And when that doesn’t work you can add an S.
WAIST
Why Am I Still Talking 
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I’m glad that you are sober yourself. Big congratulations for that.
It’s also great that you do some ‘good for you’ things like your running and taking the boys on nice outings.
And,posting here which is helpful and therapeutic for you!
Big hugs for you.
I’m glad that he realizes it’s a problem. Otherwise he wouldn’t say he’ll try to do better.
I wish you could go to Al-Anon either online or in person and be honest with him about it.
I hope that somehow there will be meaningful changes … in the meantime stay strong in your own sobriety, post here, and do those things like running that you personally like for you.
You are a lovely woman and Mother.
Remember that part. Nourish and take comfort in that and let it give you strength. xo
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that’s good too!
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I need a rant or my head will explode.
Who said I don’t trust the inner peace and absence of emotional spikes concerning my ex yesterday? Oh, that was me! And fuck was I right, in everything. I think the bähhuhuhu love/miss/lonely thing is through. Instead I really really really want to smash his idiotic head on his idiotic stones until it is mush 
All summer he was away on vaccations connected with building dry stone walls. This/his fucking wall here is still not finished 
I told him to find a solution as the firewood must be put in the furnace room and I DO NOT CARRY IT DOWNSTAIRS because his fucking bullshit wall is not finished and therefor I can’t approach the level where it is located by tractor to bring the firewood
Monday he told me he’ll call me tuesday. No call. Today I called him. Oh he was so busy and next week he’s away to france to the dry stone wall world congress but afterwards there are no further trips planned. And tomorrow he’s at the farm and we can talk. NO WE CAN NOT!!! I’m at an all day workshop with my group therapy. COMMUNICATION??? none
thinking about his bullshit making my life unmanageable??? nope, I give HIM a hard time. WTF??? he does shit about nothing important and relevant and complains that I get angry???
oh you fuckup, the moment I pay you out I throw out all your bullshit here and hope one of your stones hits your head to bring the light of epiphany to the void of your nonexistant brains, emotions and social skills.
I have to work on my codependent issues and letting go, he was always like this and it drove me crazy all the time. note to self: RED FLAG. in the future we avoid people whose flaws drive us crazy and don’t even mimimally match with our values, needs and accountability level. It’s ok to keep them away for our own sake and health.
Thank you for this outlet, now I feel a lot better and calm again 
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A big hug for your feeling better and calmness xo
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Sending hugs @erntedank
I’ve been hearing this song on the radio daily for the past 6 months and I always think of you.
It’s called Flowers by Miley Cyrus.
We were good, we were gold
Kinda dream that can’t be sold
We were right 'til we weren’t
Built a home and watched it burn
Mm, I didn’t wanna leave you
I didn’t wanna lie
Started to cry, but then remembered I
I can buy myself flowers
Write my name in the sand
Talk to myself for hours
Say things you don’t understand
I can take myself dancing
And I can hold my own hand
Yeah, I can love me better than you can
Can love me better
I can love me better, baby
Can love me better
I can love me better, baby
Paint my nails cherry red
Match the roses that you left
No remorse, no regret
I forgive every word you said
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I love this song 
I listen to music really rarely and listening to it brightened my afternoon sitting on thebalcony enjoying the sun and wind 
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I’m glad you got to vent. Good place for it.
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I want to vent too. Good place for it.
I just don’t want to ruin this Cali trip because of what she said yesterday. She’s going to drink on Sunday. It’s October. Dry September is over. But it’s so stinking hard. I’m fucking human. I have feelings. They got hurt. And I got to let them go. She’s not drinking today. She won’t drink tomorrow. And I got HOPE if I can just believe. Really believe everything happens for a reason. I’m sure I’ll figure it out. But the brain is a complicated motherfucker. And it won’t stop being in survival mode. At least I won’t drink.
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I’m keeping hope alive too. Just maybe she’ll have a change of heart when Sunday gets here. For now, stay in the moment and enjoy today. I know that’s easier said than done. Sending you love and prayers.
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Thanks. And ya. So much easier said than done.
She will not accept the fact she will never have a glass of wine again.
Oh she’ll drink!! She wants to try moderation. And she’s going too. Not a thing I can do about it.
But ya. ODAAT. Serenity now. Just for today. First things fist. Let go let god. Ya da ya da ya da…………
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Sorry, Eric. Hope and fear, two sides of the same coin. And both are tricky. When hope gets dashed, fear is right there ready to take over. When Fear subsides then hope comes right back. Sure can be a roller coaster ride. We know in our rational minds that both are future oriented, and all we really have is the present moment. But emotionally? Well…hell, glad we have a place to vent… I’m glad you are able to stay as much as you can with right now, and just for today…it’s a tall order sometimes.
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Enjoy your ocean time. Who Knows what’s going to happen.
Don’t let what hasn’t happened take you down now.
Remember the Al-Anon tools.
I smoked for a very long time, 33 years I think. I decided to quit and did so successfully Cold Turkey after two years of struggling with quitting thirty plus times a day wearing patches and using nicotine gum.
CT is what I needed, ( not moderation or ingestion of nicotine) and the quitting was without much incident.
.
I felt so confident about my ability not to smoke that I planned on smoking one on day 21.
I knew I was going to be in a home where the cigarettes would be on the dining room table and I would be able to go in there and smoke one without anybody knowing. ( everybody sleeping)
This was to prove to myself that I could handle a cigarette after I had successfully and happily quit cold turkey, that I could smoke ONE without a problem.
I didn’t want to start smoking again because I was very proud of myself for not smoking.
In some weird way I wanted to reward myself for not smoking for 21 days. Just one.
I go in there when everybody’s asleep and I pick the cigarette up and I smoke it.
It was a nothing event. It was just nothing. Not bad, not good, not anything.
A few days later I’m back home and a good friend of mine, a smoking nurse, offers me a cigarette. ( Knowing I quit). But Nicotine Junkies like to lure others in and hate defectors.
I took it from her and smoked it. Was the best cigarette I ever smoked.
Then she offers me another one a day or two later and I grabbed it from her, yanked it from her, I couldn’t get it lit quick enough, took two frantic puffs, saw that the nicotine monster had totally grabbed hold of me and was about to have me back in it’s deadly clutches.
I put it out after the second puff and I said No More, no more of this insanity.
I never really ever had the desire again.
The point of telling you this is maybe she’s wanting to test her self to see if she’s able to do the moderation.
Personally, I would have the pictures and the videos of some of her worst times and if she does have the one drink and even considers a second one I would show them to her and ask her if this is what she wants.
She can honestly answer and say yes I want to be passed out on the floor.
Then, okay.
You have your AlAnon and other tools.
Hopefully it will not come to be. Hopefully she’s bluffing.
Hoping for the best.
Big hugs.
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It took me a few attempts at alcohol moderation to know that I wasn’t built for that but with each quitting attempt the picking back up was less fun.
Hopefully your wife has a similar epiphany Daze.
Sending hugs.
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Sending you hugs dear friend. I pray for you and wifey.
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From here too, for the both of you also.
@Dazercat and wifey.
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Thanks you guys.
@erntedank
You are so sweet to think of me now it’s October.
At least I know I’ll be sober. It doesn’t really matter what she does. It’ll all work out in the end. And today I’m not gonna worry about it.
I’m sticking to HOPE - everything happens for a reason.
Love you guys
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I am sorry, Eric, that things turned out like this. It sure must be horrible to see this transformation and not being able to stop it.
I could somehow hear you sigh of relief that your friends now know and maybe they will also lend you and open ear when you need it.
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I’m so grateful.
Some mornings I find exactly what I need.
I been struggling. Or more like reverting back to old habits. And then I start beating myself up again because no, I’m not ok, after she gets so wined up that she can’t walk and staggers through the hotel lobby and I’m trying to prevent her from falling down. Yes I’m angry. Yes I resent that she did that. Yes I missed the beautiful month we had with her sober. Truthfully I couldn’t just shake it off and let it go. It hurt 
maybe I just have to give it time. Just like any other kind of healing.
Then I got these readings this morning.
From, Todays Hope .com
Dear self: Don’t get so worked up over things you can’t change or people you can’t change. It’s not worth the anger buildup or the heartache. Control only what you can. Let go.
~Love me
After feeling the hurt and pain for a couple of days it was just what I needed to read this morning as I think and really want to let go.
And then this powerful reminder 
Forgiveness Is for Me
I have a family that I love, but it has not always been happy. I craved and sought my mother’s love and validation my entire life, with very little success. I went back again and again only to be embarrassed, shunned, chastised, or made to feel guilty. Every time, I left feeling hurt and sometimes mad, which really just covered up the hurt. I would ask myself, “Why does she do this? What have I done to deserve this? When will she tell me I am a lovely, worthwhile daughter and that she is proud of me?”
I was stuck in this place for many years—a perpetual victim. I went to therapy, discussed it with my partner, journaled about it, and tried all kinds of strategies to gain favor with my mom. While these things helped a bit, what really helped me find freedom was forgiveness.
In Al-Anon, I have learned to have compassion for the alcoholic—to separate the person from the behavior and to forgive them. I discovered that forgiveness isn’t some magnanimous act that lets others off the hook. It is about me and for me! First, I have no business judging another—the alcoholic, my mom, or anyone. Second, when I have compassion and find the willingness to love others despite their behaviors, I make room to consider forgiveness.
Finally, when I forgive, I let go.
Forgiveness gives me my life back! It gives me peace, calm, and serenity. It gives me time and energy to spend on the sweetness of life instead of a merry-go-round of complaining and keeping resentments alive. It gives me a doorway through which to love my mother despite all of the hurts that I have experienced.
As my mother grows old, I am finding my way to loving her unconditionally. If I am being honest, I sometimes revert back to my old way of thinking, but today, I strive to spend less time there and move more quickly toward forgiveness.
By Joy F., Saskatchewan February, 2022
Well, it’s been a couple of days now and I guess I’m willing to let go. Forgive. Fake It Til I Make It. Whatever………
I’m grateful today is a new day.
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That quote from Joy could have been my text, sans alcoholism bc my mom has different issues… Still very hurtful and unfair. They get under our skin and hurt us easily bc they are so close to us. I couldn’t love my family if I hadn’t forgiven (and still keep forgiving) them. And I couldn’t have forgiven them without Christ compelling me and helping me.
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