Thank you for this. I am still clean. I am really happy with my recovery. I feel a level of guilt, almost as if I left him behind. I want to support him, buti don’t know how to offer support without being dragged back into active addiction. I know I can’t recover for him. He’s using fentanyl every day and he is just withering away on the street. I’m afraid he won’t make it much longer. That weighs heavily on my heart. I said NO the last time he begged me to see him, and now I wonder if that was my last chance.
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I cannot imagine that kind of pain. And we know how deadly fentanyl is. Shit. I’m so sorry. I’m sure it weighs heavily on your heart. It’s such and impossible situation you are in. It sounds like you are doing everything right for you. I know that feeling if guilt all too well in my case. If I just didn’t stop drinking we would be in this situation. But we didn’t cause it. We can’t control it. And we cannot cure it. I don’t feel guilty for taking care of myself and living life on life’s terms. No I don’t! And you know you cannot save him. It’s just so fucking hard. Maintain your course. Pray. Pray real hard for a miracle. I’ll pray too.
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Thank you so much. Truly. No one in my life understands, which is why I am so grateful for the rooms and for this site, and everyone hear. I will keep praying and trying to lead by example and just have faith that he will find his own way to recovery. It has been so beautiful for me. I can feel myself healing.
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You are a responsible, caring person who takes care of yourself. Hard as it is, that’s all we can do. @Dazercat is my rock and has been for a long time with struggling on my now ex and coping with the situation. Yes, it is grieving. No, we can’t “help” because much of what we feel wanting to “help” is either codependency or enabling. Both is unhealthy and acting upon it is focussing on someone else’s addiction rather than our own sobriety and recovery.
Sending you hugs and strength 
You are not alone and you don’t have to navigate through this though time alone. Come here, share, vent, let us cheer you on your sobriety and share your hurting. Just for today, we stay sober and let go the rest to the universe to deal with it. ODAAT 
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I’m sorry for all the shit everyone else is going through with their loved ones, and sincere,h hope for positive outcomes. Guess I need a little venting. I’m trying to not stress out over my husbands drinking and pot smoking, there are good days and bad days with my mental attitudes and coping mechanisms. A couple of times lately I have felt that old tug to drink just to cope but I didn’t. Not to blame him for my own problems, I see just how often my drinking was tied up in feeling anger and resentment toward him and his drinking! How stupid was that?
I know I’m not supposed to judge or nudge or enable or manipulate. But it’s hard sometimes. I get so tired of him drinking all day long and passing out for a couple hours in front of the tv , only to awaken , go pour MORE wine, and bring it upstairs to bed. The stains on the carpet on his side of the bed, the stains on the mattress on his side of the bed, are obvious indicators that there is a problem here, and I know he has to see that, but he’s too deep in his addiction to act on it.
I’m tired of acting like this is normal behavior, I’m tired of pretending it doesn’t bother me. I’m not fooling him. He knows it bothers me, and in fact I am sure when he senses my disappointment, he defiantly drinks and smokes MORE.
I know all I can do is take care of myself and I’m trying. Just needed to vent I guess.
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Oh man Patty I’m so sorry to read this. I have an idea of what you’re going through. As much as I know not to take it personally. When it’s just the 2 of us it’s so hard not to take it personally. I’m always thinking QTIP. Quit taking it personally Eric. It’s not my fault. But it’s so fucking hard when it’s in your face and it’s just the 2 of us.
And yep I definitely got my good days and bad days. And those days in between when I just want to scream 
I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE 
It’s taken me a long time many many meetings. Years. A therapist and a sponsor to figure out I don’t HAVE to live like this anymore. It’s so fucking hard.
I just checked the Al-Anon app and there are plenty of meetings you can get on today. I don’t like the on line meetings but when things were so shitty I would get on one and just listen. Maybe give my two cents worth. It just felt like a safe place to be with others that understand even if our problems are very different.
And when things are most shit for me I found myself meditating a lot. Especially the Serenity Prayer on Insight Timer. And I’d listen to my podcast I think I’ve already told you about.
I’m so sorry you’re struggling on this Thanksgiving Day. Check in whenever you want to vent or scream.
Big hugs to you my friend.
Edit @Pattycake
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Ah Patricia I am sorry love - i am grateful that you were able to come and vent here. Grateful that you will not use drinking as a coping mechanism.
Just saw Eric’s post - couldn’t say it better. I do hope that you are able to reach out to Al Anon or here if you need support. You are not alone my friend. I am sorry you are having to deal with such a crappy situation and totally understand having good and bad coping days. Sometimes our minds just reach a limit.
Sending you love and support 
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Thanks so much for being there, it means a lot.
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Thank you, I’m grateful.
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I so appreciate the support , Eric and Jasmine. You two are always there to help when the going gets rough. I’m grateful to you. Thanks from the bottom of my heart!
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Thank you!! I haven’t been on in awhile and needed this encouragement today.
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Last days were good. Untill today. Yesterday he was doing coke, obviously. Today we had planned already since long time, we go in the morning to some small kids-party (Sinterklaas themed), and then at 16:00 there is big thing for kids outdoor, Sinterklaas is coming etc, exciting event for kids. Last year they loved it. And it’s 100m from our house. I didn’t even think for a moment he will go with us, he hates events like this. I’m also not a big fan but yeah, it’s for kids and they enjoy a lot. Singing, dancing etc.
But today morning again he woke up angry at whole world (me mostly). He said we are going to swimming pool… I said first of all, we can always go to the pool, Sinterklaas is once a year, kids are all excited long time already. 2nd thing - Anthony has ear infection, on antibiotics, pus is coming out of his ear - not the best idea go to swimming pool. 3rd and ofcourse less important - the only thing physiotherapist said I must not do is swimming so I would rather not go. Ofcourse I could only walk around but then what’s the point… And the rest you can imagine - I’m fucking dumb, I should go fuck myself, I’m disgusting etc. And because of what? Because i don’t want to go to swimming pool. And I want to go to that Sinterklaas thing like all the rest of idiots (his words, cause everybody’s idiots, except him, and probably his mother).
We (me and boys) came back from first event, we had great time. He is playing some game on ps4 in the living room, all curtains closed. And I can’t even open them cause I’m stupid fucking bitch then.
And it was so nice for a few days…
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I’m glad you put your foot down and the kids had fun 
That guy… Is there a reason why you you’re putting up with him? No judgement here, just asking.
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As bad as it sound - I think I’m just afraid I won’t make it financially, raising 3 kids alone.
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Can you look into this Mischa? Even if youre not ready to leave knowledge is power…it might be that decent help would be available, itd be good to know how you would stand if u did get to the end of your tether surely?
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Just want to send some big love and hugs your way Patricia, it must be a really difficult thing to deal with and my heart goes out to you but it is testament to the amazing lady you are to still manage to show up for yourself and keep your sobriety for your own good, love to you
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I’m done. We are done.
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Are you ok love?
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I’m fine, thank you.
I just can’t take it anymore. This is ridiculous. He’s insulting me, calling me worthless, saying he gonna brake my neck for what? Because he is in bad mood after coke? All this in front of our kids. He didn’t hit me tho, probably because I told him if he gonna touch me I’m calling the cops immediately.
But I’m not with this guy anymore. I don’t know how we gonna do this but at this moment I don’t care. I was doing perfectly fine before him, I’m gonna be good after as well. I don’t want such a role model for my boys.
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Good for you!! You deserve so much better, its so unfair for those lovely little boys to have to see any of this, we are here for you
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