Insert AlAnon slogan.
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So true.
What movie did you watch by the way? I’m sorry I can’t seem to find the movie thread…
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It should be bumped to the top.
As They Made Us.
Produced written and directed by
Mayim Bialik.
From Big Bang Theory.
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Love this! 
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Hello @erntedank, your recount pains me to read. Ich fühle auf jeden Fall sehr mit dir. You sound like such a tough ass Woman (in a good way!) who knows what she it about, with the gardening and cats and you seem very stable in yourself. I wonder, what holds you back from making changes? I know you just moved there, and all, but really, who sais you have to live like this? A friend of mine recently gave her partner an ultimatum, either couple’s therapy or she is out. Maybe that’s an idea for you, you seem to really want to engage with your husband and miss him when he is gone and drunk him is around.
I know this is the total alternative to al-anon and I’m also a big fan of fundamental al-anon ideas like disengaging, stopping codepenency and enabling. All very valid and important things. But at the same time, what you don’t get now you still don’t get through all these measures and that is a more meaningful relationship with the person you spend your life with. Love in your life. And these needs of yourself, where will they go?
Sending a big big hug. Hope today is a better day. Schönen 1. Mai!
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I’ve got the app. It’s so worth it 
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Is this a new movie, I’ll look it up.
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I’ve downloaded the app as well!
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Danke 
Manchmal könnt ich mir selber in den Hintern beissen und mein Gehirn mit Rorax grundreinigen vor lauter kompliziert 
Councelling is an issue, I already started looking for therapists. Hope to fix a date for a first appointment next week. First for me, the next step will be couple councelling. As he lost his driver license (I’m curious for how long) he can’t come with the usual to-much-to-do excuses untill he gets it back. That’s not nice but I will take advantage of it. I WANT a good life for me and us and fuck he has to contribute his part as I contribute my part. This isn’t a solo.
Changes … I made a lot of changes during the last two years. Still at the beginning, still work in progress. Some results I like: I care for me. I take my time and when it’s ok for me, I don’t care much about his nagging. I get better in stepping away instead of fighting (not yesterday, yesterday I freaked out). TS helps me a lot, also a saying a former colleague and now friend uses when I get in a lather: Choose your battles wise. You don’t have to accept every offer!
He saved my nerves a hundred times when we worked together 
I ordered some literature today, I want to dig a bit into this co-dependent subject. I only have a certain amount of energy every day and I want to focus it on things I can do / work on / change. My focus derailed on things I can’t change / have no influence lately.
Update: I fetched the car while the chicken was in the oven. Alltough it rained it was a very nice walk down the hill and I saw something I never see when I drive in the car 
beautiful grapevine snails 
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I hope your mom can continue on her sober way.
But you are 
right about your expectations.
Thought I’d tag you in on this I posted the other day.
@Deelzebub
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Al Anon? No?
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You said it perfectly. It’s so nice to have someone to relate to.
Nailed it I want to tatoo the last sentence on my brain. Might use a post-it and the mirror instead
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I’m so happy there’s this thread it’s helping me so much! Today my husband came home for lunch he usually stays for a bit but said he was in a rush and had to get back to work because he was slammed so he grabbed a couple things and headed back right away. I had to leave 15 minutes or so after that to pick up my daughter from work and I saw him driving back on the highway obviously coming from town… Most likely back from the liquor store. My initial thought was anger. I felt he was being dishonest. Why would he say he has to get back to work right away and whip into town to get beer??? I wanted to call him on it and text him and say “I thought you had to go back to work right away? What did you go into town for?” But then I realized that was pointless, and really honestly none of my business. I still feel like he was being a bit dishonest but I also understand why. He probably thought I might be upset… Which I was, for a fleeting moment, but it didn’t last. Writing this out and talking about it helps me process this. I’m actually not upset. He’s making his choices and I’m making mine. I feel really good about my choices. My choices are made possible because of all of you so thank you for listening❤️
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It is odd he felt the need to be dishonest and not say what he was really doing. My guess is he is either trying to support you by hiding the alcohol from you or he is not admitting his own problem.
I personally would call out my husband, but our relationship allows these kind of conversations. It’s just not fair to you to witness the lie.
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I definitely would have brought it up in the past, but it’s better for me to let it go right now. I’ve been “accusing” in the past. It doesn’t help. In fact, it’s weird because he’s been home from work now for over an hour and hasnt cracked a beer. He knows I saw him driving back. He also knows i didn’t bring it up, question or accuse him. He didn’t out right lie I suppose. He said he had to get back to work because he was busy… Meaning he couldn’t stay home as long because he needed to have gone to get beer first, but he didn’t mention that. So yea, he didn’t offer information which is kind of withholding information but the point is I’m learning that it’s more important that he’s completely honest with himself. I honestly believe that if I questioned him about it, he’d be on beer number 3 already. Not that it would be my fault of course, but I think the fact that he knows I’m also trying to change my responses to him is helping him feel more supported rather than judged. I’m pretty judgemental I’ve realized. I also have extremely high expectations(for myself and others)… Which as @Dazercat posted “expectations are pre-meditated resentments” which is sooooo true for me. My husband is cooking dinner, being awesome with my daughter, more affectionate with me and hasn’t had a beer yet!!! What??? I didn’t expect any of this 
. What a great way for this circumstance to turn out.
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It might of been nothing, just an odd moment.
That’s great @Miranda
Thanks for sharing your experience. Hopefully I recall all the helpful things when I need it next time
Well I know every situation is different. Every relationship is different. This is working for me now… To let go of feeling like I need to know exactly what’s going on with my husband and keeping “tabs” on him. like I’ve said before, he’s a completely functioning alcoholic (and besides his drinking- he’s a super great, caring guy who’s willing to work on communicating better)Yes theres certain things that affect me because I worry sometimes about leaving him alone at night with the animals or that he’ll forget something important like blowing out a candle… But I’m doing a little bit more to finish off all the safety things before I go to bed and I’m just doing them without nagging him about it so it doesn’t start tension. I’m fluffing my own pillows so to speak instead of expecting him to fluff them for me…haha silly analogy but it works in my mind. Anyway he did end up drinking tonight but not too much. Just barely noticeable. We had a nice night together and I just feel like by changing my attitude things that improved so much. The great thing is I like myself a lot better. I hate being naggy and feeling resentful… I’m just not going to do it anymore. I’m going to choose happy.
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