Whelp. I guess my life is now unmanageable with my wife. I need to go to an Al-Anon meeting!! Don’t let me chicken out. I need to go. But I don’t wanna go!! I’m so upset, I’m shaking and freezing cold and sick to my stomach.
I found a meeting Sunday night at 7 not crazy about the time. But there’s a Monday at 4 that’s even closer to me. Please God, get my ass in a meeting
So……
A really nice dinner out ended with me in the foyer waiting for my wife as she accosted a 4 top of diners talking about politics. They threatened to call the cops on her. They ask the hostess to escort her out. I don’t know what she said to the table but she sure as shit made a scene. I couldn’t talk to her on the way home I was so upset. And there’s no point in talking to a drunk. All I said was I’m going to find a meeting. Now she’s passed out with a fresh glass of wine and I’m good. I’m just so upset. I cannot believe it has come to this. I’m just shaking all over.
I just left her on her own as she wanted to tell this table off about their political beliefs. I headed to the door to wait for her. I told her please don’t go over there, but she just wouldn’t listen to me.
Fuck addiction
Fuck politics
Otherwise the fettuccine with bolognais sauce and sausage was great!!
I can look for an online one. But I hate that. I’d rather go in person because it works. I just can’t figure out why I don’t want to go.
Probably because I’ll cry.
I don’t want this to be happening to me.
I know this is happening to me.
Part of me is afraid of what she will think or feel or do if I leave her to go to a meeting. I know that’s stupid. I cannot be responsible for how I make her feel by me going to a meeting.
I don’t want to hurt her feelings by going to a meeting.
Going to a meeting makes this all REAL.
I’m embarrassed.
There, those are my weak ass shitty excuses not to go.
I’d rather think. Oh this isn’t as bad as it seems.
Ya it’s worse.
Fuck
I am glad you told me your weak ass shitty excuses! You know what, they aren’t weak or shitty in any way, they are simply why you don’t want to do something.
It sounds like a few tears might be cathartic after an experience like that. Put yourself first while she sleeps it off. I have never heard someone return from a meeting say that they would have been better off skipping it. You can’t change what happened but you can choose how you process it.
Let her be mad but I don’t think you need to put any of that on your shoulders. There isn’t a what-to-do-when-your-drunken-SO-picks-a-fight etiquette book written yet so we can assume you acted appropriately. Do what YOU need to do to process.
Thank you.
I know the Al Anon meetings work. I did it for me when both my kids were addicts. Looks like I got to put on my big boy pants and do it again for me.
It’s easier to be in denial. But I still don’t wanna go.
I’m good. Thanks for listening. I appreciate you.
Your contributions are more important than your denial. Asking for help is a very courageous thing to do and you should know because I see you help a lot of scared new people on here. I appreciate you.
I’m sorry tonight sucked. Don’t let it mess with your sobriety or your self worth. I’m not drinking tonight and I’m probably not drinking tomorrow either. Sending love.
Im so sorry youre feeling that right now. Ill hold you accountable and check with you monday to see if you went to an al anon mtg sunday or monday. If you want…
Big hugs for you Eric. Lots you’re going through. When I just saw one of your post in here this evening this is what I thought, this was before I read the others and what had happened this evening.
You are a nurturer. You are so nice to everybody. You try to help everybody. You want everybody to be OK. This is what you do on the site here. It’s what you do with me and with your other people on the site. In small ways. I know that you certainly must do it in your 3-D life also, it’s you. These were the thoughts that I had before I read what happened this evening. I just read that you wanted to go to Al-Anon. And I thought that the two of you are together most of the time and that’s great. You’re not out golfing she’s not out lunching with the ladies or whatever. I don’t think. Except for going out to eat, y’all are basically stay at home which is great, it’s what you like to do. That’s what you’re doing together. But it’s OK for you to do stuff on your own for you. Like Al-Anon. Going and getting your feet done. Stuff like that. It’s good stuff for you. It’s necessary for your health.
OK so then we go to the point about what happened at the restaurant this evening.
Before this happened you already wanted to go to Al-Anon. You have thought before this happened that it would be helpful for you. Now this happened so it makes you want to get there quicker, or as you say at least even get there instead of not even getting there. Friend you will cry, you do cry, and that’s perfectly all right. That’s a cleansing. It’s a healing. It’s you. It’s necessary. It’s OK.
I’m curious what she thought when you went to Al-Anon before. Was she supportive of that and she realizes that helped you. She may have gone to I don’t know. Of course you doing something like that is a threat to her because it makes her feel like the onus is going to be on her to quit drinking which of course she doesn’t want to do ( Although maybe deep down she does want to but she doesn’t know how to who knows ).
More will come up on what happened at the restaurant in the next day or two. So I put down my feelings just knowing that you wanted to go to Al-Anon before I saw that something happened this evening. Only you know whether she’s OK if you leave her at home or not.
More hugs for you. Know that you are cared for. Know that people care how you get through this. Know that you are surrounded by people who care how this is going to work for you and are wishing you success and peace of mind.
I’m going to send this.
Thanks Alisa.
We never do anything without each other.
Truthfully I feel a little guilty when I go off and do things like my nails or a massage or a walk on the beach. But I go and do it anyway.
She kinda supported me going to AlAnon when I went because of the kids way back. She’d never go. No way. She didn’t stop me or ask me not to go but no way she was going. Nope!
It was great going and getting out of the house. And it surprised everyone at “Dad’s going to a meeting?” At first I think she thought I was bailing out because I walked away from the Chaos. And that’s exactly what I have to do now. I know that. It’s just so fucking sad it’s come to this. I probably should have gone to meetings way back. You all knew that. I guess I just didn’t want it to come down to that.
Yes this right here
On the nosey. Perfectly put.
That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.
Thank you for explaining it so well to me.
You’re a gem
It’s nice to be surrounded by people who care. I appreciate you all for that.
Jeez you know me so well 🥲:pray:t2:
The conversation will come up about what happened. It might be you could look on the Internet and see what happens if somebody gets a public intoxication charge against them from being arrested. Had they called the police that may have been what would have happened. And she might’ve gotten more upset and it been an escalating problem. When she’s sober she needs to see this could’ve happened to me she could’ve been booked in the jail. Why? Because she wanted to voice her opinion. OK. It was in a public place. OK. She’s been drinking. That’s what gets her into the jail. So these are real facts and she needs to be aware of them. Maybe in her own mind, she can think of some limits that she might could abide by when she is out.
I’m so sorry this happened and that you are feeling this way. It really sucks. I have no words of wisdom. I’m having a tough night with my husband too. I think I need a meeting. You’ve mentioned them before Eric, but I thought I could handle it on my own. Not tonight. He’s acting like a child and I hate the effect it has on my daughter. Im so angry and sad and hurt. I’m not trying to make this about me I just want to share with you because it’s You that has helped me so much and I’m glad I saw your post because I know I’m not alone, but I’m sorry that you’re suffering. This is not easy.
Thanks Miranda.
It IS about all of us. You make it about yourself if you like. No worries at all. Like you said. It does feel better knowing that we are not alone. I’m sorry you’re having a shit night with your spouse too. It sucks!
That’s what I keep thinking too. I think I can handle it. I think we got a hard enough time handling our own sobriety how can we possibly handle someone else’s. Well. We know we can’t.
Angry, sad, and hurt about sums it up over here too.
not crazy about the time. But there’s a Monday at 4 that’s even closer to me. Please God, get my ass in a meeting 
I think 
