank you if you actually read this post. God Bless 
Oh my gosh SV. I’m am heart broken to read this. I just now this has to be killing you. Inside and out. Fuck. Such a dangerous drug of choice. I don’t know what to say.
Al-Anon meetings are not going to cure your son or tell you how to help your son and his addiction. But Al-Anon can be there for you and your struggle. And you must be struggling big time.
Maybe you can find a meeting. Or find a meeting on line. You can listen. You can spill your guts to people that can relate. Or just listen. Sometimes I go to my Al-Anon meetings because I feel fragile or sometimes I just go for spite. But I always get a nugget of info. Sometimes I score a perl. Like I did today. But at least I am with people that understand my problem. And that helps me a lot.
It’s so hard as a parent too. We feel like failures. Like I did with my daughter. And my son.
But I learned the 3 C’s
I did not cause this.
I cannot cure it.
I cannot control it.
I’ll pray for you and your son and send positive vibes, and juju and whatever else I can think of.
I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Big hugs to you SV.
Man my daughters mom is in her addiction so bad she rather have nothing to do with her than get help and it makes me soooo mad she refuses the help! But I remember how stubborn I was in my addiction but I wanted my little girl sooo bad that I over came my struggle with the disease of addiction to better myself and give her the life she deserves! It just hurts me knowing my daughter deserves a mom and she don’t want to be a mom to this beautiful little girl! This is where acceptance comes in and where I have to turn this over to my higher power! Hopefully she can have a spiritual awakening before it’s too late! PRAYERS FOR DIANA to come to the realization that her life is worth it and so is her daughter
Thank you so very much DC. I am most definitely going to go check that out!
This makes me so mad. You are going to have to be mother and father to this little girl. She’s going to need all the love she can get if her mother doesn’t care. Fuck. So much stenght to you.
@SoberVigilant it’s heartbreaking about your son. The only thing I can think of to do is get him into a rehab where they don’t only do 12 step but offer in depths psychological therapy, or find him a therapist he can see intensively as soon as he’s out of rehab, not CBT, traditional talking therapy. It sounds like he’s struggling with deep things. I hope your family can buffer you and your own therapy will give you some support.
Much love to you both.
Thanks Jazzy. I think my loneliness is self inflicted. I’m still learning how to be a joiner but I’ll get there. I have a week off coming up and I’ve set some social goals, among others. I appreciate you.
