Hey Eric @Dazercat. I’m sorry you’re going through a shit time. You’ve mentioned it often enough and you do it again now. A meeting will do you good. It’ll make you cry and feel vulnerable and feel the stress you’ve been under. I think it’ll make you realise the reality of the situation with your wife which is what you’ve been avoiding. But in the same moment it’ll already provide relief for you, in the community, the being known, the relief to speak what is true and the relief that truth itself and accepting it brings. It costs us so much to look away and negate. The not wanting to be true what already is. That is a large expense. One that maybe you don’t have to spend anymore. I think you could save that, for yourself. And I’m curious to see what you’ll spend it on if it doesn’t go into denial anymore. That’s how I see the al-anon meeting and you going there which I hope you’ll do today or tomorrow.
Eric, you are the Big Mother Goose of this place. You’re invaluable for us.
You value yourself highly when you go on your walks, get your nails done, when you look after your diet, when you engage here particularly for your own sake like today. I think you can find the same comfort and the same feeling of the self being cared for if you step out of the togetherness with your wife temporarily for another measure, the meetings. It will be healthy for you. You guys are married and you love each other very much. You are a family. And also your lifestyles are very different now. Let that be. It’s already truth. Nothing to fear.
Much love Eric (why is there no goose emoji?!) I look forward to hearing how it went!
Get to a meeting make the time for yourself to do that bit of selfcare, takes a little more effort but you know the rewarding feeling that you will get after from sharing crying venting or just ranting as you put it. Sorry to hear about the rough evening you had out with the wife, like everyone else who gets so much from your shares, showing your vulnerability and frustrations venting them here really help us all out so much, more than you know. We love you Eric and hope you feel better in the morning, out for the early walk with the doggos just remember you are truly a special person, a real stand up guy. I always remember your saying when i start going through some emotions. Get some good rest and be back at it again in the am. May blessings and peace be with you my friend.
God, how shitty. I hope the meeting helps. Make sure you go. You already know you’re not responsible for her feelings, but you also can’t protect her from the reality of her actions. In the fires of torment and pain come the opportunities for healing. You can’t be the wall that protects her from that pain. This fire is not meant for you. Your opportunity for healing comes from the torment of being willing to step aside so that fire can touch her.
Thank you guys so much for the encouragement and support and compliments. @Faugxh@Chiron@jonathanlee213@Tragicfarinelli
You guys are so kind. And so very helpful
Mother Goose you got me looking for a goose emoji Nope.
I know what I got to do. And I think @Alisa hit a home run saying I think I am afraid to put the onus on her. That is so spot on. I will try to get over my fear of that today.
Whelp she’s up. And I’ve already told her I’m going to a meeting at 7. Fuck Now I got to follow through. She said “You’re still mad at me.”
I think I explained it well about how we both felt when our children were in active addiction. And told her that’s how I’m feeling and I can’t continue to go on this way.
Thank you all again so much. I do deserve to take care of myself. I’m working on it.
Mornin’ Eric,
I’m so sorry that happened, and you are feeling so badly. There are so many other people on here that have put into words what I wanted to try and say, so I’ll leave it at that and just say that it sucks and I’m sorry. I’m also proud of you for telling her about the meeting right away. It’s a big scary thing to point out to your spouse that something isn’t going good anymore. I think if/ when my time comes to attend those meetings I’ll choose an evening one also, just to get out and away from the drinking.
I’ll see you on the gratitude thread❤️
My friend, I’m sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch
I remember when I joined alanon, my partner was supportive of the thought UP until she saw I was serious about it and then shortly after, she lost her shit and guilt tripped me into quitting the program with her controlling/jealous/abusive bullshit. (Literally had the audacity to tell me, "im allowed to have a support system, you arent.)
At the end of the day, your feelings/peace matter too. Your feelings/peace matter most, because nobody is going to care about your feelings/peace more than you do yourself.
I hope all works out for the best. If anyone deserves to be happy and at peace, its you.
My whole child hood was filled with addiction from destructive relationships to drinking and everything else.
My father was a good man but suffered from alcoholism and addiction he held is ground for a great deal of his life but then dropped his guard and started smoking and making meth
The first time I used meth was with my father
It is heartbreaking what our addiction can do to the ones we love the most
As a result I ended up in prison rehab and a vicious cycle of chaos my father passed away 2 years ago because of his using and everything he stood for went to pieces
The biggest lesson I have learned is you have to keep your guard up no matter what and to not give up on yourself
Value yourself and see your flaws for what they are
Try and move past them give yourself a chance for forgiveness
Easier said then done
I miss my father so much and wish we could have this talk that I’m sharing with you
Be kind to yourself and it will reflect on your loved ones
I’m sorry that happened to you last night. Last night really suck for a few of us apparently.
This thread is totally public. You use it and get it off your chest as much and as long as you like. I’m glad you’re here.
And I’m happy we are in this together and not alone.
I’m just now getting caught up on your chaotic night @Dazercat. Wow, I can so relate to everything you said. I’ve had to walk out of restaurants with my head down on a few occasions. What an awful feeling. And you’re right, there’s no reasoning with a drunk. I used to drive home and not say a word. The next morning, he’d ask me about the night before and I couldn’t bare to talk it about, I would just say…“your usual drunk ass embarrassed me again and that’s another restaurant we won’t be going back to.”
Just know that you’re not alone. We’ll be with you every step of the way. Sending lots of love your way.
@Cjp Tell Bosco I made it. @Miranda @Faugxh
So I made it to my first AlAnon meeting in like 10 years. It was so good for me. Well, except for the big sign on the front door. Rattlesnake season, keep door closed. . Are you fucking kidding me
Anyway……
Maybe it was just so good to be out of the house without a drunk. It’s not like I mingled or anything after. But it was good. It was really nice to see and hear people share their stories. I got to share second. And I didn’t cry. Almost did. But I pulled myself together somehow. The meeting was basically about slogans. And they used the reading I read this morning in my ODAAT in Alanon. And I was like “I read that this morning Keep it simple. Easy does it. ODAAT. Let Go And Let God! I love a good slogan. And I even learned a new one. If you fall in a ditch don’t start decorating it.
I was definitely in a ditch. But I always said when my life became unmanageable I would go to a meeting. And I did. Plus I had to keep my word for you guys. My word means a lot to me. But mostly. I went to that meeting for me. And I’m so glad I did. It’s easy for me to say “if I’m focusing on the alcoholic I’m not focusing on my sobriety or my life.” And I reckon it’s another thing to do something about it. And I did. So it’s another win for me. And I’m still going to the 4 pm meeting at this other place.
Keep it simple folks. Because we can’t control it.
Good for you Eric, well done! You did the right thing.
And has the conversation with your wife or her taking it badly happened yet? Maybe it doesn’t even… I mean, surely your wife knows she has a drinking problem, maybe it’s not news to her.
Whatever happens with your wife, I’m so glad you have another big tool now to deal and to help you look after you! Big win!
@Dazercat Im glad you went to an al anon mtg and held yourself accountable. I’ll delete my phone reminder to hold you accountable today
I hope you find comfort in those rooms and your wife sees your growth and wants to grow along with you
2 AlAnon meetings in 2 days.
It felt great. This group was bigger than the last. I feel like I got so much to say. I’m glad I got my newbie introduction in. Looking forward to next week where I can just follow along and share more on topic and not make it about myself and why I’m there. Although it felt good getting that out.
I’m unbelievably still holding absolutely no resentment towards my wife for me “getting to,” go to a meeting. After the shit storm Saturday night we are currently getting along fine. Of course she’s drinking. But I’m not dealing with active alcoholism. I’m dealing with me. 2 or 3 people had talked about that. I thought it was strange. But I get it.
I like these 2 meetings enough. I pray I do them again next Sunday night and Monday afternoon. It will be good for ME!
you got me looking for a goose emoji 
Nope.
Now I got to follow through. She said “You’re still mad at me.”
. Are you fucking kidding me 
The meeting was basically about slogans. And they used the reading I read this morning in my ODAAT in Alanon. And I was like “I read that this morning 
