Wifey was nice enough to cook dinner while I was at my meeting. That never happens. Dinner was good. She was out on the couch by 7. .
Lately I wonder if we ever had anything in common besides our drinking. That’s what we did forever. And she never asked for me to get sober. Now I know we had a life time together. More than many people. And we got so much more ahead. I hope. It’s hard sometimes. And it always seems like I’m doing all the work. Which I’m use to now. I’m not as angry as I use to be about it. Both recoveries are keeping me sane and sober. It’s 2 pm and she hasn’t had a glass of wine yet. So I got that going for me. I continue to learn her drinking or not has nothing to do with my happiness. Maybe one day I’ll get it. Thank god for my Al-Anon meetings.
I’m glad you shared.
Sorry your dealing with this too.
Thanks Daze. He drinks less than he used to but it is still a daily thing for him. I’m so happy that isn’t me anymore.
I often reflect on how we are moving in the right direction but then I catch myself asking if we are both moving or if I’m driving and towing. Either way I’m moving.
So sorry love! I am impressed with how well you are keeping with your sobriety- way to look atcthe gratitudes of not drinking and living a healthier life. I am grateful that you are moving forward- hopefully your hubby is slso moving with you.
I can totally relate to feeling lonely as we shed parts of our addicted lives. It does get better. We need to forge new friendships and find events /places to enjoy that arent all booze oriented. You enjoy reading- any book clubs to join? Or hiking clubs or…?
I know ots not the same as irl but we are here if you ever feel lonely and just want to chat.
Saw this and thought of you… circle gets smaller when you start respecting yourself too
I just found out tonight that my very close loved one (my son’s) DOC happens to be Fentanol. He’s barely an adult (20) and has ODd twice in the past few months on what I thought was too much Xanax that him and some boy’s down the road got ahold of which was bad enough because he nearly died and had to be transferred out of state for medical care in their ICU Trauma unit. I’m a person of strong faith but I can’t see how to get him back from this. I can’t make it if he goes even though I’ve still got two other little children that depend on me and an adult daughter. I’m trying so hard to stay strong but I’m falling apart and my heart is broken into a million pieces from memories of having to administer Narcan and work diligently to try to keep him alive when he ODs and he says he doesn’t even want to be here. He’s turning into a rack of bones and his beautiful face breaks out constantly. To make matters even worse I knew he had some obvious problems but my husband is out of town working and told me this in a message. Of course I feel guilty for ever drinking or smoking weed and using any drugs in my lifetime or for having to be on medication for my mental health problems but knowing I was busy trying to fix me these past 3 year’s sober and not noticing that he needed help before it came to this is something I’m really struggling hard with tonight. Since getting sober I have no friends at all. I can’t talk to my mother about this because she’s elderly and sick and this would kill her. I can’t lay all of this on my daughter because it’s too much. I have an appointment with my therapist this Friday but I needed a place to put my thoughts and feelings at tonight. I’ve took my meds 2 hours ago but my isides are shaking. I’m going to go delete my pictures off of here just incase anyone that might actually know me sees me because the struggle isn’t just about me anymore and I don’t want anyone giving my kids a hard time. That’s very unlikely but it could happen. I did however on Sunday get to spend a couple hour’s alone with him and we had a nice talk, a cry and a big hug. Thank you if you actually read this post. God Bless
Oh my gosh SV. I’m am heart broken to read this. I just now this has to be killing you. Inside and out. Fuck. Such a dangerous drug of choice. I don’t know what to say.
Al-Anon meetings are not going to cure your son or tell you how to help your son and his addiction. But Al-Anon can be there for you and your struggle. And you must be struggling big time.
Maybe you can find a meeting. Or find a meeting on line. You can listen. You can spill your guts to people that can relate. Or just listen. Sometimes I go to my Al-Anon meetings because I feel fragile or sometimes I just go for spite. But I always get a nugget of info. Sometimes I score a perl. Like I did today. But at least I am with people that understand my problem. And that helps me a lot.
It’s so hard as a parent too. We feel like failures. Like I did with my daughter. And my son.
But I learned the 3 C’s
I did not cause this.
I cannot cure it.
I cannot control it.
I’ll pray for you and your son and send positive vibes, and juju and whatever else I can think of.
I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Big hugs to you SV.
Man my daughters mom is in her addiction so bad she rather have nothing to do with her than get help and it makes me soooo mad she refuses the help! But I remember how stubborn I was in my addiction but I wanted my little girl sooo bad that I over came my struggle with the disease of addiction to better myself and give her the life she deserves! It just hurts me knowing my daughter deserves a mom and she don’t want to be a mom to this beautiful little girl! This is where acceptance comes in and where I have to turn this over to my higher power! Hopefully she can have a spiritual awakening before it’s too late! PRAYERS FOR DIANA to come to the realization that her life is worth it and so is her daughter
This makes me so mad. You are going to have to be mother and father to this little girl. She’s going to need all the love she can get if her mother doesn’t care. Fuck. So much stenght to you.
@SoberVigilant it’s heartbreaking about your son. The only thing I can think of to do is get him into a rehab where they don’t only do 12 step but offer in depths psychological therapy, or find him a therapist he can see intensively as soon as he’s out of rehab, not CBT, traditional talking therapy. It sounds like he’s struggling with deep things. I hope your family can buffer you and your own therapy will give you some support.
Thanks Jazzy. I think my loneliness is self inflicted. I’m still learning how to be a joiner but I’ll get there. I have a week off coming up and I’ve set some social goals, among others. I appreciate you.
@SoberVigilant If you’re in the U.S., you could consider calling 988 and see what suggestions and or resources they might have or know to get your son the help that he needs. And you. Hoping for the best.
Call equivalent help line if out of the U.S.
My heart breaks for you and your son @SoberVigilant. I experimented with fentanyl a few times when I couldn’t get pain pills and I can honestly say that’s a high like no other. I know too many people that struggle with it or are no longer with us. Please keep narcan on you at all times. We’re all here for you!
DC recommended ala anon but I think you will find more people that can relate to your situation at nar anon. Any help for yourself to cope is better than nothing so I’m glad you have a therepist and us to unload on. Sending hugs and love your way.
Oh my goodness for sure. I have some and I just reordered more because the past two times its taken 2 to 3 doses. Thank you so very much I was wondering if they might have one for narcotics. Im feeling a lot more clear headed this evening and trying to get him into an intensive rehab center. Hopefully by choice rather than by force. But i will do whatever I have to do at this point. Only problem is all the waiting lists where drugs are so bad in our state. But im not going to stop trying. I appreciate all of y’all for all the help and support!
I am so very sorry love - i can’t even imagine what you are going through. I do hope that you are able to get your son into an intensive rehab center. Sending you love and comfort in your intense time of need - do hope that your son get the help he needs and is able to shed this addiction.
He’s a fine young man. Smart, funny and a really hard worker. He just got with the wrong crowd drinking beer and messing with stuff that can kill him and he is a bit mixed up right now. I’m doing all I can to get him help and praying hard he can pull through this. Making him understand how much he is loved and matters is difficult but I think it’s sinking in because he’s actually opening up and admitting what he’s done. I stumble every day for the magic word’s to make a difference. One thing I do know is I have to keep my faith that he will get better. I had faith in my sister and shes doing much better. Jail helped her out. She just got out last month. I had her daughter for about a year. Hoping and praying for her too. I’ve stated before I can help me. Its trying to get through to my loved one’s is the real challenge in my life right now. God Bless
Knowing that I was not alone, that other members of Al- Anon were in the same situation as I was, struggling with the same disease, allowed me to deal with the shame and guilt associated with the disease. It also allowed me to share more easily and understand that, in asking others for help and in listening to their experience, strength, and hope, I was able to allow myself to shed some of my pain and begin to heal the hole in my heart.
Understanding that I was powerless over alcohol and its effects on my family allowed me to gain some sense of manageability in the home. *I no longer felt that it was up to me to fix everything or that I was to blame for what was happening in our lives. I found that by accepting the situation as it was, I could find some sanity. I was no longer allowing obsessive thoughts to fill my every waking moment and every sleepless night. By understanding that I was powerless, I suddenly found I could sleep, and I had more time to do other things. I no longer sought refuge in my car, listening to the same song over and over again, crying all the time. I was finally able to function with sanity, hope, and manageability.
Not an ideal night tonight. Hubs came home drunk from his bartending job. A lot of the victim martyr conversations that I remember from my drinking days were had in one sided tirades about how he wants to abandon it all and start over elsewhere. “It all” includes me in this scenario.
It’s hard not to take drunk conversations personally and my patience runs thin. I ended up bringing him a notebook where he can maybe, hopefully write out all the things he wants to change in his life. I can’t fix it.
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