I’m so grateful.
Some mornings I find exactly what I need.
I been struggling. Or more like reverting back to old habits. And then I start beating myself up again because no, I’m not ok, after she gets so wined up that she can’t walk and staggers through the hotel lobby and I’m trying to prevent her from falling down. Yes I’m angry. Yes I resent that she did that. Yes I missed the beautiful month we had with her sober. Truthfully I couldn’t just shake it off and let it go. It hurt 
maybe I just have to give it time. Just like any other kind of healing.
Then I got these readings this morning.
From, Todays Hope .com
Dear self: Don’t get so worked up over things you can’t change or people you can’t change. It’s not worth the anger buildup or the heartache. Control only what you can. Let go.
~Love me
After feeling the hurt and pain for a couple of days it was just what I needed to read this morning as I think and really want to let go.
And then this powerful reminder 
Forgiveness Is for Me
I have a family that I love, but it has not always been happy. I craved and sought my mother’s love and validation my entire life, with very little success. I went back again and again only to be embarrassed, shunned, chastised, or made to feel guilty. Every time, I left feeling hurt and sometimes mad, which really just covered up the hurt. I would ask myself, “Why does she do this? What have I done to deserve this? When will she tell me I am a lovely, worthwhile daughter and that she is proud of me?”
I was stuck in this place for many years—a perpetual victim. I went to therapy, discussed it with my partner, journaled about it, and tried all kinds of strategies to gain favor with my mom. While these things helped a bit, what really helped me find freedom was forgiveness.
In Al-Anon, I have learned to have compassion for the alcoholic—to separate the person from the behavior and to forgive them. I discovered that forgiveness isn’t some magnanimous act that lets others off the hook. It is about me and for me! First, I have no business judging another—the alcoholic, my mom, or anyone. Second, when I have compassion and find the willingness to love others despite their behaviors, I make room to consider forgiveness.
Finally, when I forgive, I let go.
Forgiveness gives me my life back! It gives me peace, calm, and serenity. It gives me time and energy to spend on the sweetness of life instead of a merry-go-round of complaining and keeping resentments alive. It gives me a doorway through which to love my mother despite all of the hurts that I have experienced.
As my mother grows old, I am finding my way to loving her unconditionally. If I am being honest, I sometimes revert back to my old way of thinking, but today, I strive to spend less time there and move more quickly toward forgiveness.
By Joy F., Saskatchewan February, 2022
Well, it’s been a couple of days now and I guess I’m willing to let go. Forgive. Fake It Til I Make It. Whatever………
I’m grateful today is a new day.
