Thank you so much! You are so correct. 
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Good morning SoberV
@SoberVigilant
I guess it’s not a good morning for you. I just read this and was thinking of you. But scrolling through to find a “reply” I see your morning is shit. You don’t need my Al-Anon bullshit right now.
Fuck. I’m so sorry.
Don’t give up on him! I know you won’t. I didn’t have any Al-Anon back when we got our kids into a rehab. I know that hopeless chaos. Just call some rehab. Maybe someone at a good rehab can guide you in what to do. If not. Try another one. I have found some that take a hard line stance that they, your son, have to call themselves. But how can they? I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Sending you prayers healing thought peace whatever you want.
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Thank you so much Dazercat. 
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I can’t imagine how horrible it is to watch such video. Disturbing. Hurting. Helpless. Sorry @SoberVigilant
The only support I can offer is hugs and prayer. You are in my mind. Both. 
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It was awful. Thank you so much
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Update… My son’s girlfriend just called finally. She took him to the ER last night. They had to wait about 5 hour’s. By that time he had sobered up some and got mad and left. He’s refusing all treatment at this time but I’m going to be hopeful that someday soon he will change his mind. Sorry for the pitty party this morning as I was worried sick about him and still am but I’m thankful to know that as of right now he’s better than he was last night. I want to thank all of you for your kind word’s and prayers. That means so much to me.
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Not a pity party my friend…you were distraught over your son’s condition and the not knowing. Grateful that you came and let out your feelings and sought comfort/ compassion and support here. We are here for you in whatever way we can be. Sending loads of love and hugs your way.
I can’t even imagine what you must be dealing with and want you to know that we are here to listen any time you need.
Thank you for the update. I too hope that he would want to seek help soon.
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I’m so sorry for all the turmoil your going through right now 
I couldn’t think of anything worse than watching my child go through this shit . I know it doesn’t help the way you feel but I’ll keep praying for you both and hope you can find some peace and sleep tonight 
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Jazzy thank you again so much. I was mentally and physically drained from it all.
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Thank you so much
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I can’t even imagine how difficult it is. My only wish is that he chooses the path you showed as soon as possible 
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Thank you Sunny I do yoo
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It’s hard to celebrate Al-Anon milestones since I relapse daily. But I don’t beat myself up anymore about that. I recognize it and move on. And on. And on.
I’m impressed with my 2 years and 4 months of Al-Anon recovery and I can see the difference in me.
And I’m Joyously Content 
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Coming here to get a few things off my chest.
The court date is approaching, 7th October. The deadline to remove the cars & stuff is approaching, 15th October.
My ex comes over to take away his clinkers and stones several times a week over the last 4 weeks. He brought a lot of stuff to the disposal site. Today I slept in, went to the kitchen to make tea and wondered what was different. He removed the oldtimer that parked in front of the kitchen window. The small trailer is gone. Of course without any notice or saying hello.
I should be happy that finally he moves out his stuff I’ve been looking at daily. I’m not. I feel empty, tired, abandoned, unloved. I question myself if I suffer from a mild form of Stockholm Syndrom. It hurt me daily to see his stuff, it reminded me of our past, good and bad, it gave the fake impression that he is still here somehow.
In december we will be divorced for 2 years and I really worked on letting go and moving forward. What the heck is wrong with me that I now feel like he is leaving me? Brainwash through the presence of his stuff and ignoring me and my needs? Fuck, he does all this because the authorities ordered to remove it, otherwise the wouldn’t move a finger. And I was really looking forward to it. Now it feels like I’m not ready for this change.
I know this weird cocktail of feelings will pass too. I’m so tired of waiting, changes, all the mess in my life caused by the separation, that I have to adapt again and again and again.
I’m annoyed that I feel overly grateful for my ex removing the stuff for the waste disposal. Like me doing nothing and him doing everything 
He really managed to engrave “you are fat and lazy” in my psych. I hate hate hate these old patterns to come up over and over again. Fuck going to the hardware store for milk.
Well, maybe I’m just stressed, exhausted from a busy week and probably get a cold, I need a lot of blankets today to keep me warm. Tea, sleep and meeting friends at an excellent restaurant will hopefully help to feel better.
Thanks that I can come here and vent.
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Yesterday was court day. Long story short: The financials are settled. Finally. This is how my account reacts to the transfer of this vast amount of money …
To be honest I don’t know how I feel.
Relieved.
- Yes, the existential dread that in case my ex died I had to pay out his brother as he has no testament is gone. This tortured me since the divorce in december 2022.
- This neverending story is over
- I will never again have a reason to complain about his lack of contributing financially or otherwise to our life
Empty
- All this monkey circus took such a long time. Who am I without it?
- The presence of my ex in my life will end soon. By end of march the rest of his stuff must be removed. A bit left to go through together, maybe 4 days.
Happy?
- I don’t know, I really don’t know. Yes, I’m happy that I don’t owe anybody anything anymore. I owe myself a better, more stable life.
- I’m happy my lawyer was able to negotiate this compromise settlement. It’s 10% less than the worst case and 10% above my personal goal, I can live with that.
- I’m definitely happy that this is now MY farm. I can do whatever I please. At the moment I don’t want to do anything.
Sad
- I didn’t want my life like this. I wanted to grow old together, happily. I fucking don’t want to be alone instead of cuddled up to my ex. His nearly daily presence for over a month by now triggered so much missing, longing and sadness.
- Making this final cut hurts. I know it’s necessary and these feelings will pass. I struggle with sadness leading to anxiety and depression.
But life goes on. Letting go of everything I can’t control is on the top of my to-do-list.
I’ve come a long way this year. Maybe it’s time to take it slowly and go in hibernation mode. Maybe I need more connection. Maybe I’m unsure and angsty about life itself. For sure I need to find more love and peace for myself inside me. With so much going on around me I feel like a well mixed smoothie.
Thanks for letting me share. Hugs to you all
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This is a tumultuous time - you’re going through so much. I can only imagine how you must feel. It is the right decision and the right position to be in for you right now in your life but that doesn’t make it easy.
Still though - I respect your courage and commitment to what is right. It isn’t easy to remain committed to what is right when what is right is also difficult.
Take care and be gentle with yourself. 
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Hubbys smoking more and more pot. Im trying to let it go but it upsets me. Hes stupider. He doesnt have the money for it. I dont like it but i cant control it. Grrrr
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Sorry to read this CJ
I know it can be very upsetting.
Lots of double winners at my meetings. Just saying. I had no idea. That really sucks.
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